The Great Pestilence




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Enter Containers


Poor Gents Infected with RPC-1340-J.

Item #: RPC-1340-J

Object Class: Gamma

Containment Protocols: Anon, thither is tush to contain RPC-1340-J, as, like fire, it doth spread apace. 'Tis desired that an infected fellow nev'r leaveth his abode, and have their buboes drain'd by a leech. 'Tis the most we can do at this hour.

Exeunt Containers

Enter Scribes

Description: Since brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outer flourishes, I will be brief: RPC-1340-J is the Plague. Plague I call it; for, if 't be true thou art not infected, then thou fear'th infection. 'Tis a horrible pestilence; very much so. 't beginneth at which hour a man but touch a rat, and then - a short tale to make - he falleth into fatigue, then into malaise, thence to an ache, thence into a weakness, thence to a fever, and, by this declension, into the bubonic ailment wherein he wil't expire, and all we shalt mourn for. In the hour at which I write, RPC-1340-J hath taken twenty-million with't to the grave.

Addendum: Entreatments with RPC-1340-J Victims

Interviewed: Horatio

Interviewer: Dr. Bernardo

Foreword: Horatio hath suffered from RPC-1340-J for a fortnight. 'Tis his last entreatment with his local leech ere his death.

<Begin Act I. Scene II. Horatio's Room.>

Horatio lies in bed.

Enter Bernardo.

Stand Horatio.

BERNARDO: G'day, Horatio. Has't thou shown any improvement since yesterday?

HORATIO: Nae; 'tis only worsened. All thy treatments were tush.

BERNARDO: Verily? Nae, I do'st not believeth that…What of the bloodletting?

HORATIO: Did'st thou not hear? 'Twas tush. Thou'rt a tomfoolish knave masquerading as a leech, and leeching nothing but mine own wage.

BERNARDO: 'Tis awfully rude, what thou hath said! Is this thy treatment of he who treats? Thou wil't have no more of my service!

Exeunt Bernardo.

HORATIO: I desire thee to get infected, thou treacherous leech!

Then fall Horatio.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Not a day after did Horatio die. Since, ere he died, wrote he a most unfavorable review of Bernardo on Ye Olde YelpTM, Bernardo's status as a leech for the Authority was't tooketh.

Exeunt Scribes

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