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Pretty simple and clean, this one

Re: RPC-XXX: The Whistle by SuperspambotSuperspambot, 05 Dec 2020 05:52

I am not ex-law enforcement or ex-military

Rephrase this to say I am neither currently, nor formerly, associated with any police division or military branch

hunting(specifically

Space between hunting and the parentheses. This mistake is made several times, so I assume you've done it intentionally

That aside.

This would work better as an elipse "…"

bullet as seen in this video:

Combine the link in to the above text like this

([)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HElQk2wEY5w this video]

Just remove the parentheses and you're good

This guide was good, I definitely learned something while reading it, and I am fairly certain other readers will find it useful as well. I am however, a little afflicted on the actual information as it pertains to writers. There isn't much in the way of actually giving strictly writing advice, but I feel like it's open enough that writers can interpret what they want when it comes to the actual writing.

I think for now, leave it alone unless other writers say something. Otherwise, 4/5

KookinKookin 05 Dec 2020 03:54
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-404-J

what's this about 866? Ive only been on the site for very little, and it always seemed 866 is among the utmost popular on the site yet stuff like 666 and 003 have dozens more votes. A rewrite I assume?

by KookinKookin, 05 Dec 2020 03:54

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/donnyfox-3

I apologize for the spam and how much I've been putting out today. With this one, I'm curious how I can improve upon this given it's my first RPC article.

RPC-XXX: The Whistle by DonnyFoxDonnyFox, 04 Dec 2020 21:01
FortunaeFortunae 04 Dec 2020 17:15
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RCP-4139

Glob

by FortunaeFortunae, 04 Dec 2020 17:15

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/donnyfox-2

Expect a few more drafts from me, as usual I'm looking for feedback. I'm also looking to slow my pacing down for this. What else could I improve? I was looking to write a slice of life work, which is why pretty much nothing interesting happens.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/donnyfox

Hi guys,

Because I'm recovering from wisdom teeth surgery, I'm going to spend the next few days writing a bunch of articles for RPC. This is one of them, and what I was looking to do was make a guide for how firearms work. What I want to know is, "What can I add to this article to make it better?" and "What else do you want to see out of this article?"

I'm really looking forward to seeing how you guys can help me improve this.

Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster 04 Dec 2020 15:18
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » baubius

Fucked up

by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 04 Dec 2020 15:18
Re: RPC-XXX - Starving Skeleton by TTPYTTPY, 04 Dec 2020 11:00

I forgot to clarify this, but the world that RPC-XXX came from isn't really a utopia, but more so an artificial one that is very fragile, but thanks for the criticism.

Re: The Revolutionary Calculator by TTPYTTPY, 04 Dec 2020 05:58
JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha 04 Dec 2020 01:29
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » baubius

See you, space cowboy…


oh yeah yeah

by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 04 Dec 2020 01:29

I'll admit, the ending was tacked on to explain the following:

Bibliography
: "Any personnel that stays within the vault for any longer than 30 minutes or that experience a breach in the suit's integrity will be monitored until they succumb to the increased difficulties of maintaining basic bodily functions." : full source reference

That line made it sound like the virus had a 100% mortality rate which contradicts other parts of the article. But I liked the line a lot so I didn't want to change it. A bit backward, but now that you've pointed it out I realize that I should focus more on those infected with the virus and simplify the drama with Dr. Wick.

I'm glad you liked the concept and I'll certainly get to writing some interviews between researchers and those infected. I intended for my first RPC article to be short and simple before I went and made something as ambitious as your article. Now I don't really see a reason why I shouldn't elaborate further.

Given that this is supposed to be a scientific article, you have correctly pointed out that there is a lack of science. I honestly never even thought of this and I am very glad it has been brought to my attention.

You've provided invaluable critique! Thank you very much!

There are several odd ways you phrased the article.

