RPC-316, circa late 1700s.
Registered Phenomena Code: 316
Object Class: Gamma-Yellow
Hazard Types: Auditory, Emotional, Memory Alteration, Sapient, Visual
Containment Protocol: RPC-316 is to be denied entry to all Authority facilities wherever possible, unless entry is to facilitate capture and containment. RPC-316 is not to be engaged or communicated with at all. Any and all requests made by RPC-316 are to be ignored and denied.
Efforts should be made to track down and detain RPC-316. Any personnel who displays resistance to RPC-316's effects are advised to join along in RPC-316's visits regardless and produce recordings of its interactions with affected personnel.
Description: RPC-316 is a humanoid entity bearing vaguely simian morphological proportions. RPC-316 features dwarfism with a height of 0.8m, disproportionately long arms measuring 0.6m in length, and an extended cranium that protrudes behind its head by 30cm. RPC-316 also shows signs of advanced aging, such as extensive wrinkling and a slight hunch.
RPC-316's primary anomalous trait is that all humans who visually/audibly perceive it directly are memetically compelled to recognize it as a superior. This allows it to effortlessly enter any human territory, with all human staff and residents perceiving it as a VIP of critical importance to their respective organization/community.
RPC-316 has taken a fondness for visiting Authority facilities across Japan, where it compels all personnel to perceive it as a vital figurehead of the Authority. Imaginary titles accorded to it by affected personnel range from the simple (Our Grand Director) to the outlandish (Grand Director of all Global Directors) to the comical (His One-And-Only Researching Protecting and Containing Eminence) and the questionable (Sole True Founder of the RPC Authority).
When visiting an RPC facility, RPC-316 will bask in praise showered upon it by attending personnel, then proceed to the VIP lounge to consume stocked foods while entertaining its hosts. RPC-316 will discuss plans to travel abroad and visit overseas Authority facilities, produce requests for additional specific luxury foods and drinks, and/or commission the ordering and creation of expensive items such as personalized transportation (this includes a limousine, jet and yacht) that Site Administration is compelled to order and purchase, either via site funding or by passing a requisition form to higher administration for clearance.
Once RPC-316 has eaten its fill it wanders the site to inspect and observe various occurrences of routine daily tasks as performed by personnel. Once it is sufficiently entertained RPC-316 leaves. It usually does so without notifying staff, who are nevertheless required by protocol to organize search parties to search for it that universally end in failure.
Once RPC-316 has left, personnel usually report a confused sensation, with several recalling having met an incredibly important VIP whose appearance that they cannot remember.
RPC-316 possesses a jovial personality and is primarily driven by a desire for entertainment. It shows no other remarkable traits and is not unlike an active elderly male in behaviour. It has a tendency for lacking tact and occasionally produces offensive dialogue and behaviour, but enthralled personnel will either not notice, or will readily dismiss/forgive these offensive remarks/gestures.
Foreword: On ██/1█/2020, an unaccompanied RPC-316 enters Site-052. It proceeds to interrupt a meeting of international security affairs chaired by Site Security Chief and Japanese Authority branch delegate Oda Saikaku.
Oda: Hello, what is this interrup-oh! Forgive us, Grand Director! We were not informed of your sudden visit.
RPC-316: Wow oh wow, look at these huma - unusual people!
Oda: Yes! We are staffing a meeting of intermediate priority, regarding [AFFAIRS REDACTED] across several sites within [LOCATIONS REDACTED].
[ RPC-316 approaches German delegate Heinrich Gruppnel and stares intently at his ID tag. ]
RPC-316: Hmm! You are German? From Germany? <Oda repeats in English, acting as a stand-in translator.>
Gruppnel: <Nods> Ja.
[ RPC-316 thrusts its right arm in the air with an open palm, causing conversation in the room to immediately halt. RPC-316 repeatedly retracts and extends its right arm towards Gruppnel as all delegates silently stare at it. ]
RPC-316: [INFLAMMATORY STATEMENT]!
[ Gruppnel is clearly shaken, then laughs. ]
Gruppnel: <Calms down and addresses Oda> Tell Unser Anführer that is no longer the way we greet in Germany.
[ RPC-316 next whispers in Oda's ear while pointing towards African delegate Nala Mkebe, causing Oda to readjust his collar nervously. ]
Oda: Grand Director! Surely you cannot be serious! <RPC-316's whispering becomes harsher in tone> If-if you say so.
Oda: <Clearly panicking, addressing Mkebe while adjusting collar> He… his Grand Directorship asks where your… nose ring is… and… he asked… did you leave it in your jungle… hut?
Mkebe: <Shocked, angry> What kind of nonsense are you saying?! <Observes RPC-316 stretching its nostrils wide while making exaggerated facial expressions, tone shifts to jovial> Oooooh! So you were not lying! Ha ha ha! <Considerably relaxes, slapping Oda's back repeatedly> Forgive me forgive me I am so sorry. No! Tell him I do not wear or own such things, and I come from a nice house in the city of Nairobi.
[ Oda repeats this to RPC-316 who harrumphs loudly, then approaches the openly nervous Indian delegate Japinder Singh Kaur. ]
RPC-316: <Points towards Singh> India!
Singh: <Smiles and nods enthusiastically> Yes! That is correct!
RPC-316: Do you still worship cows down there? <Oda repeats RPC-316's query.>
Singh: E-excuse me? No! <Pats Dastār> I'm a Sikh! But uh, yes, the Hindus do. <Oda translates Singh's reply to RPC-316.>
RPC-316: What's the difference?! Do you have any curry on you right now? Japanese curry is simply nothing like it, or so I've been told! <Oda uncomfortably paraphrases RPC-316's query, omitting the first sentence.>
Singh: I… do not? <Oda repeats Singh's answer to RPC-316, who dismissively waves a hand and prepares to approach Swedish delegate Lisette Backström.>
Site Director Fuyutsumi: <Hurries in, worried tone> Grand Director! I wish to inform you that the '1926 Macallan Fine and Rare' whiskey that you have requested has finally arrived at the site through no expense of the site's collective paychecks! Please hurry on and let us enjoy it, before it grows too warm.
RPC-316: Oh? Excellent! Very well then, I shall play with these people some other time. Toodles!
Fuyutsumi: Yes! We must make haste! <Rushes RPC-316 out of the door. Delegates remain stationary for a moment before coming back to their senses.>
Mkebe: <Confused tone> Why are we just standing here like this? Did something just happen?
<End Log>
Discovery Log: RPC-316 initially appeared at Site-███ during ██/██/2019, causing personnel to regard it in the highest manner. Ever since then, RPC-316 has made several journeys across Japan on its own, visiting each Authority site.
It is believed that RPC-316 originated from RPC-[REDACTED].
This article meets our expectations and we are satisfied. We trust the relevant personnel can maintain this article to international database standards.
Japanese personnel are reminded to adhere to a professional and impartial tone for future files and documentation.
Case closed, monitor as necessary. We have far more pressing matters to attend to.
Research, Protect, Contain,
GD-██
