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8ismo 02 Dec 2025 21:55
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-667

I'll agree with Double on the point that the anomaly could probably be filled with a pump, and add onto it that nothing really prevents the Authority from executing 667-3 instances, waiting for them to die off, or a third option so they can just disassemble or try to neutralize 667-3.

It's a fun gimmick, but I'd have to say that the "actual" article is weirdly so much better and more important than the fake part that it is weird to me why would something like this even need to be censored and classified? It seems like it is there for the sake of being there.

I am not sure whether Warden's statement that remains changed between the two versions is an attempt to make the statement feel more hollow and insincere, if so it works if not it might be better to shed a little bit more context on the character's feelings and relationship with the Director, similarly how the rest of that part of the article does for the anomaly.

Otherwise, it's good.

Re: Floating with myself: GD-OCEA backstory.

Funhouse 30 Nov 2025 00:30
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Floating with myself: GD-OCEA backstory.

+Review

I'm sorry but what's supposed to be the meat of the article ruin any mystique or appeal for the anomaly itself, let alone GD-OCEA. I was pulled in towards the video logs after everything before it only to read Rich in Stone and Mud, again. I don't know how the tale turned out last I read it, but this has the exact same gripes I had. It may not be as exhaustingly long (yay) yet it suffers from the same overly detailed descriptions for the most mundane bits of the story; The door "opened just a little bit too much", "I put my hand around a freshly loosened metal pipe, and janked myself in a spin", etc.

What I find most glaring is turning the Rinzai school GD into a Tom Cruise flick, especially goofy is the choice of a hooded cult to represent his reflection. What was relevant to his Zen Buddhism by the third log feels REALLY on the nose. In fact, It doesn't go over anything that's already established about his background nor character BUT that, nor does expand on anything about him; Instead it felt like gross character derailment.

From the second log onwards it's a slog. I noticed there were instances of the quotations opening and closing. I assumed they were all within his retelling but

“That means smart. Too much? Ok.”

had me scratch my head on whether he's quoting a third person or breaking off story to correct himself. Which wouldn't be the case if it was indicated another way to distinguish it from quotations.

Disappointed to be blunt. It hooked me just right only to subject me with verbosity and a Scooby Doo plot. To answer your question, yes this is confusing only for the prose you chose and not cause the narrative is complex. Focus on more direct storytelling than describing every scene to bits, cause the narrative is far too simple to justify it told in a passive voice.

+Writing

• Struck through lines suggest removal.
• Underlined lines suggest addition
• Italicized lines call into question

As of 1993, RPC-796 has since 1993 manifested as a liquefied natural gas powered cruise ship, the LNG Free Fellow.

discriminated against

Discriminate imply its based on a congenital trait or religious belief. Try "targeted"?

It was my parents' fault

About 2 hours from the port I turned around and saw a little kid carried by his mother beside the pool. He reminded me of when I did the same, but paid the price by splitting my head open on the edging. This scar on my face 一 and the deteriorated memory of obtaining it 一 is one of the few interesting stories I would, could, ever share at a party. Looking at the child put a stone in my stomach, so I turned to the ocean again, and was greeted by a most frightening Fellow indeed.

I can't help but see no point to telling us how he got the scar. I figured it was a fall against a sharp edge of a ship's rails or something along those lines. Or rather that we're let on it when there isn't anything it's commenting about. I figured then this would connect further down the video log, but I feel it's strange to labor this point beyond the length of a sentence.

but I was awoken by a loud horn pushing itself into my awareness

Immediately in front of me was the starboard side of the Fellow, healed and fine. How I was transported here I don’t know, but at the time I was distracted by the boat. On it I saw the backs of men, more than fifty individuals clinging to steps I had not noticed before, scaling the side. They were dressed in varying outfits, however many with an upside-down triangle motif. I felt scorching hate as they stripped me of my one excuse. I had no choice but to ascend in their steps. By the time my lazy body reached the first deck, the climbers were all long-gone.“

So from what I understood he was transported there while drifting in his moment of hopelessness. 50 men were holding onto a ship's ladder with triangle motifs on the back of their shirt, and after he got up there no one was there. That's easy to understand but I feel like this can be written more concisely. To add his hatred towards them comes off really forward and seemingly out of nowhere.

It was a ghost town on a hull. First I wandered with a rather disappointed demeanor, looking for these iron men: both out of spite and out of admiration. I felt no panic, and my fantasy of a war-torn, ozymandian vessel wailing at the sky as it was poetically swallowed by the oceans, quickly withered. There was not any night to paint the scene melancholy blue either, and the gray-yellow waters were a humdrum painting free of turbulence.

