Shitty Waifu Article





Registered Phenomena Code: SIXEIGHT-J

Object Class: Omega-Purple

Hazard Types: Involuntary Celibacy Hazard, Odor Hazard

Containment Protocols: Due to the nature of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J, containment is impossible. All instances of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1, Especially RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2 are to be constantly monitored at the discretion of the global directors. RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 Instances are to immediately be placed into "quarantine chambers" and to be armed with military-grade weaponry for the amusement of unaffected staff.

Description: RPC-SIXEIGHT-J is an infohazard that manifests whenever a female anomaly is first placed on the registered Phenomena Codex. Upon the designation of a female anomaly, RPC-SIXEIGHT-J will automatically change the numerical designation of the anomaly to contain at least one instance of the number 6 or one instance of the number 8. At this point, any attempt to change the designation of the anomaly will result in failure. RPC-SIXEIGHT-J has only failed to trigger once, resulting in RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2.

RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 is the collective designation for all anomalies affected by RPC-SIXEIGHT-J. In addition to their preexisting anomalous properties, RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 instances gain an additional cognitohazard. Individuals will begin referring to RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 instances as "waifus", and will begin to draw various pieces of artwork depicting them, often of the lewd variety. Individuals who do this are to be designated RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3. Confirmed instances of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 include RPC-068, RPC-886, RPC-686, RPC-866, RPC-880, RPC-016, RPC-358, And RPC-248-J.

RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2 is the designation for RPC-049, the only RPC that the effects of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J do not apply to. Instead, RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2 receives the inverse of the effects, which includes various forms of abuse and ostracization. Individuals also refer to RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2 as "The Worst Waifu" and art depicting RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-2 tends to be negative and mean spirited in nature.

RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 is the designation for any human under the effect of the cognitohazard produced by RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 instances. RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 instances are extremely hostile toward each other due to disagreements on "who the best waifu is."RPC-SIXEIGHT-J instances will violently assault anyone who does not agree with their answer to the question, regarding “waifus.” It is also important to note that all instances of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 lack the concepts of personal hygiene and personal fitness, unless they are within 50 meters of the RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1 instance they consider to be "the best", in which they will instantly rush to fulfill these needs. In the event that an instance of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 is ignored or rejected by their preferred instance of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-1, they will commit suicide on the spot. So far, not a single instance of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J-3 has survived such an encounter.

Addendum 1: RPC-686 886 068 016 358 866 248-J 886 686 880 016 068 686 886 068 016 358 248-J 880 886 686 016 068 686 886 068 016 358 248-J 886 686 016 068 686 886 068 866 880 016 358 248-J 866 886 686 016 068 is best waifu! - Dr. Jeb Bush

NO! RPC-248-J 886 068 016 358 686 886 880 068 016 248-J 248-J 886 866 068 016 880 358 686 886 068 016 248-J 248-J 886 068 016 358 686 886 068 016 248-J 248-J 886 068 016 866 880 358 686 866 886 068 016 248-J 886 is best waifu! - Researcher Ludwig von Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff

I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree with the above statement. 248-J is the best waifu and here's why! Liking 886 makes you a furry! 068 is too unhinged, 686 is French (EEW!), 016 makes you a pedo, and 358 isn't real! thank you! - Dr. Makarov

^ Hope you enjoy sag, faggot. 358 actually cares, and that's why she's the best! -Researcher A. T. Yang

Someone please end this addendum for the love of God. - Researcher Woodward


You are all disappointments, and I am locking access to this article. Woodward is getting a promotion. - GD-5

Addendum 2: Due to the high influx of incidents relating to RPC-SIXEIGHT-J, the Global Directors have unanimously agreed to unlock the article for staff unaffected by the effects of RPC-SIXEIGHT-J. Said staff are allowed to submit incident reports below this point.


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