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Angry RPC nerd here for the requested crit.

DoubleDenialDoubleDenial 27 Feb 2024 19:00
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-038-J

by DoubleDenialDoubleDenial, 27 Feb 2024 19:00

This document is not uneventful, but not very purposeful either. Its only trick is literal disappointment, and not a gut-wrenching or serious kind, but more like being promised a lollipop and then forgotten about. I figure the ending is supposed to be disappointing, but why? I don't know what I gained from reading this. Though that's an abstract complaint on its own, it's clear that this particular document scarcely attempts to go anywhere at all. It starts and ends in the same place, with only a small mess left over.

The CSD subjects are the only valuable asset this article has, but their potential is unrealized. CSD-0748 has half a line of dialogue, and CSD-2243 is just a prop. I would care to read about the future misadventures of the tiny man and the (urgh) "giantess", and this document would probably be best used to set up such a story, but alas, it never came.

Besides, it's a researcher's job to design creative experiments and uncover useful properties. Why is Sullivan adamant on throwing in the towel after two experiments are inconclusive? It's bizarre that a site director would be so disinterested in science. The assertion that the Authority can't afford to do these experiments makes them seem weak and uninteresting. RPC-125 had a similar conflict about anomaly utilization, but executed it much more effectively, albeit relying basically on comedy to work. I reviewed that article years ago and didn't have the most shining praise for it, but in hindsight it offered more to RPC's world than this document did.

This is probably still among the collaborative pages' better offspring. The lesser anomaly pages have a lot of cruft and are infested with pieces that wouldn't survive anywhere susceptible to deletion, so for this one to go the extra mile and attach itself to a full document is admirable. If it opens the door for better utilization of lesser anomalies by future authors, it might be worthwhile for that alone. It's still mid, though. 3/5

Re: Panzerboy
televisionisttelevisionist 26 Feb 2024 03:21
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Panzerboy

(Once again, spag in Google Docs sent via dms)

Re: Panzerboy by televisionisttelevisionist, 26 Feb 2024 03:21
JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha 26 Feb 2024 02:06
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-912

aside from all the constant weird wording and clinical tone ("crushing machine", "it will produce exact replicas of its exterior shell giving it the capability of producing exact replicas of itself", "hearing tests", "strange veins", the constant capitalization of garden gnome), there just isn't really all that much to this.

for the most part it's a retread of SCP-871, and this article is surprisingly boring, considering how short it is. it introduces concepts and barely does anything with them. for example, the veins that come out of the gnome at one point could rapidly grow through the site, searching and searching for grass, until they find a patch outside the site and the gnome gets slingshot insanely fast through the hallways and out of the site. in this article, the veins instead cause some mild tripping hazards and then the authority fixes it.

lots of questions get raised and then never get answered, and not in the good mysterious way. this issue is especially prevalent in the discovery section: how did the authority acquire the camera recording? did nobody around notice the gnome was cloning itself before some dude caught it on camera? the article states that the cause of the gnome being attached the ground is unknown, but literally in the next sentence it explains why? how did the authority operatives know to keep the gnome to the patch of grass? what happened to all its clones? there's barely any logic to this!

i'm sorry but overall, it's a +1. and what specifically makes a garden gnome north american?


by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 26 Feb 2024 02:06
DoubleDenialDoubleDenial 26 Feb 2024 00:17
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-807

I sense that this constitutes a rather distasteful joke.

I don't see what you're picking up here that I'm not. It sounds to me like the opposite: an affirmation that the subject doesn't have a need to be "cured", or, more neutrally, that there's nothing the anomaly can realistically do. (I'd assume the latter, given the dryness of the whole thing.)

by DoubleDenialDoubleDenial, 26 Feb 2024 00:17

This is akin to a prolonged game of "turn the image into an anomaly", with the expected nonchalance and ineffectuality. Parts feel unorganized and contradictory, like how "none of the RPC-807-1 instances gathered within RPC-807 are anomalous" yet RPC-807-2 exists, or how RPC-807-2 is compromised by reacting with water but (in the article's own tacked-on words) "not affected by water within the human body".

