RPC-660

Put It Out Before It Puts You Out

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BY ORDER OF THE GLOBAL DIRECTORATE

The following file describes an anomalous fungal infection, and is Level 3/660 Classified

Unauthorized access is forbidden.

660

fig. 1.1: A collection of used RPC-660 instances in Dongguan, China. Note that the butt in the center containing lettering is a typical non-anomalous used cigarette.

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Registered Phenomena Code: 660

Object Class: Gamma-Orange

Hazard Types: Bio-Hazard, Emotional, Organic, Grouped, Visual

Containment Protocols: Authority surveillance systems embedded within public health services worldwide must screen for suspected RPC-660 infections. The media wing of the Authority is to assist the World Health Organization in the dissemination of anti-smoking publications and health awareness drives, as well as to spin and suppress any panic caused by the witnessing of an RPC-660-1's post-mortem conversion.

Tobacco industries are to be encouraged to print wording upon cigarette wrappers, as RPC-660 is unable to replicate letters. The industry is also to be urged to exaggerate safety issues with the consumption of "knockoff cigarettes" that lack printed letters.

Instances of RPC-660 are to be seized immediately (preferably by non-smoking personnel), sealed within air-tight packaging¹, kept away from sources of heat and sent to the closest Authority site for destruction. Possessors of RPC-660 instances are to be informed of the confiscation of their RPC-660 instances on grounds of a product recall citing safety/quality issues. Possessors that have been seen smoking RPC-660 and/or display suspected signs of infection must also be detained. Possessors found to be distributing RPC-660 instances, especially if they are not actively engaging in recreational use of RPC-660, are to be investigated in regards to links to the Church of Malthus and seized for interrogation.

A sample of RPC-660 is kept at Site-279 within an airtight transparent plastic container, subsisting upon base fungal substrate under humidity and temperature levels suitable for optimal maintenance. This container is kept within an isolation chamber equipped with basic air filtration systems. Extraction of samples must be cleared by a senior research director, and members of the research team are to consist exclusively of non-smokers, or failing that, former smokers who stopped for a minimum of one (1) year. Personnel caught smoking RPC-660 are to be disciplined, detained and quarantined as new instances of RPC-660-1. Repeat offenders will either be re-disciplined post-treatment and transferred off-site OR demoted to CSD-class for research, experimentation and/or euthanasia.

Confirmed RPC-660-1 instances are to be immediately quarantined and questioned on their acquisition of RPC-660. RPC-660-1s are to be assessed on the extent of RPC-660 infection and either treated or euthanized as necessary, with appropriate cover stories provided to related parties.

fig. 1.2: An RPC-660 instance, recovered from a resident's home in Tallahassee, Florida, USA. (circa 2018)

Description: RPC-660 are cylindrical objects resembling cigarettes with typical cigarette dimensions of 70 - 94mm length and 8mm diameter, as well as possessing variation of patterning along the brown section of RPC-660’s length² that resemble stripes or mottles. In reality, RPC-660 is a fungal construct resembling a cigarette. A reticulum-like membrane simulates the typical white paper wrapping, a porous basal bulb mimics the filter, and the gills are located within its body, resembling dried tobacco strands. If an unused sample of RPC-660 is placed upon suitable growth medium under humid conditions, the sample will begin to extend mycelia, shift itself to an upright position and slowly bud new instances of RPC-660 around its base³.

RPC-660's "wrapper" exhibits a minor compulsive effect upon smoking individuals to notice it more easily among a group of non-anomalous cigarettes. This effect is mild and can be easily resisted or ignored. As long as an RPC-660 instance remains within subject's line of sight, said individual will continuously notice its presence. This is believed to gradually and subliminally pique the smoker's interest in using the RPC-660 instance.