Trim the descriptive language here, cause not only was it difficult to read through it added nothing to the narrative. Using a more active voice could potentially remedy it into a memorable quote but that's like asking a cook to make a plate out of macaroni and icecream to work; Is it worth it?

and eventually emerged to a widening, seemingly a cafeteria of some sort.

their gazes fixed in front toward an individual stood upon a blocky contraption. In it amassed the men fixing their gaze upon one of their own, standing upon a curious contraption.

Unless the shape of it is to some significance to the narrative, I don't see why keep it.

On the left side

Left side of what? The stage; the man in a dull, white respirator? Write whatever it is in.

mak-shift makeshift stage

and soon I subsequently had dozens of numbered, concealed faces seeing all of peering onto me.

The crowd refocused their gazes, as 45 began jumping on tables and over pipes to get to me. Out of fear of being thrown into that horrid engine room, I fled.

I don't see a point to them looking back and forth to GD-OCEA. Try:

45 jumped over tables and pipes out to get me. I fled in fear of not only them, but what this horrid engine room would implicate on my capture.

First I ran with myself,

"I ran alone at first"?

While my tumbling against the steel was ugly

I cannot say I wasn’t a bit bubbly.

Say that again.

Even tried some clever tricks, such as throwing a wrench down the other branch of the crossings, or backtracking silently behind a particularly large hilus of pipes.

Look for anything that resembles this line and remove it. Pretty please.

‘Why does he come back every year, just to try and die again?’

77 raised his arm and said..

I can't help but think this conspiring bunch are speaking like this. Make of that what you will.

‘No, why me?’

‘He’s scared of what he must become. He wants someone similar to him.’

I approached the Fellow. The hate simmered in me again. Was I really so pathetic? To sink a ship and its crew?

How come he immediately jumps to assuming it is his image and not some clone; Why is this his first conclusion to that answer? This flows far less like a moment of clarity and that of what the writer asks for us to interpret it.

After saying a short prayer and burying 45

Bury where?

GD-OCEA discards the notebook.

You mean put away or straight out the ship into the sea into a bin? Some arbitrary aggression there haha.

The crew begins singing the song Happy Birthday To You as GD-OCEA cuts it short when a RPC-796 event commences.. They are interrupted when RPC-796 manifests in the background.

Funhouse 29 Nov 2025 16:34
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » GD-OCEA

Early 2020s was a different age and its only been 4 years.

Funhouse 29 Nov 2025 16:21
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Top Level Administration Directory

I feel as if from GD-East and onwards the general archetypes get less interesting. I figure there is reason for so that I can see through by spending my evening reading their dedicated pages. Otherwise, what's here is grounds for some interesting articles and power dynamics to write on.

Also fix the last paragraph.

While a the general rule of thumb

that have caused them o leave the position

decisions were made at at certain periods.

Floating with myself: GD-OCEA backstory.

Abbefalkon 27 Nov 2025 16:26
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Floating with myself: GD-OCEA backstory.

4k words.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/floating-with-myself

Tell me if it is too confusing.

Autumn field and silver fog

Jokezm 21 Nov 2025 14:03
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Autumn field and silver fog

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/book-of-worms

(this one will be linked in the main article and is part of the same storyline)
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/book-of-worms1

---

They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse.

Funhouse 21 Nov 2025 01:35
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-809

Man what sickly mood was I in to rate this 3? 5 stars. You can sense real anger in this.

Re: Midas's Ring

DoubleDenial 20 Nov 2025 03:17
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Midas's Ring

+ Review

Well, I suppose I could say you "didn't add enough". The most important steering question is, "But why?" For what reason does this object exist in-universe? Why is it a ring and also a disease that spreads naturally? If the ring was constructed of byproducts from a disease that already existed, who did it and why? To remember someone by? Or to kill someone in particular? Of course mystery is part of the fun, but you should have a pretty good idea of what the answers are or at least where they lie, and I take it this is currently just weirdness for its own sake.

