Put It Out Before It Puts You Out



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The following file describes an anomalous fungal infection, and is Level 3/660 Classified

Unauthorized access is forbidden.


fig. 1.1: A collection of used RPC-660 instances in Dongguan, China. Note that the butt in the center containing lettering is a typical non-anomalous used cigarette.


Registered Phenomena Code: 660

Object Class: Gamma-Orange

Hazard Types: Bio-Hazard, Emotional, Organic, Grouped, Visual

Containment Protocols: Authority surveillance systems embedded within public health services worldwide must screen for suspected RPC-660 infections. The media wing of the Authority is to assist the World Health Organization in the dissemination of anti-smoking publications and health awareness drives, as well as to spin and suppress any panic caused by the witnessing of an RPC-660-1's post-mortem conversion.

Tobacco industries are to be encouraged to print wording upon cigarette wrappers, as RPC-660 is unable to replicate letters. The industry is also to be urged to exaggerate safety issues with the consumption of "knockoff cigarettes" that lack printed letters.

Instances of RPC-660 are to be seized immediately (preferably by non-smoking personnel), sealed within air-tight packaging1, kept away from sources of heat and sent to the closest Authority site for destruction. Possessors of RPC-660 instances are to be informed of the confiscation of their RPC-660 instances on grounds of a product recall citing safety/quality issues. Possessors that have been seen smoking RPC-660 and/or display suspected signs of infection must also be detained. Possessors found to be distributing RPC-660 instances, especially if they are not actively engaging in recreational use of RPC-660, are to be investigated in regards to links to the Church of Malthus and seized for interrogation.

A sample of RPC-660 is kept at Site-279 within an airtight transparent plastic container, subsisting upon base fungal substrate under humidity and temperature levels suitable for optimal maintenance. This container is kept within an isolation chamber equipped with basic air filtration systems. Extraction of samples must be cleared by a senior research director, and members of the research team are to consist exclusively of non-smokers, or failing that, former smokers who stopped for a minimum of one (1) year. Personnel caught smoking RPC-660 are to be disciplined, detained and quarantined as new instances of RPC-660-1. Repeat offenders will either be re-disciplined post-treatment and transferred off-site OR demoted to CSD-class for research, experimentation and/or euthanasia.

Confirmed RPC-660-1 instances are to be immediately quarantined and questioned on their acquisition of RPC-660. RPC-660-1s are to be assessed on the extent of RPC-660 infection and either treated or euthanized as necessary, with appropriate cover stories provided to related parties.


fig. 1.2: An RPC-660 instance, recovered from a resident's home in Tallahassee, Florida, USA. (circa 2018)

Description: RPC-660 are cylindrical objects resembling cigarettes with typical cigarette dimensions of 70 - 94mm length and 8mm diameter, as well as possessing variation of patterning along the brown section of RPC-660’s length2 that resemble stripes or mottles. In reality, RPC-660 is a fungal construct resembling a cigarette. A reticulum-like membrane simulates the typical white paper wrapping, a porous basal bulb mimics the filter, and the gills are located within its body, resembling dried tobacco strands. If an unused sample of RPC-660 is placed upon suitable growth medium under humid conditions, the sample will begin to extend mycelia, shift itself to an upright position and slowly bud new instances of RPC-660 around its base3.

RPC-660's "wrapper" exhibits a minor compulsive effect upon smoking individuals to notice it more easily among a group of non-anomalous cigarettes. This effect is mild and can be easily resisted or ignored. As long as an RPC-660 instance remains within subject's line of sight, said individual will continuously notice its presence. This is believed to gradually and subliminally pique the smoker's interest in using the RPC-660 instance.

RPC-660 exhibits pyrophilic serotiny, requiring fire to activate its spores into a viable state. The spores are inhaled by the smoker and enter the lungs. The smoker experiences mild euphoria, compelling them to continue smoking RPC-660 and seek out additional RPC-660 to smoke. At this point, the smoker becomes an instance of RPC-660-1. The spores aggressively consume body tissue to grow and merge into a connected fungal network. Initially complaining of an itchy chest alleviated by smoking RPC-660 or coughing, RPC-660-1's symptoms will gradually worsen over the course of ~1 month into expelling phlegm, gagging, suffocating, and breathlessness. These symptoms are easily interpreted as COPD4.

