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Re: Site-036
AbbefalkonAbbefalkon 14 Feb 2025 10:53
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Site-036

4 kilometers underground is excessive. The deepest mine in the world is about 4 kilometers, and it uses cooling systems to alleviate the 66 C down there, as well as complex ventilation.

The front cover seems like a bit of an issue. Does it also operate as a normal restaurant? If so, guests would most likely be suspicious of the excessive activity.
If it doesn't and random hungry people are redirected, wouldn't the large operation of distributing food to all of south Canada's Authority bases attract attention? Why would a closed restaurant do this much?
Just having the cover be some food factory would make more sense, and justify the heavy exports.

Re: Site-036 by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 14 Feb 2025 10:53

No, I'll explain to you some stuff in the article when I get home from school.

Re: The Twin Crows by DuskNeokaDuskNeoka, 13 Feb 2025 17:41

Was that the point?

Re: The Twin Crows by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 13 Feb 2025 17:31

good God, you got confused.

Re: The Twin Crows by DuskNeokaDuskNeoka, 13 Feb 2025 13:35
Re: The Twin Crows by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 13 Feb 2025 13:12
Re: Spectral Stuffed Bunny by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 13 Feb 2025 06:41

IMO, you're better off splitting this into multiple stories. There's a lot going on and it gets jarring real fast. It has potential, but too much potential for a single tale to realize. Don't give up.

Re: Pans and Profit by ColonelGWColonelGW, 12 Feb 2025 21:16

Thank you very much for your crit. One idea I had was that the cats only produced grain for their livestock since cats are obligate carnivores that don't need to eat produce.


RPC-XXX — "The Twin Crows"


Containment Protocols:


Description:


Addendums:


When I was reading it at first, I thought it was related to Odin's two crows.

Re: The Twin Crows by The Generic DoctorThe Generic Doctor, 12 Feb 2025 02:54

While I've been appreciative of your criticism so far, I don't really understand the rationale behind your recent crit. You're also really hostile for no reason despite me being cordial with you.

No shit, Sherlock. Just add in the thing I corrected in the first part of my crit.

If you see a creature using their body in a way that it logically shouldn't be able to, it very much is worth mentioning. The creatures are anatomically identical to regular cats.

A lot of problems with this one. I get you are trying to go for the whole stereotypical arstrocat thing, but I highly doubt RPC-XXX-A would oppose the Authority considering how they are 15x the strength of them. Also, incredibly unrealistic that they ignore the carrot & stick tactic, even if they are cats. Because you wanna know the many forces that would be guaranteed to work, and if not, its unrealistic as fuck? Let me list them.

The Authority has access to the following, which is almost guaranteed to work > against these cats:
Nuclear bombs, toxic chemicals, military-trained canines, modern weaponry such as tanks, artillery, and other military equipment. And so much more, but I have so little time to list them.

1. I've been here longer than you think. I'm well aware of what the Authority is capable of.

2. I don't know where you get the impression that they weren't contained. There is a difference between something not being contained and something not being cooperative. I don't even think I implied they put up a fight, only that their leader wouldn't answer to any questions.

3. Yes, because as we know, the Authority will casually threaten some random fucking cats with nuclear bombs.

This is something you’d see in an SNL skit rather than an RPC article. Wedding rings are precious, nobody would ever give it away to something as pathetic as a RPC-XXX-A instance. Also, the first sentence is another “No shit, Sherlock” moment.

You have no idea how stupid some people can be. Admittedly, it is kind of poorly written because I didn't establish how the doctor knew that would work. Also, there are a lot of non-J RPCs with comedic tones, including a guy who kills himself because plastic lawns were invented (RPC-112) and an otherwise normal cat that can't be contained (RPC-686).

The entire interview log following is terrible, much worse than I originally read it even though it didn’t change. New eye, I guess. It would be best to delete it and replace it with something else.

Would you care to elaborate?

I want you to read this again. Start to finish. Now see all the grammatical errors! I’ve seen Roblox roleplayers with a better understanding of the English language.

Again, would you care to point them out then? Your job as a critic is to point things out. Don't just tell me something sucks. Explain why you think it sucks.

Anyways, thanks for the crit, but I don't know why you're so hostile all the sudden. Did one of the cats kill your family or something?

Re: Part 2 Crit by ColonelGWColonelGW, 12 Feb 2025 00:34
Part 2 Crit by DuskNeokaDuskNeoka, 11 Feb 2025 13:15

I think this one's almost ready for publishing. Just a few critiques. I will be operating under the assumption that this is supposed to be a beginner's first RPC like you told me.

