RPC-627

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RPC-627.png

RPC-627 as seen within the auxiliary kitchen of Site-036, personnel CSD-11207 can be seen preparing an order printed out by the object.

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Registered Phenomena Code: 627

Object Class: Alpha-Orange

Hazard Types: Mechanical Hazard, Contact Hazard, Electromagnetic Force Hazard, Teleportation Hazard,

Containment Protocols: RPC-627 is to be housed in a clear acrylic box measuring 0.6 m x 0.6 m by 0.6 m (2ft. x 2ft. x 2ft.), with circular holes on one face to allow for minimal interaction with the object. The box containing RPC-627 should allow for the object to be plugged into an independent generator, and is to be stationed at the auxiliary kitchen of Site-036. This kitchen has been granted special priority privileges in regards to food shipments delivered to the Site. Unusual or exotic ingredients1 which may be a part of the orders produced by RPC-627 are to be procured with utmost haste and care, and should be delivered to the auxiliary kitchen immediately for use in the orders made by the object.

Six (6) CSD personnel with experience in food service and preparation must be placed on standby and ready at a moments notice to produce any and all orders printed out by RPC-627. If CSD personnel are successful in completing an order from RPC-627, all money manifested is to be confiscated and utilized by the Authority as it sees fit. If CSD personnel are unable to complete the order for any reason, be it lack of ingredients, time, or otherwise, new CSD personnel will be brought in as replacements. No personnel should attempt to damage or destroy RPC-627. The only time contact with the object is allowed is when order slips are removed for study and to produce the orders printed on them. Periods of activity and inactivity are to be recorded on a weekly basis to attempt to formulate a pattern of RPC-627's orders.

Description: RPC-627 is a common receipt printer2 of seemingly average make and model, though the object bears no manufacturing markings whatsoever. RPC-627 has several anomalous traits, primarily, the object has shown to randomly print out various "orders" of various foodstuffs and non-foodstuffs which may or may not have special instructions on their preparation/presentation. These orders may vary wildly from one another, and some orders have shown to repeat. The method by which RPC-627 prints out orders is unknown.

If an order is not completed as per the specific instructions, any individual who completed the last order produced by RPC-627 any individual within a 250 m 1km radius will instantly vanish teleport to an as of yet unknown location, possibly existing [DATA EXPUNGED] (See Incident Report: 627-1 for details). If the order is completed within its defined parameters however, the foodstuffs/non-foodstuffs of the order will instead teleport to the unknown location, and the money that the order states is the price will be instantly teleported into the possession of individuals responsible for the creation of the order, always as cash.

RPC-627 is also known to operate without an apparent external power source (though it is not recommended that personnel allow this), and appears to be indestructible, as multiple attempts at its destruction have been unsuccessful. To date, RPC-627 has survived blunt force trauma, fire, submergence in water, freezing, and even anomalous means of destruction. All such methods have shown no effect on the appearance or function of RPC-627.

Lastly, RPC-627 is capable of defending itself from potential or perceived threats, as several attempts to relocate it via direct contact have been met with RPC-627 discharging targeted electrical currents towards the individual making contact with it. "Sentient Hazard" classification is pending, however, it is unknown how the object achieves this. The ream of receipt paper within RPC-627's chassis appears to be inexhaustible, and the object's inkwells are in fact empty. Research is ongoing to determine the composition and source of both the paper and ink the object produces.

Recovery Report: RPC-627 was first recovered on ██/██/2007 from The ████████████ Restaurant, an establishment usually specializing in seafood, after several of it's staff had seemingly vanished in the middle of a lunch rush, with patrons in the dining area also beginning to vanish at random shortly after. One line chef, identified as Tim █████, did not initially vanish however, and continued to make the orders produced by RPC-627 until Authority agents were able to secure the location. A cover story of a gas leak which originated in the kitchen was implemented, and a heavy dose of amnestics were applied to all surviving patrons as an explanation for those which were lost. Mr. █████ was interviewed shortly afterwards about his explanation for his actions during the incident.

Addendum: Interview 627-1, dated ██/██/2007.

Interviewed: Tim █████, the only apparent surviving staff member of RPC-627's recovery incident.

Interviewer: Field Agent ████.

Forward: Interview was conducted on location immediately after recovery incident, RPC-627 is currently contained within a Faraday cage, as it was initially thought that the object received orders remotely.

<Begin Log>

Agent ████: Hey man, are you alright? Can you explain to me what happened to your boss and co-workers?

Mr. █████: I don't really know man, but listen, I gotta finish those orders, so I don't end up like them.

Agent ████: Do you know where they are? Have they gone somewhere?

Mr. █████: Like I said, I really don't have a clue, if they're dead I'm sorry for them, but something came up on the machine that explained I could prevent what happened to them from happening to me. So, I did my job.

Agent ████: What were these instructions? Do you have the slip?

Mr. █████: Yes actually, here. (Mr. █████ hands the Agent an order slip) It said my name, and explained to me that if I just made the orders, I could go home after a while. I didn't make some of them that well though, some of this stuff I'm not really experienced in. Wherever they went though, whoever got it didn't seem to mind.

Agent ████: (Reviewing the slip) Hmm, I see. Now, do you know where this machine came from?

Mr. █████: Well, we've always had two machines, that one just started acting strange.

Agent ████: Uh huh, well thank you for your time Tim, we can take care of things from here.

Mr. █████: No wait, it specified all of the orders I had to make before I could go, you really have to let me finish those up.

Agent ████: Don't worry, your work here is complete, you will be compensated for-

Mr. █████: No please, you have to, whoever is on the other side of that thing wanted me an me alone to finish those orders! Please!

Mr. █████ attempts to approach RPC-627, he is restrained by Agent ████ and other security personnel.

Mr. █████: Stop! Please! I've got to finish the orders! I don't want to-

Mr. █████ vanishes, seemingly instantaneously and completely. A slip is produced by RPC-627 moments later.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Damn it, that guy wasn't kidding, we should have let him finish those orders, these slips look like they suggest [REDACTED].
-Agent ████
(See Addendum 627-1 for details).

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