Despite the progressive worsening of their respiratory function, subjects are compelled to continue smoking RPC-660, claiming the euphoria removes/alleviates symptoms. Subjects may become aggressive if forced to stop smoking RPC-660, but by this point are severely debilitated by extensive destruction of pulmonary tissue and are unable to exert any form of sustained activity5. Once the disease progresses to the advanced stage, it begins budding and gestating new copies of RPC-660 within available body cavities such as the lungs, esophagus, and colon, causing RPC-660-1 to begin expelling RPC-660 specimens through coughing, vomiting, and defecation. In terminal stage infection, the subject undergoes a rapid breakout of severe urticaria and shortly expires from a combination of anaphylactic shock and asphyxiation. The hives rapidly grow in size and whiten in colour, before budding out as new instances of RPC-660 that detach from the corpse. If left untouched internal RPC-660 growths continue to consume the corpse until the body eventually ruptures, leaving little more than a skeletal structure buried under ~450 - ~████ instances of RPC-660. The entire process of infection to death occurs within a week, hastened with additional RPC-660 specimens smoked.

RPC-660-1 instances can be cured of infection provided that RPC-660 has not metastasized deep into the host's body. An aggressive regimen of intravenous antifungals can terminate RPC-660 and possibly rescue the subject. Once the infection has reached the advanced stage however, elimination of RPC-660 accomplishes little as the former host now suffers from multiorgan failure and will swiftly expire post-recovery without multiple organ transplants. Euthanasia followed by the destruction of the body to prevent further growth of RPC-660 is recommended.

RPC-660 infection appears to exclusively target established smokers. Analysis of second-hand smoke created by RPC-660-1 instances contains negligible traces of denatured spores and less than 2% airborne toxins compared to typical second-hand smoke. RPC-660 is unable to propagate via spores unless it is exposed to fire, and spore viability measures within seconds post-ignition before immediately denaturing. RPC-660 has no visual or smell-based compulsions towards non-smokers, and a non-smoker attempting to use a lit instance of RPC-660 becomes violently nauseated without becoming an RPC-660-1 instance, implying that spores require diseased lung tissue in order to grow.


fig. 2.1: Getúlio Vargas State Hospital. (circa 2013)

Discovery: RPC-660 was first discovered in 2016 within Getúlio Vargas State Hospital located in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Authority channels detected distressed calls from the hospital regarding an "unknown new infection". Shortly after a patient within the ICU ward passed away6, a Houseman recording the patient's time of death began witnessing the corpse "sprouting cigarettes". Authority assets intervened to swiftly suppress panic and successfully spun the event as an episode of mass-hallucination caused by leaking anesthetic canisters. This story was made believable in part due to the hospital's run-down condition and underfunded status.

In addition to this, further investigation of hospital premises recovered ~200 paper documents containing heavy referrals to the Group of Interest, the Church of Malthus. The following document is a digital reproduction of one of the documents, of which there were 72 physical copies of.

Of all the WASTEFUL discarding of human life across the history of MANKIND, none has killed with more callous triviality than the simple act of smoking.

Avoidable DEATHS, avoidable DISEASES, avoidable POLLUTION of the human mind, body, and soul.

The ADDICTS who suck upon these poisoned tubes of DEATH are just as much to blame as the GREED-DRIVEN multinational corporations manufacturing them, as much as the advertisers who glamorize the act as 'hip' and 'trendy' to commit slow, slow SUICIDE upon.

BILLIONS of cigarettes would not exist if it weren't for the demand from those millions of mouths. GAPING and PUCKERING, clamoring and begging to suckle the NOXIOUS nectar from these death-laden sticks. Poisoning their lungs, poisoning the air, poisoning INNOCENT bystanders without a care beyond their own quick fix of nicotine and tobacco and tar.

Since that's the case, let them all DIE doing what they LOVE doing so badly. INHALING DEATH.

WE, the CHURCH OF MALTHUS, must fight disease… with disease.

Addendum 660.A

Felix Black Interview

Addendum 660.B

Message From Site-279 Director Joseph Orkins




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