RPC-935 members, from left to right: Beta, Alpha, Gamma, Delta. Screencap from Episode 113 "A Spot of Gardening".


Registered Phenomena Code: 935

Object Class: Gamma-Red

Hazard Types: h-aggression.png Aggression Hazard h-grouped.png Grouped Hazard h-organic.png Organic Hazard h-regenerative.png Regenerative Hazard h-replicating.png Replicating Hazard h-sapient.png Sapient Hazard

h-transmutation.png Transmutation Hazard h-teleportation.png Teleportation Hazard h-tychokinetic.png Tychokinetic Hazard h-auditory.png Auditory Hazard h-memory-alteration.png Memory-Alteration Hazard h-mind-control.png Mind-Control Hazard h-visual.png Visual Hazard h-mind-regression.png Mind-Regression Hazard h-ontological.png Ontological Hazard

Containment Protocols: RPC-935-Alpha (α), Beta (β), Gamma (γ), and Delta (δ) should be held within individual humanoid containment cells in Site-220. They are to be restrained via straight-jackets, then muzzled and blinded with sensory-deprivation headgear. Each member of RPC-935 should be fastened with a Cognitive Compliance Harness (CCH), which should be wired to an omni-directional electrical outlet in the ceiling of the cell.

Cognitive Compliance Harness (CCH)


The Cognitive Compliance Harness (CCH) is a device designed by Dr. ██████ and Senior Engineer ████ as a means to contain, nullify, and otherwise "defang" humanoid reality benders of terrestrial origin.

Due to the unique nature of reality bending entities, it is difficult to discern a universal solution to counteract their abilities. As such, steps have been taken to circumvent these powers using more understood methods, resulting in the creation of Cognitive Compliance Harnesses.

The CCH is a high-power memetic device consisting of three parts; the first part resembles a metal spine that rests along the subject's own spinal column, and is mounted with 19 electrical probes that are inserted into the spinal cord between the 19 cervical and thoracic vertebrae, thus connecting to the subject's nervous system; the second part is a metallic pronged "cradle" that is connected to the base of the skull above the cervical vertebrae - this "cradle" interfaces with the subject's brainstem and emits constant memetic signals that manifest as feelings of disempowerment, discomfort, and fatigue within the subject, particularly when shifting Anderson Coherency Levels are detected nearby; the third part is a battery/cable mount that rests against the subject's lower back, above the coccyx.

CCH devices DO NOT render reality benders incapable of using their abilities; rather, they simply override the subject's own neurological impulses to present the illusion of disempowerment. As such, contained reality benders should be placed under 24-hour surveillance, and a CCH engineer should be assigned to any entity requiring a device. To increase the effectiveness of the CCH, it is recommended that contained entities be dosed with anesthetics or similar perception-dampening drugs. If an entity proves to be immune to foreign substances and their competency cannot be reduced, assigned personnel should take utmost care to neglect mentioning the superficiality of the CCHs effects around contained entities.


In the event of a blackout, backup power to RPC-935 cells should instead be drawn from local kinetic generators until power is restored (surplus batteries can be found in Storage Room F, Locker 12). RPC-935-α, β, γ, and δ should also be dosed with anesthetic gas once every two hours to prevent them from regaining full mental faculty.

Should any member of RPC-935 escape Authority containment, ASF Rapid Response Team ("Fun Police") are to be activated. Rapid Response's objective is to forcefully re-attach the CCH to members of RPC-935 by any means necessary. Surviving witnesses should be administered Class A-2 amnestics, and public records regarding any casualties, fatalities, or property damage are to be expunged and replaced with documentation forged by Authority PR specialists.

Description: RPC-935 is comprised of four powerful reality-bending entities, designated RPC-935-Alpha (α), Beta (β), Gamma (γ), and Delta (δ). These entities resemble four middle-aged humans operating as television show hosts for a North American cable programme titled Harmless Harlequins!. Within the show, each member of RPC-935 assumes an alias, which is noted below:

  • 935-α is known as "James 'Jimmy' Gonzales", a Mexican-American comedian from California.
  • 935-β is known as "Peter Sonnenfeld", an English stuntman-turned-comedian.
  • 935-γ is known as "Victoria 'Vicky' Matthews", a Canadian former reality TV star-turned-presenter.
  • 935-δ is known as "Anthony Coppola", an Italian-American comedian.

Once per week, for approximately 30-60 minutes1, these four entities demonstrate the ability to manipulate local ACS levels in a particular area, and can transmute or control up to several hundred humans and/or animals residing within. RPC-935-α, β, γ, and δ have a penchant for mental manipulation and the perversion of the human body; this results in surviving victims being psychologically scarred and physically deformed, often permanently2. After this period, members of RPC-935 seemingly lose their ability to manipulate ACS levels; however, they do appear to maintain more docile powers, such as suspended aging and cellular regeneration.

Typically, an episode of Harmless Harlequins! lasts around 30 minutes3. Approximately, the first 20 minutes of an episode is devoted to the "Pranks!" segment, where Harlequins must complete "challenges", proposed by the other group members, which usually feature the Harlequins victimising members of the public. The "Punishment!" segment comes at the end of an episode, wherein the member deemed the "least fun" is punished by the others. "Punishments" frequently end with a member of RPC-935 mortally wounded or dead; despite this, they will appear unscathed in subsequent episodes.

