To start, I think you have a really unique and even terrifying idea. Confusion in war has cost many people their lives. I also like the ties to Native American mythology and European history. At risk of sounding like In Praise of Shadows, we don't really see things from Native myth explode aside from wendigos, skinwalkers and New Age bastardizations of Native myth. However, I think the execution and clinical tone leave a lot to be desired.
Firstly, I'm confused as to why re-containment of these creatures that are inherently and intentionally harmful to human life is considered "unnecessary." If these creatures can regenerate or teleport, I don't think monitoring them with drones or tracking them with microchips is going to be enough. I think they're more warranting of Gamma Yellow or even Orange.
Also, we as a species are always at war with each other (Or in the case of the Authority, other entities), so I think it would be wise to write some kind of way to keep them contained. Maybe an item of interest to them or a ritual?
Security Team ███-7U ("Crowbars") must respond to all on-site incidents involving RPC-XXX.
This made me chuckle, good job.
The two never depart from one another even under crisis.
I'd put: > RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B have never willingly departed from the other's company.
When any war occurs, RPC-XXX will involuntarily teleport to any ongoing battle alongside each other. The two do not fear any military equipment or weaponry. If one is shot, both entities will die and regenerate either at their nest6 or at a separate battle. Once a war concludes, they will vocalize cheerfully for thirty seconds before resuming activities.
I'd put: > At the start of an armed conflict, both RPC-XXX instances will (involuntarily) teleport to active warzones associated with the conflict. The subjects have not demonstrated fear of armed forces. Both instances will expire if one is fatally wounded. RPC-XXX will reappear at its nest or in another warzone. Upon the cessation of the local conflict, both RPC-XXX instances will cheerfully vocalize for thirty seconds before resuming activities.
Also, I'm not sure how the Authority knows the teleportation is involuntarily. An interview would clear things up.
The entities are sapient. They proved capable of accurately mimicking human speech in all commonly spoken languages.
I would establish the sapience of the two crows earlier in the document. Here's how I'd do that:
Both entities are sapient, capable of human speech and are fluent in multiple languages.
On numerous occasions, RPC-XXX has manipulated war operatives receiving needed food rations. When observing a battle, both entities stand neutral during the conflict and tend to watch from an elevated surface thirty-four metres away.
I would recommend writing:
RPC-XXX has displayed an active interest in manipulating active combatants during battles, especially those in need of rations or medical aid. Usually, the entities do not show preferences for any one side of the battle. RPC-XXX observes the conflict from an elevated surface at least thirty-four meters away from any combatants.
Additionally, RPC-XXX-B has demonstrated awareness of radios and they function, frequently misguiding operatives of that government.
You made a grammatical error, but aside from that I wouldn't change the sentence that much.
Additionally, RPC-XXX-B has demonstrated awareness of radios and their functions, frequently misguiding operatives with their own equipment
The exact date of when RPC-XXX was initially discovered was lost to time, but were first documented in █████ 2nd, 1414 during the Hunger War by a Polish soldier named "████ Pyzik." When combating the Teutonic Knights, the two were discovered by him. RPC-XXX was continuously documented by persons until eventual containment by Mobile Specialized Team ███-9A in 1934. RPC-XXX's nest was safely transported to Site-042 not long after.
This piece confuses me because we learn that the Roman Empire was aware of them about a thousand years before the Hunger War. Did you mean to say that the sighting in 1414 was the first confirmed sighting of them? Also the sentence is very much lacking in clinical tone. If you were to keep it, I'd write it like this:
It is unknown when RPC-XXX first appeared. RPC-XXX were first documented by ████ Pyzik, a Polish soldier active in the Hunger War. Sightings of RPC-XXX continued until eventual containment by (MST) in 1934. RPC-XXX and their nest were safely transported to Site-042 not long after.
The file attached below contains notable instances of RPC-XXX interactions. Physical documents are stored in Locker-███ at Sector-87UP. Each log is not in chronological order.
This one's pretty good, but I question why the locker is censored. It's not like they have any infohazardous properties or anything. I'd also establish that documents are stored in order of discovery in addition to not being in chronological order.
After an ambush from the Vietcong, an American corporal named █████ Lance retreated into the jungle and hid behind a nearby boulder. RPC-XXX followed him and began circling him in the air. Because of this, the Vietnamese were able to discover his hiding spot and captured him as a prisoner of war. Two years after the war concluded, Lance was returned to America.
Usually, it's the last name that gets censored, not the first name. I'd put:
After evading Vietkong operatives, American Corporal … retreated into the jungle and found shelter behind a boulder. RPC-XXX took interest in Cpl. …. Vietnamese soldiers took note of RPC-XXX and were able to locate Cpl. …. Cpl. … was taken as a prisoner of war but was released two years later.
I have to get going, so I apologize for not being able to crit all of your article. Right now, I'd say it's at a 2/5 because of the lack of clinical tone and logical contradictions. However, you have a great concept and this could easily become a 5/5 in another draft or two. Keep up the good work!