The tone isn't disastrous, but doesn't feel as if it were proofread for smoothness. Certain parts are too informal, such as when examples of illnesses are listed. I really didn't need a definition for "laceration". In fact, a lot of this article uses that detestable "fancy word (regular definition)" format. It doesn't feel immersive, nor does it make me grateful for the definition; it leaves me disgruntled that the writer isn't dedicated enough to work around potential ambiguity and doesn't trust my intelligence to Google words. Also, if the researchers are rattling off percentages, they better have tested those compromised needles enough to provide them with certainty. (No, they shouldn't have; it kills people. Don't use percentages here!)

Unsurpisingly, the wall of short test logs isn't exactly riveting. As per norm with this sort of directionless progression, most of it is what was in the description. However, this is where the object's sometimes-overpowered nature becomes apparent. Though it can cure RPC-018 and RPC-510, which were clearly originally written to be almost untreatable, it can't cure cancer. Hooray for balancing?

Let's be real, having some limitations isn't going to make the unlimited health serum particularly reasonable. SCP having a pill that cured everything was fine, because it was in extremely short supply. Even a substantial activation cooldown, the most basic offset, would fix a lot of this article's logic. Think about it: much of this article's meat is owed to those classic test log anomalies where certain requests would be accepted or denied, but in those articles, the anomalies had costs or risks that made the denial of these requests sensible. There's really no reason Dr. S█████ shouldn't use RPC-807 to cure his cold. Why not hand RPC-807 to a cancer patient for an infinite supply of 807-2? They could even suspend their own cancer with regular use. These possibilities become apparent at a cursory perusal of the effects, and even without using your imagination, the holes in the article's own handling are readily apparent. It's simply ill-conceived.

The use of crosslinks is nice. I'd even argue they were handled… well? Besides the aforementioned power issues, anyway. It's certainly the most interesting part of the article, but make no mistake: this article is not on the level of those it uses to bolster itself. What's the intended appeal, anyway? Uplifting? Interesting? Funny? It's not much of anything at all. The guy getting the lollipop he hated might be the best part of the article.

2/5. The extra point is because I think it could be utilized effectively in stories by other writers, granted they take creative liberties to minimize its strange localized inconsistent power creep.

There were plans for another war that didn't have the Axis and Allies, mainly because of the glaring flaws within the article itself.

TTPYTTPY 25 Feb 2024 02:04
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Site-CN-005 [EN]

Original: Site-CN-005 by Brynhildr JulianskBrynhildr Juliansk
Translated by: TTPYTTPY

by TTPYTTPY, 25 Feb 2024 02:04
JuiceoverflowJuiceoverflow 21 Feb 2024 23:16
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-354

credit goes to u/oystercult88 for the artwork

The best thing about this signature is that by the time you're done reading it you'll have realized it doesn't mean anything.

by JuiceoverflowJuiceoverflow, 21 Feb 2024 23:16

Thoughts & Suggestions

FYI, I edited the Footnotes

Re: Its a Long Shot CRIT by Mr MakorMr Makor, 21 Feb 2024 05:36

3/10. It’s fine but boring.

You put a lot of work into this article. I can feel the research; if it were a guide, I’d say it's fine. I don’t give it a 3/10 because its poor, but because it’s overly dry and doesn’t do anything interesting with its premise. But it's not. It’s trying to be an article and contains fictional dialog snippets. What you have written is not bad. What’s wrong with the article is what’s missing there: There’s no story or intrigue. There’s no tension or anything very interesting. It’s extremely dry. I have seen mundane questions such as mining being explained and entertaining, but that’s the problem; I need to be entertained.

Outside of the logistics of the problem and the hard science (which is appreciated), there’s very little to latch onto. I ask you, as the author, Who will read this article and why? There are interesting tidbits to add to the article: The politics of mining, preventing pirate raids, which power groups influence mining, and the health and equipment of miners who work on these asteroids.

