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thank you so much!

Re: Illusion of Life by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 07 Jul 2022 05:40

VERY good catch- I said who 2-2883 was in an earlier draft but when I removed that section I forgot to put who he was elsewhere lol. Tyyyy

Re: Illusion of Life by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 07 Jul 2022 05:32

Crit Time

RPC-371-A and RPC-371-B are to be kept in site 002, when not being tested a flag should but put in the barrel of RPC-371-A and all of RPC-371-B are to be removed and stored separately.

Change to:

RPC-371-A and RPC-371-B are to be kept in Site-002, when not being tested a flag should be placed in the barrel of RPC-371-A and all of RPC-371-B are to be removed and stored separately.

In the case of testing RPC-371-A and B are allowed to be together but under the watch of two security personnel at least.

Change to:

In the case of testing, RPC-371-A and -B are allowed to be together under the watch of at least two security personnel.

When testing is over A and B are to be separated again for storage

Change to:

When testing is over, - A and -B are to be separated and returned to storage.

RPC-371 is a glock-19 [RPC-371-1] and Ten 100 round boxes [RPC-371-2].

Change to:

RPC-371 is a glock-19 [RPC-371-1] and 10 one-hundred round boxes [RPC-371-2].

RPC-371 does not manifest its anomalous powers until a bullets from RPC-371-2 are loaded into RPC-371-1.

Change to:

RPC-371 does not manifest its anomalous properties until a full magazine of RPC-371-2 is loaded into RPC-371-1.

Then the effect will manifest, the gunmen appear to cause anti-memetic or memory loss of the gunman in the minds of onlookers, removing any trace of their existence for the moment that the gun is involved.

Change to:

The anomalous properties allow for the creation of an anti-memetic field around the user, which makes subjects observing the user to not register its presence. [Go onto the what happens in the brains of those observing. Talk about, in scientific detail, how the brain just seems to skip the gunman. This should be about 5 to 6 more paragraphs.]

On 06/21/1999 the RPC Authority were notified by an agent imbedded in the NYPD major crimes division that the department had recently come into contact with a gun with anomalies effects used in murder. After mutable requests from the RPC Authority the NYPD on 07/13/1999 turned over RPC-371 and it was sent to site-002 for testing and containment.

Author Note: Expand upon this. How was the gun recovered. Who used it last. What cases was the gun involved in. Etc. Be creative.

critic note: This draft needs more work. A lot more work. There is potential here. Also, post this on the sandbox. If you need more help or Crit don’t be afraid to ask me again or anyone else. I go by Charlie_West on discord.

Crit Time

Agent [REDACTED] (Name expunged by personal request) entered the ward and quickly neutralized the instance ███ ██████ ████ ████, ███ ██████ █████ ████ ███ ██████ ██████ coat hanger.

Crit Note: I don’t understand why you have to redact this. I think it could work better if you gave a bit more detail on the neutralization.

Agent [REDACTED] received the Protection Distinguished Service Star…

Change to:

Agent [REDACTED] received the Protection Division’s Distinguished Star of Service…

“You forgot your contacts but remembered your glasses?”

Change to:

“You forgot your contacts, but remembered your glasses?”

“It’s not the medicine, sir, I-“ “None of that should concern you as of now, Mrs. Reese. You won’t have to stay here for very long.” “But my baby.”

Recommended Change:

“It’s not the medicine, sir, I-” said the woman, but was quickly interrupted. “None of that should concern you as of now, Mrs. Reese. You won’t have to stay here for very long.” Mrs. Reese replies, “But my baby?”

Author’s Comment: I love how casual the beginning is with the convo between the two doctors. The way the story ends is just lovely. 5/5.

Re: Illusion of Life by DrXOUBLE DDrXOUBLE D, 07 Jul 2022 05:06

There was talk about an end of the world scenario listing when we first got started, but no one ever did anything with it. In a single canon, having world-ending situations be commonplace wouldn't make sense, and would cheapen their impact.

Re: About the scenrios by Von PincierVon Pincier, 07 Jul 2022 02:39

World End Scenario, like SCP? Do ever RPC encounter with a scenario?

What are scenarios?

Re: About the scenrios by VizloxVizlox, 06 Jul 2022 17:18

Do we have a collection of scenarios?

Author: DrPiersonDrPierson

Media Sources: Map of Japan and Korea (1945), Wikimedia Commons.

— Dr. Pierson


Notice from Author: MST Delta-1 was in the works for four years. I'm not even joking, I've been conceptualizing this since late 2018 and haven't been able to get an official, dedicated MST registry page until 2020. It was stuck for another two years and then officially published in 2022.



