http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/new-life
Had been writing this on and off for a year now.
Recent Forum Posts
This is nice. Food anomalies would benefit from a dedicated site for sure, and this entry can inspire contributing to the theme. There is a missed opportunity to document CSD personnel culinary training and precautions as shown/implied in 627, whether for testing or to feed their fellow CSD as done in actual prisons.
I would mention examples for food anomalies to add to this list, such as 941 or 298, but they are already documented in other sites. What I'm not sure of is if the sites the authors picked were arbitrary or not. Maybe worth asking them?
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/site-036-thingie
Blarin told me the length of the article was okay, so I won't really be expanding the concept out more. I am mainly looking for grammatical corrections.
Deserves to be in a library. :thumbsup:
A bit of a generic concept, but it is my first EVER attempt at making an actually hostile entity. So this is very much of a tip-toe into the actual horror pool.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/that-red-smile-from-the-hallway
The image's source was created by nele2012, it can be found here: https://www.deviantart.com/nele2012/art/Creepy-And-Disturbing-Images-9-1040443560
Draft 1
RPC-XXX Is to be contained according to Site-308's standard containment protocol for unharmful contagious pathogen of anomalous nature.
Change to:
RPC-XXX Is to be contained in accordance to Site-308's standard containment protocol for non-harmful contagious pathogens of anomalous nature.
Infected personnel in awaiting treatment in a quarantine room are only to be released if no sign towards a desire to steal is shown.
Change to:
Infected personnel awaiting treatment in a quarantine room are only to be released if no sign towards a desire to steal is shown.
Attached File - Site-308 Standard Containment Protocol #02: Unharmful Contagious Pathogen of Anomalous Nature
Change to:
Attached File - Site-308 Standard Containment Protocol #02: Non-harmful Contagious Pathogen of Anomalous Nature
RPC-XXX is a microscopic organism closely resembling bacteria.
Crit Note: This sentence is too vague. What type of bacteria? In what way does it resemble bacteria?
The bacteria will consume…
Crit Note: Here you call the anomaly a bacteria when only a few sentences ago you said it only resembles a bacteria.
Draft 2
Attached: CALL FOR HELP
Crit Note: Nothing bad in this log i just really like this interaction for some reason.
Apparently I did take Maisie's sausage…
Change to:
Apparently, I did take Maisie's sausage
Here's the port, obviously, studying stuff this tiny that's switching planes more than Claudette switches outfits ain't very easy (see image).
Crit Note: I think you should be more clinical in your tone here.
Don't worry, I've already wrote a description devoid of restricted knowledge and sent it to Site-308-EX. Now you might be wondering how all this even began happening, the best answer I can muster is: We got very unlucky. I'll tell you a story, and you tell me just how much of it you choose believe.
Crit Note: Again, you need more of a clinical tone here.
Crit Thoughts: Overall for the final draft I think you should rephrase certain things to have more of a clinical tone.
Overall I think outside of what Mr Markor has already said, I think this is a good article. I don't know if it was intentional on your part to make it a short read but this works to the detriment of the draft. I think you should add a bit more meat onto the bones of this draft so it can be ready for release. I suggest logs that show examples of 516 that have been archived. It'd also be funny to end the article with the document being signed by a made up department created by 516, but that's just me. Overall it's a solid draft, but it's just way too short and can use some meat on its bones.
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Archived Drafts » Dusk's Halloween Entity - "Faburikkugōsuto"
Reuploaded for the author, RotaFortunae, by staff.
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Ideas & Brainstorming » Draft Brainstorming - New Life
Brainstorming:
Your idea of having Plamer become infected is interesting, but somewhat out of tone with the rest of the article. The anomaly is a lump of flesh that creates look alike versions of whatever looks at it. Having it suddenly start infecting people with a parasite comes out of left field.
Granted, you could certainly take it in that direction, but you would have to set up the anomaly's ability to do that.
Alternatively, you could have anyone that looks at it become obsessed with it. The longer you look at it, the more obsessed you get. Perhaps they are compelled to look at it again? It could be an interesting idea.
If set up correctly, you can use this as a plot line for a containment breach. Perhaps the wrong person looks at it a bit too long and starts trying to break it out.