RPC-660 exhibits pyrophilic serotiny, requiring fire to activate its spores into a viable state. The spores are inhaled by the smoker and enter the lungs. The smoker experiences mild euphoria, compelling them to continue smoking RPC-660 and seek out additional RPC-660 to smoke. At this point, the smoker becomes an instance of RPC-660-1. The spores aggressively consume body tissue to grow and merge into a connected fungal network. Initially complaining of an itchy chest alleviated by smoking RPC-660 or coughing, RPC-660-1's symptoms will gradually worsen over the course of ~1 month into expelling phlegm, gagging, suffocating, and breathlessness. These symptoms are easily interpreted as COPD⁴.

Despite the progressive worsening of their respiratory function, subjects are compelled to continue smoking RPC-660, claiming the euphoria removes/alleviates symptoms. Subjects may become aggressive if forced to stop smoking RPC-660, but by this point are severely debilitated by extensive destruction of pulmonary tissue and are unable to exert any form of sustained activity⁵. Once the disease progresses to the advanced stage, it begins budding and gestating new copies of RPC-660 within available body cavities such as the lungs, esophagus, and colon, causing RPC-660-1 to begin expelling RPC-660 specimens through coughing, vomiting, and defecation. In terminal stage infection, the subject undergoes a rapid breakout of severe urticaria and shortly expires from a combination of anaphylactic shock and asphyxiation. The hives rapidly grow in size and whiten in colour, before budding out as new instances of RPC-660 that detach from the corpse. If left untouched internal RPC-660 growths continue to consume the corpse until the body eventually ruptures, leaving little more than a skeletal structure buried under ~450 - ~████ instances of RPC-660. The entire process of infection to death occurs within a week, hastened with additional RPC-660 specimens smoked.

RPC-660-1 instances can be cured of infection provided that RPC-660 has not metastasized deep into the host's body. An aggressive regimen of intravenous antifungals can terminate RPC-660 and possibly rescue the subject. Once the infection has reached the advanced stage however, elimination of RPC-660 accomplishes little as the former host now suffers from multiorgan failure and will swiftly expire post-recovery without multiple organ transplants. Euthanasia followed by the destruction of the body to prevent further growth of RPC-660 is recommended.

RPC-660 infection appears to exclusively target established smokers. Analysis of second-hand smoke created by RPC-660-1 instances contains negligible traces of denatured spores and less than 2% airborne toxins compared to typical second-hand smoke. RPC-660 is unable to propagate via spores unless it is exposed to fire, and spore viability measures within seconds post-ignition before immediately denaturing. RPC-660 has no visual or smell-based compulsions towards non-smokers, and a non-smoker attempting to use a lit instance of RPC-660 becomes violently nauseated without becoming an RPC-660-1 instance, implying that spores require diseased lung tissue in order to grow.

fig. 2.1: Getúlio Vargas State Hospital. (circa 2013)

Discovery: RPC-660 was first discovered in 2016 within Getúlio Vargas State Hospital located in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Authority channels detected distressed calls from the hospital regarding an "unknown new infection". Shortly after a patient within the ICU ward passed away⁶, a Houseman recording the patient's time of death began witnessing the corpse "sprouting cigarettes". Authority assets intervened to swiftly suppress panic and successfully spun the event as an episode of mass-hallucination caused by leaking anesthetic canisters. This story was made believable in part due to the hospital's run-down condition and underfunded status.

In addition to this, further investigation of hospital premises recovered ~200 paper documents containing heavy referrals to the Group of Interest, the Church of Malthus. The following document is a digital reproduction of one of the documents, of which there were 72 physical copies of.

Of all the WASTEFUL discarding of human life across the history of MANKIND, none has killed with more callous triviality than the simple act of smoking.

Avoidable DEATHS, avoidable DISEASES, avoidable POLLUTION of the human mind, body, and soul.

The ADDICTS who suck upon these poisoned tubes of DEATH are just as much to blame as the GREED-DRIVEN multinational corporations manufacturing them, as much as the advertisers who glamorize the act as 'hip' and 'trendy' to commit slow, slow SUICIDE upon.

