The Best Author Page Ever (not clickbait)

h1z1 patchnotes: floating johnny test porn and fancy CSS removed

the name is actually clickbait. welcome to the author page of the worst author ever

the majority of articles originally featured in this hellscape you now toil in were written before i was actually very good
…so i've removed the bad ones

each GOOD article will have a link and a little snippet of the best bit from it


rpc-058 - some aliens on mars. very basic, it's okay i guess

Researcher Khan: So why do you want to mine Earth?


Researcher Khan: But the minerals belong to us.


rpc-196 - my first decent article. obviously dated and shows it was my first article, but hey, i think it's still pretty okay

RPC-196-A is to be contained via the ritualistic sacrifice of three (3) axolotls1 per yearly period, […]

rpc-248 - i wrote this for a contest, and it's basically just the snow miser from that old santa claus movie. nonetheless, the characterization is pretty good i think, and it didn't do too bad in the contest either

Following the truce and subsequent containment of RPC-248, a diplomatic effort has been ongoing between it and project lead Dr. Harrison. Harrison was intitially charged with establishing cordial and friendly relations with RPC-248, an effort which has proven successful. This personal interaction is generally attributed as one of the main reasons RPC-248 has been so cooperative in containment efforts.

rpc-266 - oh boy. this article is more akin to those shitty SCPs based on community in-jokes than anything else, but this time instead of an in-joke it's one of the lore server admins' fetishes. it's… kind of okay, i guess. they're featured in my tales anyways

no quote for this one cus it sucks

rpc-514 - demon bird men in new york. this one has some nice like, symbolism and storytelling in it, but it's really short and i should rewrite it at some point

also eastside did a video on it which was cool

Local religious authorities have agreed to continue efforts to definitively isolate RPC-514 to a smaller area, however this process is currently unsuccessful following the destruction of Site-313.

rpc-596 - vampirism, but treated like a realistic virus. this got utterly shat on by bots, but i think it's a pretty ok article

Due to its being a bloodborne disease, all instances of RPC-596 are highly susceptible to HIV/AIDs infection alongside their anomalous ailments.

rpc-635 - another one shat on by bots, and also for a winter-themed contest. this one has some cool song mp3s and had an eastside video made on it.

no quote, because the songs are the best part of the article

rpc-830 - childe roland to the dark tower came yeah, this is totally one big dark tower reference. i think it's pretty okay

If I'm going to die in here, I want to die looking at the beautiful Tower.

rpc-866 -


rpc-955 - mediocre, but cool visuals and semi-decent world building. better than most rpc worldbuilding lets be honest lmao

tales: aka the shit i'm actually proud of

A Dragstrip Librarian - oh yeah, this one. inarguably the best shit i've ever written, and the start to a tale series. since this one starts off the tale series, i think it's best that all the tales in it are just lumped under this one link.

a pretty good introduction to the world of the RCPA

It was a bright cold day in April, and the fog had since left the courtyard. The men that walked through the cavernous expanse below, desperately trying to escape the stinging April wind, strode forward at a brisk pace, trailing their carts behind them.

Life on Mars - named after a david bowie song, and featuring those martian robot boys from 058. it's… meh, as far as tales go.

yeah ngl chief idk why you're here, this stuff's kinda garbage

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