A final idea would be to really lean into the whole dobble-ganger thing. Perhaps each instance gets more and more detailed. Closer and closer to the real thing, until they become indistinguishable. Each of these instances might just want to exist, or maybe they're working to break the actual anomaly out. Or maybe it's the latter, but they pretend it's the former?
It could be interesting to see the Authority try to deal with the fakers and adapt to the anomaly, as it tries to adapt to them to get out.
Writing Crit:
The entrance is to be guarded by two ASF personnel at all times.
Weekly inspections and maintenance of the chamber's exterior is are to be carried out by 2C clearance maintenance staff, End sentence and The interior is to be cleaned cleaned bi-weekly and after testing.
Extraneous excess is to be incinerated.
This sentence has great potential to hook the reader in, but as worded it is just confusing. It's not clear what exactly is being incinerated. If the sentence was something like "Extraneous flesh is to be incinerated." the reader now knows an interesting bit of information about the anomaly. It helps keep the reader's interest.
In case of complete de-manifestation of RPC-838, MST Delta-1 ("The Keepers") is to be dispatched to regions with ecosystems noted to be experiencing a decline in sentient life.
RPC-838-1 instances are to be contained in 3×3×3 standard containment units each.
Missing units. 3x3x3 what?
First paragraph of the description is good.
RPC-838 10-20 days under its inactive state, in which case will actively seek direct sentient observation.
Sentence structure should be stronger
RPC-838 will actively seek direct sentient observation if it has been in an inactive state for longer than 10-20 days.
In this state, RPC-838 pulsates at a heightened frequency, records ranging from 80 to █00 bpm. The rate of 838's de-manifestation exponentially increases the longer 838 is observed.
Bit of a jarring jump in subject matter. Doesn't feel like you're done talking about its heightened state. More detail should be added to this. Does it just pulsate faster? Does it try to break out? If so, how? Does it try to attract people somehow? There's a lot you could add to this.
To note, is a spike in Kabushiki Kawaii activity in forests across the world. The reason for which is currently under investigation.
Not correct. Needs to be reworded
To note, is a spike in Kabushiki Kawaii activity in forests has been observed across the world. The reason for which is currently under investigation.
CSD instructed to observe RPC-838 for 10 minutes. RPC-838-S12 is put in a 1×1m standard containment cell with a window open in 838's direction to observe it for 10 minutes.
Results: RPC-838-S-15. Demanifestion rate: 9m3/s. No traces of the observing RPC-838-S-4 are found on the resultant instance. Instance 13 was of notably tangible design than that of instance 12.
The S instances are all over the place, making it difficult to follow along with the experiment. Needs to be in numerical order.
Procedure: CSD CSD-21454 is worn to wear a blindfold and instructed to approach 838end sentence CSD-21454 is to tie its appendage shut with the rope, then remove the blindfold and observe 838. ACS chamber calibrated to level 3.
Afterword: After 2 months, 838-S30 has grown to highly resemble the CSDs' offspring, 14 year old son Llewellyn █████████ in appearance and behavior.
Final Thoughts:
A very interesting concept with some good visuals and formatting. The writing could be tighter in some areas, but overall is good and in line with the research article type tone needed for articles like this.
Improvements to be done are refining the concept, developing a sort of "story" throughout the article (which you've already started to do) and tightening up the grammar and sentence structure.
Overall, a very good draft.
Well done
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Ideas & Brainstorming » Draft Brainstorming - New Life
So I have been writing this concept for about a year now on and off. As the writing stands now it's alright, but unfinished. I intend to have Palmer be infected by a microscopic sample of the rpc on his eye, which integrates into him after 9 days. This is revealed later after the incident. It slowly grows within him till he becomes a hybrid instance.
I can branch this off to a containment breach log, but I don't know how to make it worthwhile. Including S30 in the breach is something I see both potential and difficulty writing.
I intend to demonstrate the psychotronic property on palmer, something invading the unconscious of the instances to obsess over the RPC's nature. This can be demonstrated by a supplemental document, whereas we see his notes and sketches firsthand till they become unintelligible.
I don't have much experience and this maybe sheepish to do, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on these ideas, if you have better ones to add.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/new-life
tone and writing crit welcome too, but not the priority.