BILLIONS of cigarettes would not exist if it weren't for the demand from those millions of mouths. GAPING and PUCKERING, clamoring and begging to suckle the NOXIOUS nectar from these death-laden sticks. Poisoning their lungs, poisoning the air, poisoning INNOCENT bystanders without a care beyond their own quick fix of nicotine and tobacco and tar.

Since that's the case, let them all DIE doing what they LOVE doing so badly. INHALING DEATH.

WE, the CHURCH OF MALTHUS, must fight disease… with disease.

Addendum 660.A

Felix Black Interview

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► RPC:/660/interviews/black_interview.log ◄

Interview-660

Interviewer: Vinny Hanoll

Interviewee: Felix Black

Foreword: Authority channels received an invite from a member of an alleged faction within the Church of Malthus claiming knowledge of RPC-660. The interview was agreed upon under a public location chosen by the interviewee, with the condition of no hostile actions being taken against Authority agents during the interview. The interviewer and accompanying security were nevertheless provided with suitable biological protective measures. Preliminary observation reveals the interviewee was seated long before the arrival of the interviewer.

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Hannoll: State your name, position and the purpose of arranging this interview.

Black: Felix Black⁷, Church of Malthus messenger, Myconic Sect. The message I'm sent to deliver: We've already won, you've already lost.

Hannoll: Could you elaborate why, or is that all there is to it?

Black: No, it's not. I want to begin by clarifying. It's not unreasonable to think that we're gloating or being arrogant, but it's more than that. I'll explain why as long as you have the time. [Mr. Black glances at the 2 agents behind Vinny Hannoll.] Just have your goons keep a respectable distance.

Hannoll: Go ahead. [Mr. Hannoll signals for plainclothes agents to stand down.]

Black: Starting off, we're aware of your attempts to suppress the Zephyr Strain. That's a purposely ironic reference, by the way. Big Tobacco once researched the effects of their products in a pathetic bid to disprove the truth that cigarettes kill people by the droves. "Zephyr" was their code name for the resultant cancers spawned from their cigarettes! Can you believe that?! Even to themselves, they, they chose to disguise the truth behind the consequence of using their miscreations!

Hannoll: Calm down please, and get to the point.

Black: All right, just trying to break the ice. Give me a moment, I actually wrote a script down for this meeting. Didn't bring the damn thing. [Mr. Black spends the following minute looking down and rubbing his temples.]

Black: I want to be angry, feel angry, that your organization is saving the lives of these… these worthless cast-self-asides… but failure is the mother of innovation, isn't it? Thanks to your efforts in curing the infected, we are still gathering valuable data from the observations. How long it takes for the fungicides to kick in, how extensive infection must be to ensure the dreg's body is wrecked beyond salvage, the most effective fungicides.

[Mr. Hannoll gives an unamused look at Felix Black.]

Black: Don't give me that look, we have eyes and ears everywhere just like you.

Hannoll: You are telling us of your intentions to improve RPC-660?

Black: Even better, I'm going to tell you our roadmap. What you're dealing with is just the proto-version, the trial, the opening salvo. Version 1.0. The one we're working on right now. Version 2 is going to be bigger and badder! Multi-drug resistance! Diversification of portfolio: Zephyr strains that resemble Cigars! Joints! Blunts! Spliffs! Vape fluid! Modern solutions for modern problems! And once we're done with that we'll start work on… wait for it… Version 3! Just put one of those bad babies amongst hundreds of thousands of cigarettes in the factories, watch it convert the entire product line! Spread it in the tobacco fields, see them host and nurture the spores themselves! Do you Authority fellas think you can run microscopes through each and every tobacco farm in the world? Hey, you're welcome to try.

Hannoll: [Writing down notes, checks recorder status] I must say that you are telling us a lot of your plans. Aren't you worried this will backfire on you?