Overall, you've got a good article. 3/5 right now, could easily be a 4 or 5/5 with a few minor changes. Good job.

Re: Spectral Stuffed Bunny by ColonelGWColonelGW, 10 Feb 2025 22:09
Re: Site-036
ColonelGWColonelGW 10 Feb 2025 21:08
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Site-036

I don't have too much to add, I think you have a solid article. However, I do think you could reduce the amount of hazards listed in the Specialty section. Looking at the two RPCs contained at the site, none of them involve aquatic hazards. Additionally, while they contain items with these propeties, I wouldn't really say the site is specialized in any of them aside from cullinary and organic/biological hazards.

Re: Site-036 by ColonelGWColonelGW, 10 Feb 2025 21:08

Continued:

According to Roman scripts, RPC-XXX interacted with Roman soldiers in the Battle of Medway. Not only did they steal Roman and Briton food rations, but also manipulated various soldiers to their demise. Mostly luring soldiers of both sides towards wild animals or traps set up by the opposing side.

The entities are directly responsible for ██ casualties during the battle.

I'd put it like:

RPC-XXX interfered with both sides of the Battle of Medway. Subjects confiscated rations from Roman and Briton soldiers. Soldiers were lured to wild animals and traps set up by the opposing side.

Before Operation: Overlord, several American operatives fed RPC-XXX between naval battles with Japan. Veterans who were present clarified this was done to boost morale amongst soldiers. This led to the entities becoming fond of American operatives during the war.

I'd put:

American operatives fed RPC-XXX prior to Operation: Overlord. Veteran operatives claimed this was done to boost morale. This led to RPC-XXX becoming fond of American operatives during the war.

During Germany's invasion of the Soviet Union, RPC-XXX warped across eastern Europe at a very excessive rate. In the Battle of Stalingrad, RPC-XXX-B found a German radio and gave false orders to the Sixth German Army, mimicking General Paulus's voice. This incident led to Soviet victory in Stalingrad.

Honestly, I think this could be divided into at least two different instances. I think it'd be interesting to see the specific battles they were involved in.

Following the investigation of the █████ Ruins by Mobile Specialized Team ████-12 on ██/05/2006, RPC-XXX seems involved in various Native American mythologies. While most relics and plaques depicting RPC-XXX were either destroyed or irremovable from their original position, tales and roles of them in each mythology were acquired by nearby locals.

In my opinion, the first sentence is fine just until the comma. Here's how I'd handle the rest:

…Authority researchers concluded that RPC-XXX may have influenced various Native American mythologies. While most artefacts pertaining to RPC-XXX were damaged or irremovable, the Authority learned more about RPC-XXX from the population of [Redacted/Blocks].

All tales surrounding RPC-XXX were deemed unnecessary for noting as the current understanding of the two debunks all claims of their roles in mythology.

I'd change this section entirely. Not only does it (seemingly) contradict the earlier statement of the Authority going to the locals for help, but it seems counter intuitive since the Authority is trying to document all known appearances of the anomaly. Furthermore, seeing how the anomaly influenced local culture could be helpful, too.

Overall, my thoughts remain the same. You have a pretty good concept, it just needs to be refined. Keep it up.

Re: The Twin Crows by ColonelGWColonelGW, 10 Feb 2025 20:34

To start, I think you have a really unique and even terrifying idea. Confusion in war has cost many people their lives. I also like the ties to Native American mythology and European history. At risk of sounding like In Praise of Shadows, we don't really see things from Native myth explode aside from wendigos, skinwalkers and New Age bastardizations of Native myth. However, I think the execution and clinical tone leave a lot to be desired.

Firstly, I'm confused as to why re-containment of these creatures that are inherently and intentionally harmful to human life is considered "unnecessary." If these creatures can regenerate or teleport, I don't think monitoring them with drones or tracking them with microchips is going to be enough. I think they're more warranting of Gamma Yellow or even Orange.

Also, we as a species are always at war with each other (Or in the case of the Authority, other entities), so I think it would be wise to write some kind of way to keep them contained. Maybe an item of interest to them or a ritual?

Security Team ███-7U ("Crowbars") must respond to all on-site incidents involving RPC-XXX.

This made me chuckle, good job.

The two never depart from one another even under crisis.

I'd put: > RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B have never willingly departed from the other's company.