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » The Framework of Thaumaturgy
This really reads a lot like a Union document. Especially how Joseph was recruited.
With regards to mythology, this was better executed than 656. It also bears a more interesting narrative.
However, I do feel there might be a disconnect between the article's attempt at presenting the mythological themes versus the practices of the cult.
It might be me not reading into this far enough, but the the backstory of the gods is told through visions, scriptures and anomalies, and not through rituals. That is perfectly fine, 747 does this as well. However, here, there is an insistence on characterizing the cult, and having the moments where their members get the spotlight serving simply the purpose of shocking imagery creates this disconnect between themes. For example: I cannot understand the purpose of the horse ritual, despite giving it a few quick google searches, I found no leads to latch on to regarding the Hindu pantheon. This makes me suspect that it is an innovation of the author, which is fine, but contributes to the disconnect. I think this article would be better if the cult's characterization and the communication of mythology/lore both in-universe and out were more interwoven.
4/5
Reread this with more knowledge about nihil. I can now confidently say that the above is completely false.
It is written extraordinarily well, and any worthwhile inquiries about how the anomaly works are answered in the journal.
Only part I found meh would be the very beginning of the journal, when he predicts his own descent. I get why it's there, but it is slightly awkward to read. That is nothing if not a nitpick, though.
5/5
Article is written, as Buttomber says, very well and is clear. While I am used to more subtlety in Nihil articles, I do not believe it would have worked very well in this story.
The narrative barely has anything to do with nihil other than namedrops and to skip the need for exposition. The substance is in Park and Oh, not in the pantheon or symbolism like 052 or 311. Therefore, further limiting their presence using subtle writing would call into question their mention.
I started laughing after realizing the point of the last log in the second collapsible. That got it past a 4
5/5
I reread this on a whim, and I think it deserves the award for the trashiest -J article on the entire wiki. It's kind of brilliant. Unlike, say, RPC-404-J which has aged surprisingly well as a joke about light themes in general or RPC-807-J which is quick and has some pretense as an actual anomaly, there is no guise here. I would be gobsmacked if an uninformed reader could come up with any other conclusion about this than what it actually meant. And it's not even a pressing matter to the average reader!
These people, whom I had never personally harmed or gone after in any major fashion, with a few minor or major exceptions, I will admit, were trying to contain me over, that on various occasions over the last few decades, I had repeatedly done major collateral damage to the the RPC Authority's sites. Several fully grown intelligent scientists, attacking and assaulting a Young Elder God.
This quote is genuinely funny, though.
I don't feel like touching my 1/5 vote, but this article is a touching piece of unbridled author expression, and I'm happy for it.
I like a lot about this. The images and descriptions, the anxious interactions between Luikj and 015-4 and the longing to explore beyond his confined space. I like to wonder what 015-4 did afterwards, did it attempt to establish a world within 015 itself? Is he a prisoner? The ambiguity in closing access to the anomaly is a good example of omission, which has me positively wonder rather than there lacking something to be desired.
Although how Paris was brought up was awkward, but I suppose it does hold weight to his the Doc's discharge.
I agree that the rambling on this bring it down. It was actually quite a slog too since I'm not familiar enough with Children of Nihil lore. May as well do my due diligence and read the hub while I'm at it.
It has a lot more potential. The article leaves a lot up to the imagination, maybe even too much. The problem is that hindu mythology is not as well known as other mythos, so trying to make the connections (the part I find most enjoyable about articles such as this) here is less satisfying for the reader. It might be worth caving in and being a bit more clear.
Oscar's little bit of personal conflict could also have been expanded upon. I get that you don't want to make his personal notes too obvious, but seeing as his back story isn't really hinted too anywhere else, he kinda just feels like a nutjob.
3/5
This is interpretation of the engineer is kinda meh. There is little intrigue, little mystery. It's actually, in a way I can't really describe, substance-less. The anomaly itself is so bland in relation to what it is trying to represent, and that can be seen on how a good portion of this article focuses primarily on the Lupin's downfall.
Speaking of, the execution of that wasn't particularly great either. The captains log invoke minimal emotion, and are boring to read through. The conversion of the crew members was also too fast, giving the reader no time to care about them. It feels like every segment of that story was just the author going through the steps to the end, making the path to get there a slog.
1/5