"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"

by DrPiersonDrPierson, 06 Jul 2022 09:20

First off, I would recommend more variety in the openings. Starting out every paragraph with the subject gets grating very quickly. The most obvious example of this is the fact that the first 3 paragraphs start off with the same exact words, verbatim: "The F/I-2 Gagarin is". Exercise more variety in your sentence construction. Avoid repeating yourself.

This crit will deal mainly with that particular issue: sentence construction. To that end, I will provide examples in which your prose could be improved. On the subject matter itself, I unfortunately cannot make much comment - I am not the world's most avid science fiction reader, and as such am entirely unacquainted with the proper application of pseudoscientific jargon. It is my hope, nonetheless, that my insights may be of some use.

"Interceptor Mode allows greater speed, maneuverability, although handicapped by its shorter range."
change to
"Interceptor Mode allows greater speed and maneuverability, although it is handicapped by a shorter range."

"It was accepted into service a full two years after creation, due to prolonged testing. It narrowly beat out its competitor, based on ease of manufacturing."
change to
"Prolonged testing led to significant delay, and it was accepted into service two full years after its inception. It narrowly beat out its competitor, owing primarily to its ease of manufacture."

"Despite the many negative thoughts of the Sickle-Type Destroyer, it used to be a well-regarded ship, only now facing mass disdain due to its age."
change to
"Sordid reputation notwithstanding, the Sickle-Type Destroyer was once a well-regarded ship. It only now faces mass disdain due to extended age."

"The main complaint is the amount of Sickle-Type Destroyers already manufactured, and the lack of any replacement. The complaints have been proven dubious at best."
change to
"The rationale supporting this decision consists chiefly in the large multitude of Destroyers already manufactured, rendering any attempt at replacement inconvenient in void of a suitable alternative. The latter claim is, however, dubious."

"A complete refitting of the Sickle-Type Fleet has been suggested multiple times, although have been refused, with the upgrades being deemed too minor to pay for the price."
change to
"Plans for a complete refitting of the Sickle-Type fleet have on multiple occasions been proposed, but summarily dismissed on the grounds that potential improvements did not warrant the cost."

"An incident involving the Sickle-Type is often referred to as a clear example displaying the obsolesce of the ship."
You spelled "obsolescence" wrong. Also, consider changing the wording to this:
"A poignant example of the Sickle-Type's obsolescence and general inefficiency was an incident which occurred during the Sol Wars."

"The Lenin-Type has a modest armament, having less weapons than what would be standard for a warship of its size, but has substantial armor strength."
The number of "have"s in this exerpt is egregious. Consider changing it to this:
"The Lenin-Type is in possession of a modest armament, holding less weapons than is standard for a warship of its stature. This deficiency is amply compensated for, however, by an exceptionally durable hull."

Developmentally challenged as you may be, little guy, jyou will become a writer before Ironclad does. That I guarantee.


WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU AINT HEARD NOTHIN YET

Re: CE : Soviet Fleet Manifest by rotiferrotifer, 05 Jul 2022 23:35

I liked the story, but some parts confused me.

wife of 2-2883 (Eliza Reese)

I don't get who is ''2-2883'', one of the characters in the story? I understood that the main characters aren't related in any way to Eliza Reese, so I would recommend that you refer to her as a single entity (she can be 2-288 or think of another number).

Besides this, the story is pretty interesting. It shows us how common this kind of stuff is in the Authority with the conversation the main characters have in the beginning. The story is pretty catchy, I really cannot say more than I really like it.

(Correct me if I was wrong in something)

Re: Illusion of Life by KrangalKrangal, 03 Jul 2022 15:34

Might I suggest making a sandbox page? We don't usually allow drafts posted directly to the forums, and having a sandbox draft helps you get your formatting and code correct.

I cannot particularly recall how I arrived here, wherever here really is. I, cannot recall a great deal of details, not anymore at least. I suppose then that is why I am here, sat in this uncomfterable uncomfortable wooden stool, using precious charcoal to write and to inscribe than to preserve what little time I have acclimated for myself; it matters little.

For a time, it was comforting, for a time.

I understand that you are most likely doing this intentionally but it still pretty clunky to read.

It did not care, nor would it if my plead had been capable of reaching anyone in the cacophony of chilled currents of air coursing chilling winds which perpetually pestered the plain oak cabin.

The current sentence is somewhat clunky with the double "ofs." I recommend changing up the wording to give it a better flow.

I had run ran, and kicked, and screamed and burned the damn thing down but without fail it was there, welcoming me as if I had never left, I suppose I never did really; it matters little.

Never before do I recall truly considering man's plight, for all our mastery of nature, of God and Authority over all, we were are still weak, pink flesh who only truly reigned within the constraints of a few degrees.

This tale is actually quite well done. It gripped me and kept me reading throughout.

