KAKE KNIFE™ by Amazing! Co.





Registered Phenomena Code: 536

Object Class: Beta-Purple

Previous Designate: LO-536

Hazard Types:Additional Properties: h-transmutation.png Transmutation h-contact.png Contact h-mind-control.png Mind-Control h-immeasurable.png Immeasurable

Containment Protocols

LO-536 is contained within a standard Lesser Anomalous Object locker in Site-015's low-security wing. Personnel with type two-R clearance and above may access LO-536 for additional testing at the discretion of class 3 personnel. Any and all misuse of LO-536 must be reported – in accordance with research personnel's standard operating procedures – to lead researcher: Dr. Nguyen.

Congruent Protocols: Personnel are prohibited from responding to any advertisement or commercial material – imperiously those originating from RPC-████ – which showcases RPC-536. Furthermore, MST-X-Ray-06 "Annulifiers" has been tasked with tracking any medium hosting 1-800-A!C0ÁKΣ.



Figure 536-A: Agent Bánh after being exposed to RPC-536 following the "Happy Birthday" containment breach.

RPC-536 is a mint green carbon steel 33x3.5cm French-style chef's knife with a matching polytetrafluoroethylene2 handle. RPC-536 is devoid of any manufacturing marks or labels aside from a solid black Amazing! Co. logo above the bolster on the left flat of the blade.

RPC-536's anomalous abilities manifest when an object makes contact with any portion of its blade. When applied with force, RPC-536 will transmute said object into a flour-based confectionery or cake. These transmutations are instantaneous and wholly envelop the entirety of whatever RPC-536 cuts.

The confectionaries concocted by RPC-536 are non-anomalous and superficially display no obvious signs of transitionary stress or disfigurement. The surfaces of the structures are primarily formed from painted and textured marzipan.3 In addition, the interiors act as cake-derived pseudo facsimiles; specifically in regards to the objects' initial density. Light-weight items – such as construction foams or cotton – convert into aerated sponge cake while objects with higher density or a large mass will transmute into pound cake. The exact nature of these variations are currently being debated by members of the Chemistry Dept.


While testing RPC-████,4 researchers discovered an infomercial network titled "A!Co. Shaap Mo." The channel advertised several known Amazing! Co. products including RPC-013 variations, Biomechanical Warriors™ such as RPC-237,5 and RPC-909. Each product's commercial was accompanied by an indecipherable or non-sensical series of toll-free "1-800" numbers, none of which were active by the time the Cryptography Dept. deciphered their respective number.

Despite their failings, the team managed to place a direct call to the number decoded during RPC-536's infomercial. Transcribed below is the aforementioned advertisement.

Following the manifestation of RPC-536, a security breach was declared. After a brief investigation, on-site ASF personnel were unable to find any lead that indicated the method in which RPC-536 was transported. Furthermore, personnel have been prohibited from attempting to contact any number associated with the "A!Co. Shaap Mo." shopping channel, and "Jim" has been added to the Persons of Interest (PoI) listing. Although, based on the available evidence, The Authority suspects "Jim" may not exist.

Addendum 536.01

Following the initial manifestation of RPC-536, The Authority focused its efforts on shutting down all variations of Amazing! Co. advertisements, while RPC-536 was classified as a Lesser Anomalous Item. It remained as LO-536 for several months without any major incident – aside from Jr. Researcher Peterson turning Med door #17 into cake – until an unrelated containment breach caused by RPC-994 on the 9th of June, 20██.

Prior to the incident, personnel had not observed interactions with RPC-536's anomalous traits on sapient or human subjects. Agent Bánh, a member of RPC-994's containment team, was unintentionally cut by RPC-536 under inconsequential circumstances during said containment breach. The incident report is as follows:


Figure 536-B: Agent Bánh's brain post autopsy, note the raspberry cerebrospinal fluid.

Following the discovery of the memetic effect exhibited by RPC-536, it was reclassified and its containment protocols updated. Research personnel who had previously interacted with the object were questioned, but none of them experienced similar memetic influence as in the 994-08 incident.

Agent Bánh's body was quarantined by members of ProLab establishing Rev. II containment protocols. They were unable to accurately measure the possible area of effect RPC-536 established, but in conjunction with members of the Biology Dept. performed an autopsy on Agent Bánh's body, which they concluded exuded no long-lasting memetic effects.

Despite addressing the medical team performing the autopsy, Agent Bánh was officially declared dead at the time of the initial incident. While capable of speech, primarily the phrases "It's my birthday" and "You forgot last year," Agent Bánh no longer reacted towards any stimuli, nor displayed any vitals signs. His internal organs, such as the heart and lungs, had transformed en masse alongside the chest cavity's assorted viscera into a yellow lemon cake. His brain, while intact, was inert and had likewise transmuted into a red velvet cake.9 [See Figure 536-B] Dr. Nguyen also noted that it was not Agent Bánh's birthday.

Addendum 536.02

RPC-536 remained incident-free under the second revision containment protocols for approx. four months. On Sep ██, 20██, a 5.1 magnitude earthquake shook Site-015, resulting in RPC-536 making contact with and destroying its containment cell and eventually the concrete supports of the Γ/Β containment wing.

Due to the solid, seamless construction of the sector's concrete support structures, the entirety of the containment wing collapsed under the resultant weight shift due to the instantaneous transmutation. While the concrete was transformed into a remarkably dense pound cake, the collapse in conjunction with the earthquake devastated the site.

Approx. 319 personnel died in the subsequent containment breach. Additionally, 56 personnel are MIA, RPC-███, RPC-███, and RPC-███ were destroyed, and RPC-███ has still not been relocated.

Note from Dr. Nguyen: I've submitted RPC-536 for further reclassification following the 536.02 containment breach. We can't hold it here, not with the shakes and the other anomalies. To think even a minor quake led to all this. I've requested to have it sent to Site-024 under my direct supervision. We don't know what the limits to its transformative abilities are. It changed ten thousand tons of concrete in the same time it would change a marble. What would happen if it fell on the ground?

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