"A containment wall was constructed around RPC-XXX, the wall is 8 meters tall, and is constructed of a concrete fence that is fitted with barbed wire and security camera systems."
It's weird to say that containment measures were put in place rather than they are currently standing. So I think something like "An 8-meter tall containment wall surrounds RPC-XXX. This wall is outfitted with barbed wire and equipped with security cameras" would be nicer.

"When a subject enters RPC-XXX, this triggers an auditory effect on the subject." I think would sound much better as "Subjects entering RPC-XXX, will experience auditory hallucinations."

The ringing sound in a subject's ear feels tacked on. What is the point of it? What if RPC-XXX is using these auditory hallucinations to try in vain to warn the victim about RPC-XXX-1? Instead of ringing, they hear voices warning never to leave the field. Because once you leave, you're a target. Of course, nobody would listen.

"RPC-XXX-1 is a 4.572 meter adult human skeleton that shows forms of sapience, but shows no ability to communicate." The ultra specific number here seems overboard to me. And using 'show' twice so soon makes it read weird. I think "RPC-XXX-1 is an adult human skeleton standing 4.6 meters tall. The entity shows forms of sapience, but has yet to reveal any ability to communicate."

"When RPC-XXX-1 gets close to the area where the subject is located, it will attempt to grab the subject in any way it can, even destroying the area where the subject is located." This creature isn't super interesting to me personally as there isn't much depth to it. It can't be beaten, it can level "the area where the subject is located," and can move insanely fast. These elements alone don't make the creature interesting. "RPC-X-1 possesses incredible resistance to weaponry and physical impacts, and is able to reflect light making it invisible to the naked eye.1" Its boring.

Personally, I think your idea needs a little bit of work. There is no reason for RPC-XXX-1 to not be the main RPC here. You need to make the original RPC more relevant to the article compared to the skeleton. My suggestion is that RPC-XXX serves to warn people about RPC-XXX-1. The skeleton should be nerfed, it should be interesting if you removed the fact that it is an unstoppable killing machine. Give it an interesting weakness. What if the reason why it's invisible is that it's incredibly fragile? So it needs this advantage to survive. And because it is incredibly fragile, what if there were multiple?

Those are my thoughts and critiques. I'm looking forward to seeing what you make of your idea!

My opinions here are the same as SovereignAuthority's, so I'll keep this brief. The article is a little too short, maybe add some more experiment logs, maybe an interview with someone who has the disease, anything just to spice it up a lil' bit. Maybe add a "Discovery" section, where you describe how the Authority first found the disease.

Very nice so far, 3/10.

This was a pretty great article! I very much enjoyed the ending and believe this was a unique spin on a real-world event. All I have to offer are a few minor nitpicks:

5th from the bottom on the addendum 3 page "but I'lll guess it wasn't an easy decision to make" and also "They knew…David was not anomalous."

Overall, the concept you have here is pretty cool, but I think the draft right now is actually too short. You could put a lot more content into this article that could really make this unnerving. Perhaps some logs of people who get infected and how they feel about what's happening to them. I think this could work well as an example for the guy who can't sleep - maybe he just accepts his death because he wants to go to bed so badly. Adding more examples of body systems that shut down that people now have to manage would also be interesting.

The only part that didn't work for me was the ending. I don't think I understood what exactly happened - it looked to me like that researcher just went rogue and started testing a bunch of personnel even though tests were suspended. If you want to build on what is going on there, you can, but I think it might detract from the more interesting part of the story - which is people's reactions to the virus. My suggestion for the ending would be to have the discovery of the more lethal infection route still be an accident but without the background drama. Maybe a researcher goes into the vault at one point and gets infected this way, or a security guard transporting the prisoners.

Another issue with this draft is that the virus itself is not really explained in detail - like what kind of virus is this and how exactly does it work. In SCP-008, it's explained as a prion and we get some technical details about it, and RPC-705 goes into a lot of detail step-by-step how the virus works. Some more information and scientific facts like that will really build this into a solid article. Good luck!

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