It could be that you wanted simply to inform the reader, but that’s the issue: I can’t tell your intent. While informative, it tries to describe the world and mention factions without committing to that side of the article.

Prose wise, holy Jesus, do you use WAY too many connector words. You need to cut the filler out of your sentences and BE SPECIFIC ABOUT YOUR SENTENCES SUBJECTS. So many words use “this” or “that,” which hinders your professional tone.

Otherwise, it's a rather inoffensive article. I’m sorry it took so long to review. I defer to your judgment on whether or not you should upload it as is or refine it.

Re: Asteroid Mining by televisionisttelevisionist, 20 Feb 2024 21:17
TTPYTTPY 20 Feb 2024 04:44
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-CN-460 [EN]

Original: RPC-CN-460 by Xiao TianXiao Tian
Translated by: TTPYTTPY, with additional help provided by JustinTrenchcoatJustinTrenchcoat

by TTPYTTPY, 20 Feb 2024 04:44

Minor criticisms out of the way:

A Selohssa burns an average of 230,550 calories over a 720 hour period.

How would anyone have figured this out? I don't think prisoners of war or neighboring empires would have known that unless they took a selohssa captive for experimentation, which probably should have been explained. Apart from that, I think the biology section is interesting and unique enough for them to feel odd and frightening.

They utilize this antimatter technology in their ships, their weapons platforms, and nearly every Soshi-aligned technology discovered thus far has relied on it some capacity.

Should say "on it to some capacity."

it is believed to have been formed accidentally as a biproduct of the rapid expansion of their wormhole network.

Spelled byproduct.

The entire time well concept, like H F Dummie said, is overall pretty confusing and gets a bit hard to read at points. I think it should be simplified or explained better, as the concept is still interesting on its own.

As wormholes connect not just two points in space but two points in time, it would possible

Should be "it would be possible"

Their technological superiority to almost all races in our shared region of space, coupled with older civilizations literally having records of Selohssa presence in a region far beyond their current homeworld, corroborate these theories.

I thought it was odd that the word literally was used here.

Overall, this article feels very bloated, and the Soshi are given too much known information despite the initial claims that not much is really known about them. The article also does switch a lot between a formal and informal tone, and there are many times where it switches from calling them Soshi and Selohssa a lot of times in a single paragraph. I think the article needs to be cut down to it's most interesting parts, which in my opinion would be highlighting them as an aggressive and hyper advanced species who don't really care about the wellbeing of any other due to their own past as an oppressed species, which I think the article does well. As it is, 3/5, though I do think it could be a 4-5 star after revisions are made.

The best thing about this signature is that by the time you're done reading it you'll have realized it doesn't mean anything.

Originally, this was a collab I did alongside Snowy for the New Frontier event. Sadly, we didn't complete the article in time for the deadline, and it ended up getting abandoned and sat on the backburner for around 2 years. I tried to come back to salvage the concept sometime around 2022, but ultimately gave up. And then I tried again a few weeks ago, and this time I was actually able to finish the draft.

I took some inspiration from RPC-435 since it contained a hidden link at the end of the page that led to an older version of the article. I eventually decided that I was going to make 3 different revisions of the same article across 3 different time periods of the Authority

The different revisions weren't originally apart of the collab, I had the idea after I came back to finish the draft for the third time.

Okay please crit this took me so long 😭

8ismo8ismo 17 Feb 2024 10:17
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-664

I'll be agreeing with Double in the post above - it's a neat idea, and I like the effort making or using the poster for the sake of the article, but it also feels like there was not much expansion of the concept. Pretty much everything you need to know about it is in the description, or even just the poster and reading the rest of it doesn't pay off as nothing new is revealed and the writing quality isn't good enough to warrant it. I'm nitpicking with thinking how the journalist could have written the warning without the worms simply taking over and deleting it, but it's the result of the rest of the anomaly not being developed enough.

by 8ismo8ismo, 17 Feb 2024 10:17

Two stars. Here's some snipits from my doc crit to prove I made it.

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