I'll give you credit: the effect is earnestly freaky, or at least was to me. I don't want tumors on my body painfully pooping out gold nuggets. ("The maturity of these growths is indicated by the painful secretion of golden metal pellets out of an orifice present on the tumors" might be the best sentence of the draft: great, natural use of expressive vocabulary that sells the medical horror wonderfully without beating you over the head with it.) I deduct some points for the unconvincing emphasis on "excruciating pain", the fact that anomalous diseases causing you to grow anomalous tumors is kind of a hackneyed trope, and for making it kill you super fast. On that note, if you want to make the death seem scary and painful, why don't you describe the effect it has on the body: what does this actually feel like?

The recovery log is a misstep, though I respect that you took the time to read up on relevant lore for inclusion. The entire thing leans on its references and lacks any substantial content after "it was discovered in █████, Afghanistan". (I elaborate on that a bit more in the line-for-line notes.) This scene can't really "work" anyway, because it has nothing to "work" towards. That brings me back to the same question: "Why?" What I'm saying is, you need a theme: some purpose behind the writing. The famous Midas Touch fable your title alludes to is a parable on the dangers of greed; an overly simplistic one, sure, but it's a message that guides the story and gives it such a timeless appeal that we still remember and reference it to this day.

So, like, try to do that.

+ Line-for-line

nessicary

necessary

Senior Research Staff

Doesn't need capitalization.

pervent

prevent

RPC-XXX bears the resemblance of a golden ring.

bears a resemblance to

It's generally considered poor form to start the description with a line like "RPC-XXX appears to be", and while this use of it is justifiable, it could still use some tweaking; this first sentence fails to directly establish anything about the object of focus (is it even a ring?).

Be clear about your intent, e.g. "RPC-XXX is an ornamental ring, about [something] in diameter, that appears to be made of gold; however, […]". Using a semicolon allows for that touch of suspense without leaving the sentence ambiguous at the end.

experimentation has shown the RPC-XXX composites, an unknown anomalous material

This comma seems to be in the place where a verb should be ("[…] shown the RPC-XXX composites to be an […]"?).

that isn't discernible to any known metals

"Isn't discernable to any known metals" means that the metals can't discern it. Metals don't do much discerning to begin with. "Isn't discernable as any known metal" is a quick fix.

Also, you're advised against using contractions in clinical tone, so I'd change "material that isn't discernible" to "material not discernable".

Decorating around the shank of RPC-XXX are engravings that bear resemblance to

Crash blossom makes it seem like "decorating" is the subject, with "around" referring to it. Cutting "around" would fix that and seems cleaner overall.

You've used the phrase "bear resemblance" twice in this paragraph: change one.

RPC-XXX's anomalous properties manifest when subjects come into physical contact with RPC-XXX.

Repetitive wording; you could at least use a pronoun, but "[…] manifest upon physical contact with a subject" is even better.

This exposure leads rapid tumorous growths

You fixed the original error I pointed out in this sentence, but you introduced another one by cutting the word "to".

golden metal pellets

Misleading, since they're not actually gold, and you cared enough to emphasize that distinction for the ring at the start.

refered to as RPC-XXX-1

Missing period, and "referred" has 3 Rs.

Contact with RPC-XXX-1's byproducts as well as their tumors are shown to be highly contagious.

Plurality mismatch: "contact" is singular, "are" is plural; "contact […] are" is improper. More importantly, "contact is contagious" is still wonky since "contact" isn't the subject that is contagious. I'd rephrase entirely, e.g. "RPC-XXX is highly contagious and can spread through skin contact with both tumors and their byproducts."

RPC-XXX-1's byproducts seem to be created by the tumors utilizing the subject's matter, with seemingly any matter that composes a subject's body being usable in this process.

Attributing the creation of the byproducts specifically to the tumors (not to the phenomenon in general?) is a weird tangent that distracts from the sentence (just do "created […] from the subject's matter"). The second half is awkwardly stapled on and doesn't really answer any questions properly.

Regardless of their elemental and chemical composition.

Sentence fragment that should be part of the previous sentence (it doesn't even need a comma!). "Their" should be "its" since the subject is "matter".

RPC-XXX-1 infected will become deceased up to a period of 2 days after the tumors reach maturity.

"Become deceased" is comical; if you need a fancy way to say "die", say "expire". And "die up to a period of 2 days" makes no sense unless you're planning to resurrect slightly faster than Jesus.

Post-mortem autopsy

Just say "autopsy"; autopsy is always post-mortem.

showed that the subject's vital organs and internal structures were dissolved during the infection.

Why is this sentence suddenly past tense and referring to a singular subject?

a outbreak

an outbreak

Cooperation with locals identified RPC-XXX as the cause of the outbreak and was located soon after.