Harmless Harlequins! does not appear to have a crew, and is likely broadcast by a member of RPC-935 using their reality-warping abilities. Harmless Harlequins! will often be broadcast on a random basic cable channel or on internet streaming services; broadcasts are live, but there are a number of "mirror" channels that will capture footage from episodes and reupload them online. In order to prevent the spread of Harmless Harlequins! footage, retooling of ACID BURN software from Site-112 is required.

Capture Log: At approximately ██:██ on ██/██/20██, the Authority became aware an episode of Harmless Harlequins! was being "filmed" near Site-220 in █████, Texas. ASF Rapid Response promptly mobilised and deployed to contain the members of RPC-935. In this instance, Rapid Response was armed with covert containment equipment including specialised non-lethal Bakelite expansion grenades and propelled gas grenades.

Rapid Response made contact with RPC-935 in the middle of a "Pranks!" segment, where RPC-935-β had forcefully regressed the minds of seven civilians to a childlike state and was compelling them to cross a busy freeway with a bag of sweets. Juilett-5 engaged RPC-935 in combat; with the element of surprise, ASF was able to immobilise and neutralise RPC-935-β and δ with Bakelite grenades and CCHs. RPC-935-α manifested a large [REDACTED] in the middle of the road and used this as a distraction to teleport away. RPC-935-γ attempted to defend itself against Rapid Response, resulting in the deaths of ASF members Tango and Monsoon by "excessive expansion". RPC-935-γ was eventually incapacitated by gas grenades. RPC-935-β, γ, and δ were placed into an Authority containment vehicle for transportation to Site-220.

En-route, RPC-935-α attempted to free the other members of RPC-935, turning the Authority vehicle's petroleum fuel into banana milkshake and the tarmac into polished glass. Juilett-5 exited the vehicle and attempted to neutralise RPC-935-α, further resulting in the death of ASF member Bravo, who was [REDACTED] when 935-α multiplied into miniature versions of itself and attempted to overwhelm the strike team. 935-α was neutralised when ASF member Romeo shot out the tires on an oncoming tank truck, which then collided with 935-α; α was knocked unconscious and sustained massive injuries to their body, but displayed an increased healing factor; ASF members were able to attach a CCH to the entity before it regained consciousness.

Addendum 935-1: Over 120 episodes of Harmless Harlequins! are reported to have aired to date; however, not all episodes have been archived and many have subsequently been lost. Below is a list of select episodes currently archived within the Authority database, with accompanying synopses.

-Episode 13 "Doctor Dolittle":

Pranks!: The Harlequins pretend to be employees at Central Park Zoo, NY, and must compete to see how many patrons they can merge with the animals. Vicky wins when she plays a game of Telephone with a group of schoolchildren; Vicky slips a memetic trigger phrase into the game which causes the children to [DATA EXPUNGED].

Punishment: Peter loses the challenge with a score of only 3; his arms and legs are severed, and he is then thrown into an enclosure filled with mutated monkeys and is consumed.

-Episode 29 "Shooting Blanks":

Pranks!: The group goes to a dive bar for drinks, and must compete to see how many patrons they can kill in a game of Russian Roulette. First, they increase the alcohol percentage of everyone's drinks to make sure everyone is almost completely inebriated. They then play a game of Russian Roulette, but manipulate the probabilities so that the gun will always go off. Anthony wins when he lines up patrons and kills them all with a single shot.

Punishment: Vicky and Peter lose the challenge with an equal score of 5; as such, both are forced to use the gun to [DATA EXPUNGED] who lived nearby.

-Episode 54 "Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner":

Pranks!: The gang pretend to be kindergarten teachers at a school in ████████, Georgia. In a class lesson about bullying, the Harlequins think it would be funny to explain what "trauma" is to the children, and alter their memories so that they think their parents have been murdered, resulting in the class bursting into tears. They then tell the children that they have a surprise, and bring out their real parents. The parents attempt to comfort the children, but the Harlequins joke that they are ghosts who've come to take them away; they then compete to see how many "ghosts [they] can bust". Anthony wins with a score of 13, who manifests a "proton pack" - in reality a concentrated microwave gun - to "bust" the parents.

Punishment: Jimmy loses the challenge with a score of 7. He momentarily disappears, before reappearing moments later, dead, with a charred visage, missing most of his skin and his limbs twisted into odd angles. Anthony laughs, explaining Jimmy "just took a trip to Nagasaki".

-Episode 88 "Paint The Town Red":

Pranks!: The Harlequins travel to ██████, Louisiana. It is a small town, with a population of around 600. After attending a local mass and introducing themselves, the group decide to compete to see who can paint the most houses without doing anything themselves. Using powers of persuasion, they split the town into four equal factions (one for each Harlequin), and have them fight to the death. Peter wins after he instructs his army to construct suicide vests, which they then detonate en-masse.

Punishment: Peter frees the town from the Harlequins' influence, but tells them that Jimmy, Vicky, and Anthony are responsible for the "hysteria that overcame them". The remaining locals restrain the three harlequins and carry them to a hill nearby where they are hanged, drawn, and quartered.


Punishment: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Addendum 935-2: Interview Logs




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