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theguy9912theguy9912 25 Sep 2023 05:10
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-236

This whole article felt more like reading a fanfiction than an RPC document. There are also many things that irked me, such as seeing "transgient" throughout without elaboration on its meaning, interview logs that end abruptly and where the characters talk in a way that makes me cringe, and some drawing hidden at the end for some reason? There is also no hint as to where these beings even come from in the first place? Had to keep forcing myself to read through all of this.

Its also strange that the first thing that is mentioned about the anatomy of the anomaly is about their reproductive systems such as

transigent researchers have described a species of androgynous humanoids, showing no discernible genitalia or mammary glands,

and the first collapsible in the description. I don't think the first thing we need to know about this fetish potentially very dangerous threat to normalcy is how it fucks. Honestly I don't know what I could say to make this RPC better.

I'll give it one thing, its impressive that it was all done with just one hand. 1 star.

by theguy9912theguy9912, 25 Sep 2023 05:10

Thank you so much for the crit. I'm going to make separate biology sections on Thrashers and Ectypes and expand on their background to make it more clear- this has been very helpful.


Re: GRPC Alien Report: Ectypes by MF_TOMBMF_TOMB, 24 Sep 2023 20:59
AbbefalkonAbbefalkon 24 Sep 2023 09:52
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-224

Cool idea, meant to introduce the academy. Just wish it went through more polish, like fixing the clinical tone and grammatical issues. Additionally, there are some plot holes. How do reflection bend the observer, and not the reflective surface? How does a blindfold stop the effect, without getting warped itself?


by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 24 Sep 2023 09:52





Final Thoughts

Overall, I think this is on the right track, but it needs some work. After reading this, I’m confused about what the Ectypes actually are. Are they some sort of alien, or are they Torrent Schuyl and his followers? It doesn’t really seem consistent on how that works, and that really hurts the article. The biology/psychology seems to suggest they’re wholly alien, but the history implies Schuyl turned himself into one by possessing the corpse (and that the corpse was the ectype rather than a “thrasher”). So there’s a bit of disconnect between the two. Also, I’m assuming there are actual, physical ectypes somewhere, which sort of body swap into the dead bodies, but I think that could be made a bit clearer and expand on it a bit. As it is it doesn’t seem clear what the difference between the thrashers and the ectypes themselves are.

For the record, I didn’t bother reviewing the little prose part before the actual article because I wasn’t certain if it was meant to be part of the article or something you were planning to expand as some kind of follow-up for later. If it is meant to be part of the article, I’m not really sure it adds anything though it is well-written, but that’s really more of a nitpick.

Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!

theguy9912theguy9912 22 Sep 2023 01:51
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-235

Man, I had a concept idea that is the same as this RPC! This was an all around good short one with a spooky interview log.

I just wish there was more focus on how each instance of RPC-235 behaves since the closest we get to that is "with all instances suffering from various degrees of physical or psychological trauma" which isn't elaborated upon. Maybe a sort of social structure similar to the now old deleted version of RPC-230.

We had originally flagged you as likely being associated with a previously known Group of Interest,

Which GoI? Is "Mother" a group of interest?

4 stars.

by theguy9912theguy9912, 22 Sep 2023 01:51
DoubleDenialDoubleDenial 22 Sep 2023 00:56
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-893

Not much has changed since I reviewed the draft, so I maintain most of my original criticisms. The anomaly is somewhat interesting, but the history is completely dull. The ending is an alright stinger but has little use in such an uneventful article. Overall, it's a rather joyless story.

The description is annoying with the constant repetition of scientific names. To be honest, I'm a bit peeved that hasn't been addressed after my crit, because it's such a simple change to implement. The lack of pictures or any kind of visual media is also a big disappointment.

I'll give it a 3/5 out of the benefit of the doubt for being new, but the more I think about it, the less I care to keep this article. I may lower my score at some point in the future.

by DoubleDenialDoubleDenial, 22 Sep 2023 00:56
AbbefalkonAbbefalkon 21 Sep 2023 13:44
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-893

There are some grammatical issues which I'm surprised got past the critiquing phase. And, not much more than that. I guess the description manages to make me a bit intrigued, but the fact that I had to force myself to finish reading proves that the article lacks a good hook. Furthermore, nothing really happens. Consequently, the reader is left with a neutral expression, no emotion. In other words, the article is very lukewarm.


by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 21 Sep 2023 13:44
RaggabrashRaggabrash 21 Sep 2023 03:34
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » A Forest That Hates

Overall, not bad, and definitely improved from the draft I read. Really liked the twist of 819 being the narrator. I think I would give this a 3.5/5 If I could, mostly because it feels just a tad rushed and could have benefited from another read through (I fixed a lot of little grammar issues, particularly some its/it's confusion), but I'll give it a 4/5 for now.

Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!

by RaggabrashRaggabrash, 21 Sep 2023 03:34
theguy9912theguy9912 20 Sep 2023 01:24
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-234

Not a lot for me to say on this one. It was creepy and pretty cool throughout. I especially was into the audio transcript the most.

Although a couple of things. The LO feels completely out of place in the article with no reason as to how it ended up being used for this anomaly. It also feels weird that the clearance levels for each collapsible only shows after they are opened up.

Not the best thing for me, but yeah! Nice! 4 stars.

by theguy9912theguy9912, 20 Sep 2023 01:24

Hey here's a new RPC in the works hope you like it. and if you have any issues with it let me know


Freakshow Fighting by taurusian 99924taurusian 99924, 19 Sep 2023 17:20
AbbefalkonAbbefalkon 19 Sep 2023 15:09
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-419

From barely coherent ramblings, to a solid story spanning a multitude of themes. You really turned to boat around on this one!


by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 19 Sep 2023 15:09
MF_TOMBMF_TOMB 19 Sep 2023 14:22
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-429

this gets unexpectedly spooky near the end which is awfully hard to do! five stars


by MF_TOMBMF_TOMB, 19 Sep 2023 14:22

Hazard Types: [List hazards]

hazards are gonna be Sapient, Organic

Every month, ten RPC agents disguised as hikers will be deployed to RPC-XXX's territory to reaffirm negotiated deal and uphold Authority rapport. These ten agents must be fluent in Old Norse and learned in Nordic customs. Only one new member can be added to the negotiation team annually to maintain contact consistency for RPC-XXX.

Ten seems excessive but otherwise this is great stuff boss!

(paragraph break here) If, at any point, RPC-XXX breaks its agreement with the Authority,

Put a paragraph break there. Don't need the first two commas

…MST Charlie-9 "Countryside Hypocrites" will be deployed to the surrounding area via helicopter prefitted with a church bell, which will patrol the perimeter of containment. ASF teams must activate the loudspeakers placed along the path of the anomaly, which will play the sounds of thunder in steadily increasing volume. Should audio deterrence be ineffective in returning RPC-XXX to its origin, FI-50 Protectorate teams will be on standby with a Type-2 Aerial Firefighter carrying 300 gallons of holy water which will be distributed over the area for neutralization of the anomaly.

im a protectorate shill sorry but it fits so well

The demonstration of good behavior by RPC-XXX as per its agreement (including but not limited to: not stealing livestock, remaining within his 'sanctuary,' and refraining from killing civilians) will permit a 'Midsummer Celebration', with lamb, goat, and mead made readily available.

(paragraph break) During festivities, RPC personnel must refrain from mentioning any Christian idioms. While discussing other Abrahamic faiths is permissible, long-term religious discussions are not advised. Personnel may not interrupt or disrespect RPC-XXX's religious beliefs or practices.

RPC-XXX is a humanoid organism standing at 15m tall, whose dermis consists of a mixture of sandstone and limestone. All hair on their body is comprised of sphagnum and peat moss, in addition to local varieties of grass and straw. Despite the anomaly's efforts of cleaning itself, clusters of mycelium grow along its back. RPC-XXX possesses unnatural speed for its size, recorded at a top speed of 40.2 kph and while its full strength is unrecorded, the entity has uprooted large trees and launched vehicles with apparent ease.

you forgot to say where its from in the description!

RPC-XXX identifies as Gunnar, referred to as a Jötunn, a mythological species of local folklore also known as a Troll. While unable to communicate beyond basic phrases in English, the anomaly is fluent in Old Norse.

