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Registered Phenomena Code: 6969-J
Object Class: Gamma-Orange
Hazard Types: Sapient Hazard, Transmutation Hazard, Destabilization Hazard, Emotional Hazard, Ideological Hazard, Mind Control Hazard, Titanic Hazard
Containment Protocols: RPC-6969-J is currently in Authority custody at Site-002. It is not allowed access to any Authority terminal. Authority database monitoring systems are to report any and all articles with unauthorized changes. Upon notification of any unauthorized changes, MST-Echo-621 "Kink-Shamers" must promptly report to RPC-6969-J's containment cell and revert said edits.
RPC-6969-J before termination of employment.
Description: RPC-6969-J is former Junior Researcher Melvin Mateos, a 21-year-old Hispanic male standing at 1.7 m and weighing 136.1 kg at the time of writing. RPC-6969-J was terminated from Authority employment on 04/02/2022 after making numerous unauthorized edits on various anomalies in the database. However, since then, RPC-6969-J has anomalously maintained connection to the database and continues to make unauthorized edits to articles. Edits by RPC-6969-J tend to be of a sexual nature and range from simple augmentations in anomalies' appearances to entire incident logs detailing anomalies' personal sex life.1 In addition, RPC-6969-J appears to have reality-bending properties, as whatever RPC-6969-J adds into the articles manifests within the physical world.2 It has been speculated that RPC-6969-J could use its anomalous properties to pacify or even neutralize dangerous entities. However, at the time of writing, RPC-6969-J has used them solely for writing erotic fanfiction. ██ humanoid anomalies have complained to researchers of notable changes in appearance overnight, and it is estimated that 60%-70% of all humanoid anomalies have suffered the effects of RPC-6969-J at least once.
Addendum - Abridged list of edits made by RPC-6969-J:
| Affected Anomaly | Description of Edit | Result |
| RPC-068 | RPC-6969-J replaced the picture of RPC-068 with a crudely-drawn image of a character from a popular Japanese animated series. | RPC-068 adopted the appearance of the replacement image. This incident occured while RPC-6969-J still worked for the Authority and resulted in the termination of its employment. RPC-068 was reportedly disappointed with the reversion of RPC-6969-J's edit, saying it "quite liked how [it] looked." |
| RPC-042 | RPC-6969-J replaced the picture of RPC-042 with a stylized drawing of a scantily-clad humanoid entity with black fur and an exposed canid skull.3 In place of screaming, RPC-6969-J wrote that RPC-042 vocalizes in "hentai moans." | Sector 042-CCZ experienced a containment breach the next day. Onsite security reportedly had a "really interesting time" re-containing RPC-042. |
| RPC-906 | RPC-6969-J altered the description of RPC-906's appearance to look "feminine" and replaced the incident log with a 36000-word erotic fiction detailing a sexual encounter with RPC-906. | RPC-6969-J was discovered on the island of Svalbard completely naked. It is unknown how it escaped Authority custody. |
| RPC-265 | RPC-6969-J made several additions to the anomalous properties of RPC-265, including that it only affected women and that affected individuals possessed "a strong desire to have sex with a very handsome man named Melvin Mateos." | Site-002 received an influx of unauthorized visitors from Wacousta County. In addition, all males affected by RPC-265 began reporting gender dysphoria. This caused RPC-6969-J to promptly revert its own edits. |
| RPC-886 | RPC-6969-J replaced the image of RPC-886 with an image of a feminine anthropomorphic fox. | [DATA EXPUNGED] |
Addendum - Post-Termination Interview with RPC-6969-J:
Interviewed: RPC-6969-J
Interviewer: Senior Researcher ██████
Date: 05/13/2022
Foreword: The following is a transcript from a live feed out of Site-002.
<Begin Log>
██████: Do you know why we brought you into custody, Melvin?
RPC-6969-J: I'm gonna be honest, man, I knew this was gonna happen. Is it because of the [DATA EXPUNGED]?
██████: No! Ew, Jesus, fuck! No! But we will be talking about that later. The purpose of this interview, Melvin, is that we suspect you have been making unauthorized edits to some of the records in our database.
RPC-6969-J: Unauthorized? I thought I was allowed to edit the database.
██████: Not since last month. We terminated your employment and revoked your credentials. I'm honestly surprised how you're still able to access the database at all-
RPC-6969-J: But I just made an edit.
██████: What?
RPC-6969-J: Awwgh I'm soooo gassy, Researcher.
RPC-6969-J begins inflating big and round.
██████: Oh, fuck! He's editing this page! He's editing this page!
RPC-6969-J begins furiously slapping his big brapacious belly and laughing as it loudly gurgles.
██████: Stop editing the page, Melvin!
RPC-6969-J proceeds to rip a furious, Earth-shattering brap. It stinks of eggs and beans.
██████: Jesus fucking Chri-
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Shortly after live feed was cut, an explosion was reported at Site-002. Senior Researcher ██████ was found in critical condition, but made a full recovery shortly afterwards. Agents dispatched to the site of the explosion reported that the Orange-Level Humanoid Containment Wing of Site-002 sustained heavy damage, and the area surrounding it smelled slightly of eggs and onions, and was covered in biological tissue. Analysis of said tissue has shown it to be genetically identical to RPC-6969-J.
Request to reclassify RPC-6969-J as Neutralized pending.
Melvin is still out there, and he will keep making edits as he fucks the shit out of RPC-319. STOP
Outstanding neutralization order pending.
OUTSTANDING NEUTRALIZATION ORDER: 05/14/2022 - PRESENT
Authority: Senior Researcher ██████
Current Focus: I don't get paid enough for this KILL this motherfucker PLEASE.
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