How to catch an Info-Demon with Chris Hansen S3 E10




It's a Tuesday morning in Tokyo, Japan. The sky is clear and blue, cherry blossoms are seen everywhere, and our suspect has just arrived at the destination…

Tonight's wrongdoer is none else than a Memotic Feeder. This guy traveled more than 9,000 Kilometers from the USA to our safe house in Tokyo just to meet up with a 60-year-old Japanese woman with Alzheimer's. You heard it right, Alzheimer's. What he doesn't know is that we have placed more than 100 artificial Memotic Grounds throughout the whole property. And his dinner date is going to be recorded on the Black Site database.

We have been following Carl, our Memotic Feeder, on social media without his knowledge for the past 2 weeks. On Carl's ██████ hub, he refers to himself as a "Neurologist" which may possibly be a tactic to lure the mentally ill into his grasp. Carl says he graduated from ████ University with a degree in "Memory loss research."

We have been working with MST Sierra-8 ("Sundowners") and the Investigation Department of Nucorp, who pretend to be mentally ill people online to lure in Memotic Feeders. This operation concluded a success with our first successful match with Carl.

[The following is a private message transcript between our undercover Sundowner agents (under the disguise of Hinata, an elderly woman) and Carl]

Carl: do u have Alzheimer's??

Hinata: It's kinda embarrassing, but yes…

Carl: I wanna examine u

Carl: Have u lost important memories? [Carl posts the money_mouth emoji]

Hinata: Thankfully no, everything important is still intact ^ v ^

[After this point, Carl begins asking questions no neurologist should…]

Carl: do u exercise ur cerebral cortex??

Hinata: I'm old but I still try to keep my memories in check when I can :)

Carl: pls send cortex pics

Hinata: Mister… That is not something to ask an old lady… [Undercover agent posts blushed emoji]

Carl starts to suspect that Hinata might be an undercover Authority agent.

Carl: U know, some bad peps wanna take me back to the infopla- to Mexico, yes, Mexico.

Carl: if ur real pls take a pic of ur forehead with the frontal cortex highlighted with red marker.

[The aforementioned request is created using deep-learning Nucorp technology and then sent.]

Carl: That's a nice forehead.

Hinata: Thank you…

Carl I wanna suck on it.

[Our suspect knows what he's doing is highly illegal, and yet, keeps going.]

Carl: Ur not afraid I might be an extradimensional being trying to consume ur memories right?

Hinata: No mister, I would never doubt you…

Carl: I'm a neurologist, u know I could fix ur brain, but I would have to go to our house.

Hinata: Oh, thank you so much, could you come tomorrow?

Carl: k, but there must be no one on the house or cameras, I won't work if I'm being watched.

Hinata: Yes yes, of course, I'll be waiting for you :)

[What Carl doesn't know is that there will be no privacy at this "meeting."]

This safehouse was built by the greatest minds in Nucorp Industries, as soon as the Memotic Feeder takes the bait, he won't stand a chance

The hour is 2100 and Carl just arrived at the destination. Our cameras spotted him wearing a full-body doctor costume, as his true self is nothing but an intangible informational apparition.

[Our undercover agent, Jessica Millers, still under the disguise of Hinata, opens the door.]

Hinata: Welcome, welcome, how are you, Mister Carl? it must have been such a long journey from the US.

Carl: [The Memotic Feeder seems unable to articulate speech, and instead, manipulates airwaves around him to groan in a greeting manner, showing signs of fake tiredness.]

Hinata: Ah yes. You must be so very tired. Please come in, make yourself at home.

Carl: [Comes in and unpacks his "medical equipment" onto the living room table.]

Hinata: Oh my, what is all of this?

Carl: [Displays a long metal rod, restraining belts, a mallet, and a spoon, all while groaning in a way that indicates that such tools are necessary to prevent accidents during the inspection.]

Hinata: Of course, you are the expert! I'm gonna go make some tea in the meantime.

Carl: [Groans in approval while looking around the house.]

[What he didn't know is that our best agent has already been deployed to the safe house. It's game-over.]

[As Jessica leaves the room, our agent enters the scene.]

Chris Hansen: So, what are you doing here?

Carl: [Groans in confusion and in such a way that alludes to him asking the same question.]

Chris Hansen: Oh I know what I'm doing here, and I know that you are here with one of our undercover agents, disguised as an Alzheimer's patient.

Carl: [Chaotic air vibrations seem to imply Carl is hyperventilating and groaning in confusion.]

Chris Hansen: My name is Cap. Chris Hansen from the Authority's Black Site Department, and you are being broadcast live on the new Black Site show "How to catch an Info-Demon with Chris Hansen." Why don't you take a seat?

Carl: [Groans in denial.]

Chris Hansen: Yes, I am Chris Hansen, and yes, this is "How to catch an Info-Demon with Chris Hansen."

Carl: [Groans in denial once again. This time he appears scared.]

Chris Hansen: Yes Carl, you are being sent back into the info-plane. What you have tried to do here goes against every law established by the UNAAC, and those "Medical Tools"? I think you were up to no good Carl.

Carl: [Gets up and tries to phase through the door, but groans in shock after being incapable of doing so.]

Chris Hansen: I'm sorry Carl, but this place is filled with hundreds of artificial Memotic Grounds, You aren't going anywhere.

[Cap. Hansen proceeds to approach the entity and ██████ it with a series of memetically hazardous imagery.]

Carl: [As he is slowly converted back into Memotic Scalars, Carl groans in a way such that it implies insufferable pain and anguish.]

Chris Hansen: Hansen looks towards the camera Another day, another filth cleansed from our dimension. Remember kids, if you ever meet an entity trying to access your frontal cortex, report it to your local Authority Site. We'll be there in no time. Don't forget to tune in next week on FalsTV for more exciting content. Until next time!

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