Granted, there are several run on sentences and the repetition you use misses the mark somewhat. Instead of being impactful, it becomes tedious. Not to say it should be removed. It needs some tweaking, but it's almost there. Orienting the story around it more might help to give it the impact you're looking for.

If you haven't already, I'd also recommend reading "To Build a Fire" by Jack London. It's about a man freezing to death, much like your tale, and it might give you some ideas for your own tale.

Overall, this tale is almost there. It has a solid core and can keep attention. All that is required now should be some tweaks here and there to the theme repetition and dealing with the spelling and grammatical mistakes. Otherwise, great tale.

Good work.

Re: Dattop Tale Draft by ICFDICFD, 02 Jul 2022 22:49
TomatointheMirrorTomatointheMirror 02 Jul 2022 22:05
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-111

I never got this one. The image is creepy, but the writing itself doesn't reach that same level with the imagery it presents.
The way in which the anomaly operates also feels forced with how it sabotages other nearby gas stations, and the exploding heads, and all that. It's there, but it doesn't add much besides "lol ur fuked".
It's big, it's loud, it does a lot of stuff, but once you peel that back there isn't really a lot of substance.

by TomatointheMirrorTomatointheMirror, 02 Jul 2022 22:05

Registered Phenomena Code: 371

Object Class: Alpha-Yellow

Hazard Types: Ballistic Hazard, Memory Alteration Hazard

Containment Protocols:
RPC-371-A and RPC-371-B are to be kept in site 002, when not being tested a flag should but put in the barrel of RPC-371-A and all of RPC-371-B are to be removed and stored separately. For no reason should RPC-371-A and RPC-371-B stored together. In the case of testing RPC-371-A and B are allowed to be together but under the watch of two security personnel at least. When testing is over A and B are to be separated again for storage

Description:
RPC-371 is a glock-19 [RPC-371-1] and Ten 100 round boxes [RPC-371-2]. RPC-371 does not manifest its anomalous powers until a bullets from RPC-371-2 are loaded into RPC-371-1. Then the effect will manifest, the gunmen appear to cause anti-memetic or memory loss of the gunman in the minds of onlookers, removing any trace of their existence for the moment that the gun is involved.

Discovery:
On 06/21/1999 the RPC Authority were notified by an agent imbedded in the NYPD major crimes division that the department had recently come into contact with a gun with anomalies effects used in murder. After mutable requests from the RPC Authority the NYPD on 07/13/1999 turned over RPC-371 and it was sent to site-002 for testing and containment.

Addendum 371-1:
Location: Site-002
Test Subject(s): 11
Assisting Department(s): Phycology Department
Lead Researcher: Dr. Martin

Exactly 10 L3-Confined Subjects were told to watch another Confined Subject holding RPC-371 who was instructed to shoot a one of the 10 L-3 Confined Subjects. After the shooter had chosen his target and shot, the 9 survivors were taken to a safe location away from the shooter and were asked by members of the Phycology Department who shot at them? Not one of the Confined Subjects were able to remember even though there was only one person who could have done it.

Addendum 371-2:

Investigation Report:

On May 5th, 03/15/2012 at 9:15 Head Researcher Dr. Wolfe from The Anomaly Experimentation Team was found dead in his office by fellow Researcher Dr. Ethan. Quickly security was notified, and Sierra-8 "Sundowners" were called in. Later at 10:17 security doing a patrol of Containment Alpha found that RPC-371-A was missing and one box from RPC-371-B was also missing. Sierra-8 Investigators were notified of this and lock downs where intensified. Sierra-8 Investigators at 11:30 started to official interviews (13 in total) of all people that where nearby when the body was found. Mutable personnel noted to investigators that Dr. Wolfe had a difficult relationship with his assistant, after hearing this, investigators would get permission from Site Director, Alan Walsh Sullivan to search Dr. Wolfe's assistants housing and after an hour of searching an RPC-371-B box was found. Quickly security forces secured Dr. Wolfe's assistant and placed him and a cell. When sirra-8 investigators broke the news that they found a box of RPC-371-B in his room the assistant confessed. After the confession sierra-8 turned the case over to Office of Ethics and Review. On 4/25/2012 a board ruled Dr. Wolfe's assistant was guilty and was sentenced to a lifetime sentence as a L3-Confind Subject.


Dr. RYguy15667
Anomalous Research & Protection Agency Founder

Rare Products Compeny
Or
Rich People Committee

Re: RPC acronyms by EnderDragon101EnderDragon101, 02 Jul 2022 04:10

Are you vietnamese?

Are you.. by KalestKaltoKazashKanKalestKaltoKazashKan, 01 Jul 2022 11:46

YES THE GRAMMAR TEAM.

Illusion of Life by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 01 Jul 2022 00:21
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