The subject of "was located soon after" appears to be "cooperation with locals". (Try "[…] outbreak, and the object was located […]")

Those identified or suspected to be RPC-XXX-1 were ██████████████████.

The blackbox is ridiculous, just say they killed them. You already said so in the conprots anyway. Also, "suspected to be RPC-XXX-1"? I dunno, it seems pretty hard to hide.

Those who were deemed unaffected were given G-2 Amnestics.

There's nothing wrong here grammatically, except pretty much no one capitalizes "amnestics" outside the Amnestics Guide.

The reason I care about this sentence, though, is because it's lazy. It's the most joyless snowclone amnestics deployment one can type. You can do so much better, especially with Gaslighters; you know they can be administered multiple ways, right? Let me see what I can come up with right now:

• "Survivors were assembled by Protectorate agents and administered compulsory G-2 amnestic injections under the guise of humanitarian vaccinations."
• "Agents introduced G-2 amnestics into local water supplies after the outbreak."
• "Grade 2 Gaslighters were released into the area's atmosphere periodically throughout the following days."

I could probably come up with something even better with a clearer picture of the setting, but all I know from the draft is that it's an "area" and "location" with "locals".

Midas's Ring

perc300 20 Nov 2025 00:12
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Midas's Ring

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/midas-s-ring

---

bruh

Funhouse 19 Nov 2025 17:12
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-026

Felt I was reading the National Geographic for a bit here, it's really convincing how you've explained it here. I think it's perfectly adequate as is but I find the redactions random and were better suited to point to regions in the sea where ships are mysteriously sinking, for instance. Or hell even anywhere innocuous too cause it doesn't illicit any curiosity why a territory and timeline of deadly hordes of fish is redacted. What, precious carnivorous caviar? LOL

Nitpicks aside, 4 stars. Longray Fangjaw 3D when?

Funhouse 19 Nov 2025 16:33
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-166

Bare bones. Cool monster but the article isn't finished by any means. Odd inclusions of hazards that point to nowhere like its sapience and arbitrary conprocs (why titanium against microbes?) that don't utilize its equally arbitrary aversion to water. A more efficient protocol would be to completely fill it with pool water and add cat-light strobes emitting diffused light. Which, come to think of it, would've made for a better picture, knowing in this empty pool there is a flesheating microbe waiting to grow and consume you, than a pitch black containment room.

There is unspecific writing that bring down the immersion like

RPC-166 is still able to overwhelm and consume a staff member under certain circumstances.

This really is unfinished, which I understand given the excitement from RPC just becoming a thing but this really lacks anything to look back on. Still I like the visual of revealing a monstrous blob deteriorating in a flash; Sloshing sounds in the dark to it melt immediately hahaha. Also somewhat funny to think the 99.9% microbe eradicated is applicable here.

I wish it expanded on that or anything at all for that matter. 2 Stars

Funhouse 17 Nov 2025 18:25
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-286

What a menace.

This has to be one of the best on the site. It's so extreme in its comic premise that it reverts back to being scary. I typically find it lazy when a monster is written to have arbitrarily punishing consequences to containment attempts but here it pushes that to great absurdity. I can't believe this is a 2018 article.

Funhouse 17 Nov 2025 00:49
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-265

Was scratching my chin till I read they decompose into hamburger meat, then my eyes popped out in interest. Novel till we get to the event and incident logs then it turns truly scary. The descriptions of their untimely bloated deaths is so vivid and gnarly. Good shit. 5 St- Ough.. ouurrrrrrrrrrrrp

Funhouse 16 Nov 2025 22:40
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-394

I love the concept and the interview prose; it is handled so well. The closing statement drives the point home. I also like how it goes over Judas' biblical story briefly as I was ignorant of it before this, but that's definitely just me being THAT ignorant haha.

Perhaps I'm alone on this but I have no idea what the artistic interpretation relates to the discovery description or where 394 is. Otherwise this ends on a real high note I can ignore my confusion there. 5 Stars.

Funhouse 16 Nov 2025 21:53
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-272

Personally reminded me of Let the Right One In, some Swedish film where vampire kids fuck up the townspeople. I suppose the childish nature of these massacres have a funny thing to it, as well as the freaky nature of their onslaught creepy, but I have to agree that the authority is barely involved with this thing when they absolutely would engage the anomaly and document that event at least.

A nitpick, but I would have liked to hear what containment protocols would be in place if someone was already engaged in a 272 event. Run or play along? And what would be the special considerations to keep them from getting agitated? Especially for civilians if they were to engage it, a cultural program to encourage snowfights.

