A Cerealiously Bad Problem





Special █

Asset #: A-070-J

Object Class: Gamma

Containment Protocols: A-70-J is to be contained under the guise of a healthy eating camp for those afflicted with anorexia. A-70-J is to be staffed with no less than 50 "enforcers" to help the "camp residents" eat their special diet of A-70-J-1 with various food items mixed it.

A-70-J requires it's campgrounds to be filled with 200 "camp residents" to be residing there at any given time in order to prevent a containment breach. If the number ever falls below this number, enforcers must eat A-70-J-1 until the Authority can find more "camp residents" to participate in the consummation of A-70-J-1. For this purpose, recruiting from our own employees under the guise of "reallocated to human resources".

The box, being an XK class world end scenario, must be patrolled by a standing guard of twenty. Designated "Cereal Crusaders" are to be rotated out of their shifts every 8 hours to avoid exhaustion and "get away from that tasteless shit".

Description: A-70-J is a cereal box that forcefully ejects cereal at a constant rate of .55 bowls per minute (bpm). The Authority has tried to monopolize this in creating their own brand of cereal, Special A. Unfortunately, A-70-J-1 is primarily made of grains of lightly toasted rice, wheat, and barley, and sold as badly as its namesake, Special █.


Cereal "Camp" Circa 196█

The box, reads as follows, to "Part of a nutritious breakfast breakfastbreakfastbreakfastbreakfast" to ad infinitum. The box was discovered on site, after reports of a "avalanche of Special █" was reported to The Authority by an anonymous source. Agents later found an entire campsite drowned in the Special █, and established site "Cereal" there.

Notes: It isn't ethical, but I'm not going to drown in Special █ in my lifetime. If we have to hire a fleet of anorexics so be it, they need the food. It's for weight loss anyway. Anorexics are fat right? How bad could eating hundreds of pounds of wheat and rice be for you over a few months.

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