tagshow
 #1 Article |
 #1 Joke Article |
 Top Ten Article |
 Active Contributor |
 Contest Winner |
 Contest Runner-Up |
 Challenge Winner |
 Art Contest Winner |
|
|
|
|
   |
 |
Authority Artist Reconstruction of RPC-067
Registered Phenomena Code: 067
Object Class: Beta-Orange
Hazard Types: Sapient Hazard, Aggression Hazard
Containment Protocols: MST Whiskey-07-03 (“Space Force”, Faust squadron) will be assigned to monitor employees at large corporations for manifestations of RPC-067. Through the assistance of host countries, MST “Faust” will screen employees who have been exhibiting signs of extreme overwork and willingness to complete tasks they are not assigned as part of their job description. Any persons exhibiting these signs will hereafter be classified as RPC-067-1. Persons manifesting as RPC-067-1 are to be immediately apprehended by Authority agents using cover as localhost intelligence services in order to avoid the suspicion of friends and family. Those manifesting as RPC-067-1 are to undergo procedure 38-5 “Scrivener” utilizing all necessary interrogation and psychological techniques, including ████████ and ███████, with the approval of onsite Level-3 Authority psychologists. Once RPC-067-1 has declined the request of RPC-067, RPC-067-1 should be monitored for 48 hours until de-manifestation of RPC-067 can be confirmed. RPC-067-1 is then to be administered Class A-3 amnestics. Any instances of RPC-067-1 that have progressed past two weeks should be terminated by local MST “Faust” elements as soon as discovered in order to immediately halt any further manifestation of RPC-067.
Description: RPC-067 is a nondescript middle-aged man that will materialize and contact employees at large corporations. RPC-067 has no known home or nationality and any efforts to trace RPC-067’s phone calls or emails have been met with return addresses of already existing non-anomalous entities. RPC-067 is often described by RPC-067-1 instances as being very friendly and understanding, although it is currently unknown if these are genuine properties of RPC-067, or if they are a memetic manifestation as part of its anomalous effects. RPC-067 has, to date, never materialized in a situation in which RPC-067 can be viewed by anyone other than RPC-067-1; and will find alternate means of contacting RPC-067-1.
RPC-067 will typically make contact with employees via phone, but on occasion has been noted to utilize email in order to make the first contact. RPC-067 will ask employees for simple favors such as forwarding a report to their supervisor. If the employee refuses RPC-067 will de-materialize and not contact the employee again. However, if the employee complies with RPC-067, they will begin an escalating series of contacts with RPC-067 and hereafter be referred to as RPC-067-1. RPC-067 will attempt to meet with RPC-067-1 in person following the first successful request and will attempt to build a relationship with RPC-067-1. RPC-067 will gradually ask RPC-067-1 to perform duties and deeds outside of normally accepted ethical standards, such as doctoring financial statements and spreading rumors about RPC-067-1's boss. Once RPC-067-1 has begun to comply they will typically not desist in their activities stating that, "████████ ████" is a nice guy and I want to help him out." Once RPC-067-1 has fallen into the control of RPC-067, RPC-067 will soon request that RPC-067-1 commit acts of violence. When RPC-067-1 is in danger of being discovered committing these acts, RPC-067 will instruct instances of RPC-067-1 to take their own lives (Please see Interrogation Logs for further information). An instance of RPC-067-1 is theorized by The Authority to have caused the death of a politician ███ ████ and subsequent mass suicide of ███ individuals in █████████, ██████ in the year 19██.
Once RPC-067-1 has maintained contact with RPC-067 past a two-week period, RPC-067 will no longer de-materialize upon the refusal of requests. RPC-067 will instead begin to regularly contact and harass RPC-067-1 about deadlines for requests during work hours and severely interrupt their regular duties via phone calls and emails. Recovered emails on the computer of an afflicted individual revealed ████ emails asking if RPC-067-1 could [DATA EXPUNGED] their current supervisor. If RPC-067-1 continues to refuse or ignore requests for a period of two more weeks, RPC-067 will initiate stalking of RPC-067-1. RPC-067 will materialize in person and disrupt the eating and sleeping schedules of RPC-067-1 until compliance with demands, or RPC-067-1 expires from exhaustion or hunger (Open Journal Entry 067-1-1 For More Information).
Foreword: Journal Entry 067-1-1 Recovered from the home of a man who had expired due to dehydration after employers reported it had not reported for a period of two weeks and had become worried about its disappearance.
<Journal Beginning>
May 17, 20██: I can’t remember a word of French I used to know any more, I just keep trying to learn it again, but I never have time anymore. It's sad, I used to love spending summers in Paris. I guess we all have to grow up eventually, though. At least ████████ ████ seems like a nice guy, there aren’t enough of them around here.
May 23, 20██: I know he’s a nice guy and everything, but it seems a bit odd he’d ask me to go into the HR room and get ████ ██████’s files for him. I mean, I guess he needs it for something, though.
