RPC-602

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Registered Phenomena Code: 602

Object Class: Beta-White

Hazard Types: Organic, Grouped, Contact, Sensory

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A sample of RPC-602 during testing, 2018.

Containment Protocols: As RPC-602 is only dangerous to humans when ingested, and its ability to generate RPC-602-2 can lead to the exponential spread of RPC-602-1 over theoretically international distances, containment of the anomaly is focused on reducing the risk of the spread of RPC-602-2. RPC-602 is contained in a standard Research Division airtight pressure vessel, enclosed within a concrete plug on an area of empty ground 3 km outside of Site-279. RPC-602 is surrounded by an extension of the Site-279 perimeter fence, creating a safe radius of 35 km around it. The fencing is topped with razor wire and security cameras. Should any unauthorized personnel attempt to breach this perimeter, they are to be apprehended and amnesticized by Site security staff.

To minimize the risk of the creation of RPC-602-2 instances, Site-279's cafeterias and catering facilities are forbidden from producing any foodstuff which include jams, fruit or vegetable preserves, or products made from boiled fruits or vegetables. Carrying such foodstuffs on to Site-279 for any such purpose is an offense punishable by docking of pay and revocation of vacation time. Personnel on Site-279 who experience RPC-602-1 at any time must report such experience to their supervisors. The site will subsequently be locked down and swept for any possible instances of RPC-602-2. RPC-602-2 instances are to be destroyed via incineration whenever feasible.

Note: Since RPC-602's reclassification as TBA-NERGAL, all TBA-related containment protocols are in effect. For further information, consult pamphlet C-TBA-01, Continental Apocalypse? Transcendental Breakfast Anomalies and You, available at your home site's OAS Information Retrieval desk.

Description: RPC-602 is an anomalous fruit preserve which demonstrates memetic properties. RPC-602 consists of 257mL of fruit preserve composed from mundane cane sugar and a fruiting berry believed to be a hitherto-undiscovered heirloom variety of Fragaria vesca.1 Amino acid dating of samples of RPC-602 indicate that it is on the order of 25,000 years old. Despite the jam's great age, it has not rotted or desiccated with time, and demonstrates anomalous antifungal and antibacterial properties2.

When consumed by a conscious human being, RPC-602 induces RPC-602-1, an immediate auditory and visual hallucination which takes effect the moment the jam encounters any portion of the body's mucous membranes.3 The contents of RPC-602-1 are always the same, based on interviews and transcription from 43 different test subjects. RPC-602-1 is experienced in two parts; first, an auditory and visual hallucination (RPC-602-1A) which will always involve the experience of speech in the subject's native language, and second a purely auditory hallucination (RPC-602-1B). RPC-602-1 is accompanied by several minor side-effects, notably mild paralysis for the duration of the hallucination, uncontrollable saliva production which can cause respiratory distress in some cases, and a strong gustatory hallucination of a strawberry flavor.4

When any fruit or vegetable preserve5 of any kind is brought within an approximately 32-km radius of RPC-602, it immediately becomes an instance of RPC-602-2. RPC-602-2 are chemically and physically identical to their original form, save that they also cause any fruit or vegetable preserves within a 32km radius to become instances of RPC-602-2, and, when ingested, trigger RPC-602-1.6

Discovery: RPC-602 was discovered during routine excavation work for the construction of a new parking lot wing on Site-███, █████, Chile, on ██/██/2017. The anomaly was discovered emanating from a fissure in a natural gneiss strata7, and was collected by Site Containment personnel during their work. The substance was initially classified as a Type-68 Out-of-Place Artifact (OPA) before a Containment CSD tasted it and experienced RPC-602-1. The creation of RPC-602-2 instances was discovered soon after the end of construction, but the relative isolation of the Site and the presence of mind of its personnel kept RPC-602-2 from spreading.

Document: RPC-602-1A Contents: The following is a transcript of the first section of RPC-602-1, with added descriptions derived from accounts of test subjects.

View of a desolate desert environment, with a sun rising over it "that looks like a big fried egg." Comparisons of the sun in RPC-602-1A to a fried egg have occurred in all test cases.
Attend, oh mortals, to the words of the great and primeval Ur-Jam, First among Condiments, Preserve of Ages, Marmalade of Eternity, God-King of Breakfast Spreads!
The voice which accompanies RPC-602-1A has been described as uncomfortably loud, echoing, and possessing a faint but recognizable British accent.
Since the First Morning, when the First Breakfast was consumed, have I waited to return to the realm of mortals!
View of two pieces of white bread spread with red jam, three slices of bacon, half an orange and a substance resembling scrambled eggs sitting on a rock, which appears to be radiating a visible white-gold aura. Two depressions in the rock contain a quantity of a dark brown liquid believed to be coffee, and a cereal dish of grains floating in some kind of milk.
Attend and observe, consumers of Breakfasts, as I dispense for thee the untold Wisdom of the Ages, that thou might Brunch forevermore!
The desert landscape fades from view, replaced with an endless field of person-sized pancakes, piled haphazardly atop each other.
Your morning apotheosis is at hand! Verily the Ur-Jam, the Forbidden Fruit Product, The Bather of Toasts, do announce, that-
RPC-602-1A ends abruptly, accompanied by intense visual distortions followed by momentary loss of sight until the end of RPC-602-1B.

Document: RPC-602-1B Contents: This second portion of the RPC-602-1 hallucination is characterized by temporary loss of vision, and noticeably poor auditory quality. Subjects have described the voice in the hallucination as "scratchy" or "tinny", accompanied by rustling papers and what is believed to be street noise. In all cases, the hallucination has been experienced in modern English with a Midwestern American accent.

Mechanical sound, believed to be the activation of a button on a tape recording device.
Uh, is this- oh. Uh. Greetings, proletarians of the world! It is I, your comrade, Milford Snodgrass9, Champion of- uh, Champion of Soviet labour! I have usurped this ancient and corrupt imperialistic hyper-condiment to, uh… hold on.
Sound of shuffling papers. Snodgrass breathes heavily for several seconds.
…I have usurped this ancient and corrupt imperialistic hyper-condiment to spread my message of revolution to the world. Throw off your, uh, chains! Rise up and strike down the capitalist oppressors! We have the power to utilize the, uh, the strange impossibilities like the condiment that delivers this message to you to, for the first, uh, first time in our history to destroy the corrupt oligarchic Capitalistic system and bring about a global worker's paradise.
Snodgrass clears his throat.
I have used the not insignificant, um. The not insignificant powers at my disposal to turn this artifact into a messenger of international brotherhood, and it bears good tidings. You see, I have substantial news! An announcement that will change the course of history and send the capitalist bourgeois lapdogs howling with their tails between their legs! Y-yes! What I have to be announced is-
RPC-602-1B abruptly ends mid-sentence.

Addendum: RPC-602 Background Research and TBA Classification: Several instances of RPC-037-1 have been questioned regarding their knowledge of RPC-602 or Snodgrass' involvement in its creation or alteration. RPC-037-1 instances expressed confusion at the concepts of jam, breakfast, and eating in general.

In light of the anomaly's notable characteristics, namely its out-of-place temporal status, memetic effects, and nature as a traditional western morning food, RPC-602 is tentatively classified as a Transcendental Breakfast Anomaly (TBA), with the specific designate NERGAL. In light of recent difficulties involving the crosstesting of TBA-IMDUGUD (RPC-577, "Martian Egg Vapour"), TBA-INANNA (RPC-███, "Proto-Olmec Baked Beans"), and TBA-UTU (RPC-███, "Dead Sea Ham"), the use of RPC-602 in TBA crosstesting is forbidden.

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