(para break) RPC-XXX appears to suffer from isolation-related depression which is only temporarily mitigated by contact with humans. In past interviews, the entity has remarked that it "wished there were other Jötunn to keep [it] company." Despite an expressed dislike for mankind, it is agreeable to personnel it is familiar with.##

While Gunnar usually avoids his territory by blending into his rocky surroundingsGunnar usually avoids non-RPC personnel in RPC-XXX's territoryGunnar usually avoids non-RPC personnel in RPC-XXX's territory, hunters who track him down, or illegal mining operations in his caves tend to go missing. Gunnar has expressed that he no longer harms hikers because RPCs goat and lamb rewards taste better.

dont need this paragraph

Investigations into RPC-XXX's existence began after a string of hikers went missing disappearances during in the Long Range Mountains. This spike in missing persons would rise and fall, coinciding with the coming and going of summer. Coincidently, during the winter, an unexplained rise in the disappearances of hitchhikers, hikers, and hermits would occur in central Newfoundland. These incidents would peak on December 3, 1972, when the citizens of Buchans, Newfoundland, reported a string of missing pets. In addition, a food truck heading out of town was found wrecked by the side of the road. All food contents in the cargo bed, and the driver were found missing.

this is really rough, i'll rewrite it here:

Starting in 1964, the isle of Newfoundland1 experienced a consistent spike in disappearances in proximity to the Long Range Mountains over the summer, coinciding with disappearances in the forests of central Newfoundland during the winter. While initially attributed to non-anomalous factors, citizens also reported missing pets and sharp declines in local moose populations during the changing of seasons. This activity peaked in 1972 as a truck hauling food and other goods was toppled and looted on the road leading to the town of Buchans, whose driver was subsequently never found.

You never say how they find it… I'll write something

Local law enforcement discerned that the pattern was reminiscent of migratory behavior in certain species of animals, and after determining the "route" likely taken by the perpetrator(s), attempted to intercept it under the assumption it may be a pack of predatory wildlife. On August 3rd, 1972, a report brought to the Authority's attention described how four police officers patrolling this predicted route encountered a "massive bear" that assaulted several officers with a "log or some sort of club" before they fled via car.

MST Charlie-9 "Countryside Hypocrites" began coverup and containment operations in cooperation with a local Research team who believed the anomaly may be mythological in nature. Dr. X, a resident linguist of site XXX…

im so eepy ill finish later


Re: Contest Submission by MF_TOMBMF_TOMB, 18 Sep 2023 03:46

The premise is simple: "Kids go missing. We know where. How badly can they fuck it up?"

A partial collab with Jamiroquai777Jamiroquai777. Crit thread is linked here. Thank you to MF_TOMBMF_TOMB, RaggabrashRaggabrash, DoubleDenialDoubleDenial, and especially AbbefalkonAbbefalkon for giving their feedback. The crit thread is linked here. We hope the wait was worth it.

This is my submission for the event, with a very large amount of help from Red, I definitely wouldn't have been able to finish this without him.

Contest Submission by Ginoong DahonGinoong Dahon, 18 Sep 2023 03:32
TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69 17 Sep 2023 15:35
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-429

Incredible piece and amazing new addition to OI! I really loved this article and how well the forum discussion was written, and the transition from comedy to dread at the second half of it. Keep up the good work!

by TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69, 17 Sep 2023 15:35

now this, this is some delicious worldbuilding. +5


by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 17 Sep 2023 13:53
by AbbefalkonAbbefalkon, 17 Sep 2023 13:12

crit thread

last minute entry for missing rpc
this article is the complete tonal opposite of the they might be giants song its title comes from and has nothing to do with the lyrics
thank you to TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69, RaggabrashRaggabrash, and MF_TOMBMF_TOMB for taking a look at this on the forums, also Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster for reading the draft


theguy9912theguy9912 17 Sep 2023 01:12
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-233

It has been confirmed that the source of RPC-233's cognitive effect lies within these sub-harmonic tones, though unlike previous tests, it seems that the effect of looking for the source of the sound only applies when the rest of the audio is accompanying it. Further research shall be carried out to determine the specifics of this effect. Re-classification to Neutralized has been approved.

That's not how Neutralized works.

In general, an ok piece, but the idea could have led to something much more compelling. The researchers are focused on figuring out the specifics of the sound when I think it would have been much better for them to play this on somebody and just let them go to where they think the source of the recording comes from.

Maybe involving the USOC in this or something could also make it more interesting, although this was probably written before that was a thing.

Just a standard conspiracy without big mystery. 3 stars.

by theguy9912theguy9912, 17 Sep 2023 01:12
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