Black: Not at all. You don't know where the labs are, where all the real work is being done. And even if you did find out and shut them all down, you still have Version 1 to deal with. Think about it. Cigarettes are everywhere across the world, from grocery store shelves to ashtrays. No one really gives a shit who has a cigarette nowadays, unless the idiot lights up in an airplane or a smoking-free building. [Chuckles] All it takes is for one smoker to keep a few Zephyr sticks in his or her pocket, travel from New York to Delhi, light up there, and poof! Incoming epidemic in a new country!

Hannoll: We can learn and adapt against this.

Black: Ooooh, ah yes, the arms warfare principle. Whatever we do, you anticipate, adapt, fight back. And whatever you do, we anticipate, adapt and fight back. But this time, Mother Nature herself is on our side. Do you truly believe you can hold back against the most primeval life form that trawled the dirt and the air long before the first air-breathing fish crawled ashore? As a point of reference: are you even aware of how many fungal spores you just inhaled with that last breath you took?

Hannoll: …Is that a threat?

Black: No no, it's not. Just another trivia tidbit. Estimated average puts it at around 60 to 100 spores inhaled per minute. But back to my main point, the moment we brought these sticks into the public domain, we won. The moment the first smoker lit up a Zephyr stick, we won. Whatever you do to suppress or fight against our creation, we've won. The only way to beat us at our game is to ban smoking entirely! The only other choice is to let the smokers smoke, and let nature run its course! Humanity will be self-corrected, one way or another. Regardless of your Authority's choice, it's a win-win for the Church and the rest of mankind!

Hannoll: I believe we are done here, but I have one last question. Are you responsible for the creation of 660?

Black: I can't take full credit, but I can proudly say that I've had a hand in its conception.

Hannoll: Well then, we'd love for you to enlighten us further at one of our establishments. Come along quietly, and we'll make it comfortable for you.

Black: What's this? Please, you Authority figures and your crude notions of detainment.

[Mr. Black does not resist as he is surrounded and seized for detainment. Upon being lifted from the chair, Mr. Black rapidly disintegrates into fungal mulch. The interviewed entity is believed to be a decoy proxy of the real Felix Black. Investigations are ongoing.]

Addendum 660.B

Message From Site-279 Director Joseph Orkins

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► RPC:/660/files/orkins_message.log ◄

A harmless meeting between our representative and that of the Church? Perhaps, but I can see clearly the intent behind Mr. Black's statements: Saber rattling.

Mr. Black's boasting of such lofty goals indicates an attempt to instill doubt and nervousness, that we are standing at the precipice of an unstoppable avalanche. It's possible that his cohorts may be refining the strain even as I write this, but on the other hand it's just as possible that they are struggling to do so, that it may not be as easy as he lets it on to be. All claims, no evidence.

The way Mr. Black carried himself, he might as well have been studying from the training manual for those tech expo speakers who hype up audiences for the latest batch of gadgets and gizmos.

We are the Authority. We have contained and fought back against far worse anomalous disasters. In some cases, we continue to until this very day.

To those who have access to the interview: Do not ignore the threat, but remain skeptical. We will deal with RPC-660 and its hypothetical successors much like we have with many others before it.

On a final note: The global cessation of smoking has always been a noble goal in and of itself. The genocidal manner that this "myconic sect" is going about it, however, goes to show how out of touch the Church is with the rest of humanity, as usual.

Footnotes

1. Unpunctured ziploc bags will suffice at the minimum.

2. Commonly known as the filter.

3. An estimated time period of 18 days is required for the creation of a new instance of RPC-660 through this conventional method of reproduction.

4. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder

5. This includes resisting the removal of RPC-660 instances within their possession.

6. Investigation of the patient's clinical notes reveals an extensive history of smoking, and that prior to death an attempt to perform a lung endoscopy was interrupted by a "severe blockage of cigarettes" within the trachea. The patient expired before doctors could investigate further. Doctors were deciding between end-stage COPD or suicide via forced insertion of cigarettes as the cause of death.

7. No records of such an individual exist.

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