I like the urban legend feel it gives off. 3 Stars.

DoubleDenial 16 Nov 2025 13:17
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-557

I greatly enjoyed your review!

the depiction of a semi-organic interior to human infrastructure reminded me, not without some time recollecting, of The Heart in GTA IV's Statue of Happiness.

Around the time I was finalizing the article, I made the same connection. I don't think it was a direct inspiration, but it's a similar metaphor.

Do you notice a reoccurring theme of anomalies taking something bodily or corporal from people in your RPCs?

I never had before, but that seems like a pretty good read on my psyche.

Fleshward 16 Nov 2025 02:08
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-557

Open

It took me a double take to get a whole feel for the story, which I appreciate, but I still feel it doesn't expand enough what's already laid out. Yes, cities "grind" its inhabitants down into spare components to keep the lights on for everyone else until it's their time to join the city's Unconscious/Underground like an incestous, horizontal Tower of Babel, but I'm left unsatisfied because we get to see the former "grinding" part and not a lot of where the output moves into - aside from the biomatter we occasionally find.

Maybe the Authority notes the local infrastructure grafts itself to 557, or explorations of 557 coincide with localized heatwaves and sudden mass hallucinations of self-melting and smelling fried pork in heavily urbanized/industrialized areas of the city (affected individuals claim that the odour was recognizable or familiar, as if the smell was always present but suppressed), or the horse plushie was coincidentally recognized by a Chicagoan agent as belonging to a toy store whose overworked owner closed it down after something "bad" happened to his daughter. The mystery is set, but the open-ended hints that elevate said mysteries in stories just don't bridge out from the inner workings of 557 into the pores of the city itself, perhaps out of fear you'd spell it out to readers. It's 678 without the online tooth sale.

I compared the story to a haunted house ride before, as if the scares and creepy decour of 557 were placed adhoc for the sake of being scary, now I feel what actually put me off was that the scares and creeps are perfectly set into the story, but the anomaly itself feel disconnected to its own implications; the subconscious of the city doesn't bleed into its waking side.

PS: Reading the exploration log of a lifeless, vaguely office-building set of rooms reminded me a lot of Lethal Company, while the depiction of a semi-organic interior to human infrastructure reminded me, not without some time recollecting, of The Heart in GTA IV's Statue of Happiness.

PPS: Do you notice a reoccurring theme of anomalies taking something bodily or corporal from people in your RPCs? 139 takes skin, 557 refines you into paste, 679 takes - well - everything. Food for thought.

RPC-557: Parking Underground

DoubleDenial 14 Nov 2025 15:58
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-557

Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

The first photo is "Opening door to underground garage" by Downtowngal, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 (modified). The second photo is "parking garage" by Dean Hochman, licensed under CC BY 2.0 (modified). Audio was sourced from the public domain.

---

Draft crit (thread)

markrod20
Jokezm
Funhouse
thatowldude
Superspambot

Re: Rpc-645 The Colossal Once

MrVoidguy 10 Nov 2025 06:49
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Archived Drafts » Rpc-645 The Colossal One

I mean i didn't make it longer.. and secondly i wanted to make something different than other Rpcs. And secondly theres no similarities to scp-082 what's similarity? The measurements?. Thirdly i didn't know i would need a Event like containment breach

And as for my English i apologise because am Trying hard to make it better

Re: Rpc-645 The Colossal Once

DoubleDenial 10 Nov 2025 01:10
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Archived Drafts » Rpc-645 The Colossal One

First of all, make sure to capitalize properly. Proofread your draft for incomplete sentences, run-ons, sentence fragments, and typos. I found plenty just by skimming. It's a near-instant dealbreaker when readers can tell you didn't bother to proofread your own draft. Also, remember to use metric units in clinical tone, not inches or shoe sizes.

I try to look past presentation and enjoy the concepts regardless, but this draft is uneventful. The biggest chunk of it is repetitive and somewhat superficial physical detail ("always wears"? but what if it doesn't?) and the character seems suspiciously similar to SCP-082. I did find the "highly advanced sensory perception" and the idea of relying on a two-faced superhuman in a stressful situation interesting, but nothing happens with it or anything else in the article; while description-only articles can work, they need a strong sense of purpose.

You need to work on your English skills, and the draft needs to better utilize its concept and differentiate itself from what's already been done. You shouldn't post it as-is.

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