When any war occurs, RPC-XXX will involuntarily teleport to any ongoing battle alongside each other. The two do not fear any military equipment or weaponry. If one is shot, both entities will die and regenerate either at their nest6 or at a separate battle. Once a war concludes, they will vocalize cheerfully for thirty seconds before resuming activities.

I'd put: > At the start of an armed conflict, both RPC-XXX instances will (involuntarily) teleport to active warzones associated with the conflict. The subjects have not demonstrated fear of armed forces. Both instances will expire if one is fatally wounded. RPC-XXX will reappear at its nest or in another warzone. Upon the cessation of the local conflict, both RPC-XXX instances will cheerfully vocalize for thirty seconds before resuming activities.

Also, I'm not sure how the Authority knows the teleportation is involuntarily. An interview would clear things up.

The entities are sapient. They proved capable of accurately mimicking human speech in all commonly spoken languages.

I would establish the sapience of the two crows earlier in the document. Here's how I'd do that:

Both entities are sapient, capable of human speech and are fluent in multiple languages.

On numerous occasions, RPC-XXX has manipulated war operatives receiving needed food rations. When observing a battle, both entities stand neutral during the conflict and tend to watch from an elevated surface thirty-four metres away.

I would recommend writing:

RPC-XXX has displayed an active interest in manipulating active combatants during battles, especially those in need of rations or medical aid. Usually, the entities do not show preferences for any one side of the battle. RPC-XXX observes the conflict from an elevated surface at least thirty-four meters away from any combatants.

Additionally, RPC-XXX-B has demonstrated awareness of radios and they function, frequently misguiding operatives of that government.

You made a grammatical error, but aside from that I wouldn't change the sentence that much.

Additionally, RPC-XXX-B has demonstrated awareness of radios and their functions, frequently misguiding operatives with their own equipment

The exact date of when RPC-XXX was initially discovered was lost to time, but were first documented in █████ 2nd, 1414 during the Hunger War by a Polish soldier named "████ Pyzik." When combating the Teutonic Knights, the two were discovered by him. RPC-XXX was continuously documented by persons until eventual containment by Mobile Specialized Team ███-9A in 1934. RPC-XXX's nest was safely transported to Site-042 not long after.

This piece confuses me because we learn that the Roman Empire was aware of them about a thousand years before the Hunger War. Did you mean to say that the sighting in 1414 was the first confirmed sighting of them? Also the sentence is very much lacking in clinical tone. If you were to keep it, I'd write it like this:

It is unknown when RPC-XXX first appeared. RPC-XXX were first documented by ████ Pyzik, a Polish soldier active in the Hunger War. Sightings of RPC-XXX continued until eventual containment by (MST) in 1934. RPC-XXX and their nest were safely transported to Site-042 not long after.

The file attached below contains notable instances of RPC-XXX interactions. Physical documents are stored in Locker-███ at Sector-87UP. Each log is not in chronological order.

This one's pretty good, but I question why the locker is censored. It's not like they have any infohazardous properties or anything. I'd also establish that documents are stored in order of discovery in addition to not being in chronological order.

After an ambush from the Vietcong, an American corporal named █████ Lance retreated into the jungle and hid behind a nearby boulder. RPC-XXX followed him and began circling him in the air. Because of this, the Vietnamese were able to discover his hiding spot and captured him as a prisoner of war. Two years after the war concluded, Lance was returned to America.

Usually, it's the last name that gets censored, not the first name. I'd put:

After evading Vietkong operatives, American Corporal … retreated into the jungle and found shelter behind a boulder. RPC-XXX took interest in Cpl. …. Vietnamese soldiers took note of RPC-XXX and were able to locate Cpl. …. Cpl. … was taken as a prisoner of war but was released two years later.

I have to get going, so I apologize for not being able to crit all of your article. Right now, I'd say it's at a 2/5 because of the lack of clinical tone and logical contradictions. However, you have a great concept and this could easily become a 5/5 in another draft or two. Keep up the good work!

Re: The Twin Crows by ColonelGWColonelGW, 09 Feb 2025 23:36

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/the-gruggening

A whimsical SCP for my return to Wikidot/The RPC Authority.

Grugdor's Return/King Wain by ColonelGWColonelGW, 09 Feb 2025 21:48
The Twin Crows by DuskNeokaDuskNeoka, 04 Feb 2025 17:59
Re: Credits
DuskNeokaDuskNeoka 04 Feb 2025 15:42
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-155

The most easiest 5 stars I have ever given. Good job, Pierson!

Re: Credits by DuskNeokaDuskNeoka, 04 Feb 2025 15:42
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