Book Worms
Hello all! Yet another article from me! Squirm into the article
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
Book Worms
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» Book Worms
Critic Time
This species has no known genus but is speculated to be a type of Dracunculus medinensis.
Note: Italisize the scientific name
Change to:
The species is related to no known genus, but it is speculated to be a type of Dracunculus medinensis.
RPC-687 instances are white in pigmentation and bear a shape similar to thin tubes.
Change bear to bare.
RPC-687 instances have extremely parasitic attributes such as infiltrating a subject's body, eating away at flesh, reproducing within the subject to spread, and taking nutrients.
Change to:
RPC-687 instances exhibit extremely parasitic attributes such as infiltrating a subject’s (say here where it infiltrates the body), utilizing its host for nutrients, and reproducing within the host.
RPC-687-1 refers to an untitled 300-page leather-bound book written by Jane & Dennis Mcarthy written in a foreign unknown language.
Change to “ foreign unknown language” to “previously undocumented language”
The quantity of RPC-687 is random each time.
Change to:
The quantity of RPC-687 released varies.
End Critic
RPC-687 instances exhibit extremely parasitic attributes such as infiltrating a subject’s body, utilizing its host for nutrients, and reproducing within the host.
What makes this "extremely" parasitic, as in, more parasitic than normal parasitic?
away at the subject's flesh as well as reproducing
How does it reproduce?
When opened, RPC-687-1 will send RPC-687-A into a trance-like state causing RPC-687-A to believe they have to finish the book, cover to cover. Although it is believed that this is impossible due to the hastiness of RPC-687. RPC-687 will then wriggle out of the spine of the book and onto RPC-687-A. The quantity of RPC-687 released varies. RPC-687-A will refuse to partake in many daily activities such as eating and sleeping and will become determined to finish reading RPC-687-1.
This is kinda weird. It only affects 687-A?
Maybe it'd make more sense if when you opened the book, you got infected by the worms, then forced to keep reading until you die
I don't really like the log. It feels as if they didn't prepare in the slightest for anything going wrong.
This is probably the best your clinical tone and ideas have been so far. Suggest you keep working on some creepy stuff with this idea — so far the read is a little limited.
Crit ordered via Discord DM
I'm really tired atm so I may miss somethings
Hazards
Aquatic Hazard
How come this is added? What makes this an aquatic anomaly? Just curious.
Description
In the instance of RPC-687 being exposed to a highly-populated area, RPC-687 no matter the location, RPC-687 will begin to reproduce and spread to other hosts.
"In the instance of RPC-687 being exposed to a highly-populated area, no matter the location, RPC-687 will begin to reproduce and spread to other hosts."
Test log
Best if you put the log into a collapsible since it's longer than addendums and discovery logs. Also, I have to agree with Alma on the lack of preparedness in this test. If you have any questions about that then go ahead and ask on Discord.
Overall
Ok, so I think this is a well-made article and is definitely written better than most of your articles. You definitely took some time and put some thought into this. This is a good 4/5 for now, it will go up if you fix the test log. Good luck writer of great potential.
Harold K Caztovski
Should any subject manage to breach RPC-687, any security personnel are to exterminate the subject and collect RPC-687 before recontainment.
The chamber containing RPC-687 and RPC-687-1 is to be deep cleaned to assure safety to the Authority personnel.
Should anyone take RPC-687-1, security personnel are to locate the subject and terminate said subject.
Security personnel entering RPC-687's chamber or are retrieving RPC-687-1 are to be wearing protective clothing to avoid being infected by RPC-687.
What type of protective clothing? Level C hazmat suits?
The designation RPC-687 refers to a species of worm-like specie of parasites.
This species has no known genus but is speculated to be a type of Dracunculus Medinensis
I would recommend noting down that, while its species is unknown, RPC-XXX belongs to the Medinensis genus.
When RPC-687 is released from RPC-687-1
You have not mentioned what RPC-687-1 is yet.
You jump between RPC-XXX-number to RPC-XXX-letter a few times through this article.
My general rule is: If RPC-XXX is grouped (ex: three creepy dolls), they are RPC-XXX-A, B, and C. If RPC-XXX turns others into anomalies OR creates anomalies (ex. a button that once pressed summons human), the main item is RPC-XXX while the summoned object is RPC-XXX-1. This is mainly just a preference, so take it with a grain of salt, but using both numerical and alphabetical designation is weird.
When RPC-687 is released from RPC-687-1, it will hastily burrow in the subject's skin and will begin eating away at the subject's flesh as well as reproducing asexually via using binary fission
You already mentioned that it reproduces asexually by binary fission a paragraph ago. From now on, you can just mention that the organism reproduces rapidly.
The subject is now designated as RPC-687-A.
While doing so, it has been observed that the RPC-687-A will suffer mild to extreme malnutrition depending on the starting mass of RPC-687-A.
This process will worsen until RPC-687-A expires. RPC-687 will then exude from RPC-687-A's carcass and begin searching for RPC-687-1.
RPC-687 will then reproduce inside said body of water and infect others like a guinea worm.
Add a footnote explaining what a guinea worm is.
RPC-687-1 refers to an untitled 300-page leather-bound book written by Jane & Dennis Mcarthy written in a previously undocumented language. RPC-687-1 has been observed to be immune to destruction by natural causes such as water, lava, magma, fire, acid, and ice.
Saying "immune to destruction" is enough.
When opened, RPC-687 will wriggle out of RPC-687-1's spine and burrow into RPC-687-A's skin and will send RPC-687-A into a trance-like state causing RPC-687-A to believe they have to finish the book, cover to cover.
In the instance of RPC-687 being exposed to a highly-populated area, RPC-687 no matter the location, RPC-687 will begin to reproduce and spread to other hosts.
The way RPC-687 does this is by simply finding a book that it can reach and wriggling inside as if it were RPC-687-1 and anomalously vanishing.
This sentence could be fractured to avoid run-on sentences.
This new instance,designated RPC-687-2, will still have the same attributes as RPC-687-1.
I think it’s a fun idea with a lot of potential, it’s trying to do a little too much so if you could condense it down to just make the bizarroty that much more stark, it would be a lot punchier and work better IMO
Such is life in the Soviet Union
My crit may be short since I didn't find any real mistakes. This is a really cool concept and was executed quite well. It's very bizarre and I love it, I found no spelling or grammar mistakes so this is really good. I hope to see this on the mainsite, keep up the amazing work.
/forum/t-14021249/book-worms#post-