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Registered Phenomena Code: 304
Object Class: Alpha-White
Hazard Types: Sapient Hazard, Organic Hazard, Extra-dimensional Hazard
Containment Protocols: As RPC-304 poses no threat, there is no requirement for active containment to be in place at this time. If RPC-304 inadvertently manifests during low priority experimentation, then researchers are to record RPC-304. If the number of attempts to manifest exceeds ██, then testing is to cease so as not to waste Authority resources.
Description: RPC-304 is the designation for an alternate reality that is only accessible via random chance when using reality jumping objects or technology (anomalous or otherwise). RPC-304 consists of a black void containing a small fire and three seemingly immortal male humans named John, Jim, and Bob (dubbed RPC-304-1 to 3 respectfully) that sit around the fire.
They only spend their time making conversation and mocking each other jokingly. Through multiple recordings of their interactions, it is clear they possess extensive knowledge of the anomalous world, which includes comprehension of the RPC Authority's function. Although they are knowledgeable about different alternate realities, they seem to be more familiar with the baseline universe than anything else.
How RPC-304-1, -2, and -3 obtained this information is unknown. There is no known way to access the inside of RPC-304, and RPC-304-1, 2, and 3 don’t respond to any attempts of communication despite the fact they’re aware of the researchers watching them. When a portal or “window” leading to RPC-304 is opened, it will stay open for an undefined amount of time. Afterward, it will close or power off at a random point in time. Because of this, RPC-304 cannot stay open indefinitely.
Forward: Below are a few recorded conversations between the three RPC-304 entities (To see a full record of their conversations go to Document-304-A).
Foreword: Guest Researcher █████ was conducting a test on RPC-███ when RPC-304 opened abruptly. Because of the low priority of the test, RPC-304 was left open for possible documentation.
<Begin Log>
RPC-304-1: You know Jim I miss eating food.
RPC-304-2: Yea me too man, my favorite was soap that shit used to be too good. What about you bob?
RPC-304-3: I-I u-used to like ch-chocolate.
RPC-304-1: Yah… I guess chocolate was pretty good. But do you know what I miss more?
RPC-304-2: What?
RPC-304-1: Gigtasms! I Used to love how they tasted on my tongue… and how it filled up my my mouth…
RPC-304-3: What a-are you g-gay?
RPC-304-1: No! I’m not fuckin gay, retard!
RPC-304-2: I don’t know man… I don’t know, sounds kinda gay to me.
RPC-304-1: Oh Goddammit! Shut the fuck up!
<End Log>
Closing Statement: RPC-███ ceased function temporarily instantly after this was recorded. When research conducted to see if a food named ”Gigtasm” existed, it was found that Gigtasms are an anomalous fruit that taste extremely bitter and cause visual hallucinations, despite this RPC-304-1 does not mention these properties.
Foreword: RPC-███ was used to try to actively find RPC-304. After ██ attempts, RPC-304 manifested.
<Begin Log>
RPC-304-1: You know what’s crazy to me?
RPC-304-2: What?
RPC-304-1: The fact that nazis still exist and I’m not talkin about larpers either, I’m talkin about actual fuckin nazis still kickin and fuckin with anomalous things.
RPC-304-2: So? Why can’t you just let them do their thing? And anyway their aesthetic is cool.
RPC-304-1: Oh… Your one of those retards. (In a mocking tone) “And anyway their aesthetic is sooo cool”, so fuckin retarded.
RPC-304-3: Ehh, whatever man. I’m just surprised your not talkin about KK.
RPC-304-1: KK?
RPC-304-2: Kabushiki Kawaii
RPC-304-1: Ohhhh yaaaaaa. But I have to ask, why would I talk about my greatest sexual fantasies out loud?
RPC-304-2: Goddamn dude! That’s fuckin disgusting! You know they use sex slaves right?
RPC-304-1: So? They're gonna get raped anyways, what's the difference if it's me doin it instead?
RPC-304-2: Now that's just fucked up man.
RPC-304-1: No it's not, it's factually correct! Isn’t that that right Bob?
RPC-304-3: N-no… I don’t thin-
RPC-304-1: Tch, your opinion doesn’t matter anyways Bob! Hmph, as I was sayin-
<End Log>
Closing Statement: RPC-304-1 was cut off by the rift closing, ending the recording.
Foreword: The procedure was the same as the last recording.
<Begin Log>
RPC-304-1: You know what pisses me off?
RPC-304-2: What?
RPC-304-1: Egoistical dipshits that think they're God or at least a god just because they have some wack-ass ability.
RPC-304-2: Actually yea! That’s right. It’s so fuckin stupid, they’re “whoopdea-fuckin-doo just because I have the power eat universes means I'm suddenly a god.” It’s horrible.
RPC-304-1: It‘s gotten to the point I can’t tell the difference between an actual god and some snobby piece of shit!
RPC-304-2: Hmm, well this brings up the question. What actually makes a god?
RPC-304-1: Well it’s clearly not power or at least just power. We basically already wrote that off.
RPC-304-2: Wouldn’t a god be someone or something that is the physical embodiment of an idea?
RPC-304-1: Huh, maybe that kinda sounds solid enough.
RPC-304-3: Isn't a-a god some-someone that creates living thi-things?
RPC-304-1: That can’t be it you dumbass! Or at least the only requirement.
RPC-304-2: Not to be rude Bob but that is a bit silly. By that logic humans are Gods seeing as they perfect genetic engineering in a good amount of alternate universes. And we know humans aren’t gods!
RPC-304-1: That was utter fuckin blasphemy to even think that was the case for even a second.
RPC-304-2: Blasphemy? I never took you as the religious type.
RPC-304-1: Heh, well I’m not but-
<End Log>
Closing Statement: RPC-304-1 was cut off by RPC-███, ceasing function.
During a test on a low level object, RPC-304 manifested. During the manifestation, all three RPC-304 instances only stared at researcher ██████ in complete silence. This proceeded for a total of 28 minutes before RPC-304-1 began to erupt in laughter. Seconds after, the rift closed.
Foreword: The procedure was the same as the last recording. The recording seemed to start during a conversation about the RPC Authority.
<Begin Log>
RPC-304-1: You know? Speaking of the Authority, why the hell do they give so much of a shit about normalcy anyway?
RPC-304-2: So people won’t go insane after learning about all the wacky shit that exists dumbass. What else?
RPC-304-1: I know that! I mean why do they care so much about it that they even extend that logic to low level objects like alpha-white? For example I don’t think a talking Skee-Ball machine would drive anyone insane. Or at the least anything considered a “lesser anomaly” wouldn’t.
RPC-304-2: Now that you put it that way I don’t actually know. Maybe it’s some sort of slippery slope?
RPC-304-1: That is a possibility. But more importantly if they care so much about normalcy why is there so many publicly known unexplainable things in their world then?
RPC-304-2: It could be because those things are close enough to reality that they’re not considered anomalous?
RPC-304-1: I don’t know if that makes much sense honestly. Maybe they do it on purpose to divert suspension?
RPC-304-3: Ma-maybe it’s be-because they just ma-make mistakes?
RPC-304-1: Oh shut the fuck up Bob! That’s dumb as hell! How would the Authority fuck up that bad?!
RPC-304-2: I mean it makes sense they’re not gods. They’re only human after all…
RPC-304-1: Tch, I guess.
<End Log>