May 31, 20██: That’s my last favor for him, I know business around here has been tough lately, but I can’t just go and change our shipment orders. If someone finds out about this, fuck. I mean, fuck, I can’t do this anymore.
June 10, 20██: HR doesn’t even have a fucking record on this person. I kept telling them about the calls I’ve been getting. I even showed them the fucking emails; they just told me to mark it as spam. I mean, what HR fucking department doesn’t take a complaint like that seriously anyway? How the fuck did he even know my mother has cancer?
Unknown Date: I tried asking what the fuck he wants from me, and he just tells me the same thing over and over again. I can’t fucking kill ████ ██████. I tried calling the police, but everytime they come, he just vanishes into thin fucking air. They think I’m fucking crazy. I think I’m crazy, if I’m the only person that sees him, I’m fucking crazy right?
Unknown Date: fuck you
<Journal Finished>
Foreword: RPC-067-1-18 was apprehended from a hedge fund in █████████,███████████, after it was discovered by its risk compliance department that it had placed irresponsible options trades, potentially losing its fund more than ██ million dollars.
Agent ███ █████: You’ve been a trader for the past █ years, why is it that you placed those trades?
RPC-067-1-18: Well I got a call from ████████, he told me he needed to see me real fast. Sometimes we get tips, you know? So I just went and executed it. When stuff like that happens you just do your job. If you could not tell the SEC about this though, I’m kind of risking my job just talking to you.
Agent ███ █████: Of course, and was that your first contact with ████████?
RPC-067-1-18: I think he first sent me some email about a week ago asking if I could forward the earnings projections for ███████ to █████ ███ my portfolio manager. It didn’t really seem out of place, we’re a big fund and all.
Agent ███ █████: So what happened after that?
RPC-067-1-18: Well he contacted me two more times, one I already told you about. The other time it was just to see if I could grab some internal records off █████ ███’s desk and then copy them for him.
Agent ███ █████: You never saw him again after this?
RPC-067-1-18: Actually, funny enough, I did. I got this loud knock at my office door around 11 at night. I was busy looking at some data from the Asia markets, so I just yelled out for whoever it was to fuck off. So I just kind of turn around and see him walking away through the window. I went out to apologize, but he was gone at that point.
Agent ███ █████: That’s all for now, thank you for your time.
RPC-067-1-18: You don’t think I made him mad, do you? It’s so hard to find a nice guy to work for nowadays.
Closing Statement: Following Interrogation, RPC-067-1-18 was given Class A-3 Amnestics under protocol “Scrivener” and returned to its workplace.
Notes: Maybe RPC-067 is just really sensitive.
Foreword: RPC-067-1-23 was apprehended from tech company ██████ after management alerted undercover Authority agents of a man who had been in contact with an outside person and had begun to make unauthorized alterations of code in order to redirect site traffic towards extremist websites.
Agent ███ █████: I want to know who the person was that was directing you to change the code for ██████'s website?
RPC-067-1-23: Oh you mean ████████? Well, I guess I didn’t really think about it too much now that you ask. I assumed he was just some guy from the design division or something.
Agent ███ █████: When was the last time you were in contact with ████████?
RPC-067-1-23: Well, it was right before you guys picked me up, so a few days ago.
Agent ███ █████: You didn’t think it was odd that he had asked you to redirect traffic to ████████?
RPC-067-1-23: Well I mean, maybe, sure, but he was a nice guy, I figured it was probably just some sort of promotional stunt. Look, am I in trouble here or something?
Agent ███ █████: We’re interested in who this guy is, it’s all we want to know.
RPC-067-1-23: I told you, I thought he was just some guy in management, okay?
Agent ███ █████: You’re telling me you’ve talked to this guy multiple times and you have no idea who he is?
RPC-067-1-23: Look, I need to smoke. You think I can go outside for a quick second? It might help me remember.
Agent ███ █████: Yeah, no problem.
Closing Statement: At this point Agent ███ █████ escorted RPC-067-1-23 outside so it could smoke a cigarette. On the way, RPC-067-1-23 asked if it could also quickly use the bathroom since it had been inside for so long. When RPC-067-1-23 did not return from the bathroom for a period of ten minutes Agent ███ █████ entered the bathroom discovering RPC-067-1-23 having broken the mirror and [REDACTED], expiring before being able to be rendered proper medical care. Agent ███ █████ was subsequently reprimanded and transferred for failure to maintain proper custody of RPC-067-1-23. RPC-067-1-23 was later found to have a note in it pocket, ostensibly from RPC-067, telling it to meet it in the bathroom in half an hour. Upon playback of the interrogation tape, no instances of RPC-067 can be observed delivering the note to RPC-067-1-23.
Notes: If it can get into our facility and get a note in someone's pocket, I will be formally requesting this be updated to Restricted Level-4 Access and be reclassified from Beta to Gamma.
