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Good luck on your team's endeavour, hope that the RU branch will prosper.

Re: Hello everyone. by TTPYTTPY, 26 Jul 2021 11:01
air cannon
terminalharoldterminalharold 26 Jul 2021 05:41
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » air cannon

any criticisms are appreciated

air cannon by terminalharoldterminalharold, 26 Jul 2021 05:41

This article is interesting, but I feel it's not developed enough yet. My thought as a reader is did Cid Craigs have any reciprocal feelings for the mermaid? Clearly not if he reported the glass jar to authorities, but then why was the mermaid sending him these constantly? I don't get how this relationship started.

It's bizarre that if Cid Craigs didn't like the mermaid, and he was willing to report the glass jar anomaly, that he didn't also report the death of the other yacht-mates. This article really could use an interview log with Cid and an Authority agent to get to the bottom of this mystery.

As far as the concept, I don't quite get why this anomaly is doing what it's doing. Why is the mermaid sending random sea items through the glass jar to Cid? Why a glass jar of all things instead of like a conch shell or something? Why does she like Cid out of all the crewmates, was she just not hungry anymore?

On some minor notes, would the mermaid really not have any experience eating shellfish considering she lives in the ocean? Seems kind of strange to me. It's suggested she likes Cid because he's attractive, but I'm not really feeling that because we're told nothing about Cid's complexion or anything that would make him more attractive than just some average dude.

There's this strange dynamic in the logs where the mermaid wants to see Cid again, but is also saying in the messages that she does not want to scare him again. I kind of see what you're going for, like she's obviously indecisive and torn by this unrequited love, but it's not that coherent at the moment. My suggestion is to just develop these ideas you have in the draft some more. There's an engaging mystery at the center of this narrative, but it's just not brought out yet in the current draft.

Re: Siren in a Jar by SovereignAuthoritySovereignAuthority, 26 Jul 2021 05:16
House OperaHouse Opera 26 Jul 2021 05:01
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-464

The imagery was really good and really gross, but this piece definitely feels like it's missing something.

Maybe I need to dig into the rest of whatever Omega Iota is, but for now, this is a 3/5 from me.

3/5 by House OperaHouse Opera, 26 Jul 2021 05:01

3/5 overall

4/5 premise. Not original. However it is looking cosmic horror in the face via math. There is potential.
2/5 delivery. Under delivers. The pharmaceutical lore that is supposed to tie in is not clear. That it only became clear by reading the author's notes in this thread drags the piece down.
3/5 grammar. "Had me in the first Half" The lecture was a pleasure to read but it lacked payoff. The letter feels forced and the payoff is office politics.

by 5150wned5150wned, 26 Jul 2021 01:55
Re: Hello!
High GammaHigh Gamma 25 Jul 2021 23:33
in discussion General Discussion / Off-Topic » Hello!

Hey kid, we have our own gimmick on "containment fiction" as they call it, I hope you like it! Just start writting and we'll guide you through this magnificent website

Re: Hello! by High GammaHigh Gamma, 25 Jul 2021 23:33
MandranMandran 25 Jul 2021 19:17
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-588

iconic fomat of object does thing and expanded expirmentaion logs 5+

by MandranMandran, 25 Jul 2021 19:17
Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster 25 Jul 2021 19:08
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-555

I don't think this is worth all the 1 stars it got, however I will agree that this is a rather bland article. A bunch of High Level security warnings just for some vague messages that nobody would understand regardless of clearance level. Perhaps they make more sense if you are high level personnel like a Global Director, but out of universe, the reader can't really get too much from them. They are essentially substanceles messages, ending with a lame redaction. Who are these people messaging the Authority and why should we care aside from it being in a cultural landmark? For all we know it could just be someone messing with them for the heck of it. 2/5

by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 25 Jul 2021 19:08
5150wned5150wned 25 Jul 2021 16:42
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-361

3/5 overall

4/5 premise. Neat monster.
3/5 delivery. Good narrative tale, poor article. Would do better as a containment document with links to separate tale(s).
4/5 grammar. Bogs down at points.

by 5150wned5150wned, 25 Jul 2021 16:42
5150wned5150wned 25 Jul 2021 16:24
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-847

4/5 overall.

3/5 premise. Real life unsolved event. Fair enough.
5/5 delivery. Good tone, good payoff. Well done.
5/5 grammar. Excellent mechanics.

by 5150wned5150wned, 25 Jul 2021 16:24
5150wned5150wned 25 Jul 2021 15:42
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-376

2/5 overall

5/5 premise. Original and creepy.
2/5 delivery. It gains superpowers through the article. The writing lacks tone and organization.
1/5 grammar. There are legit incomplete sentences and incorrect grammar.

This thing is too cool to deserve the amateur writing of the article itself. No insult intended but this level of writing needs improvement.

by 5150wned5150wned, 25 Jul 2021 15:42
5150wned5150wned 25 Jul 2021 15:22
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-397

3/5 overall

4/5 premise. Not original, but meat and potaoes always satisfied me.
3/5 delivery. Could be 4/5 but an exploded stomach will definitely kill a victim, no exception. That is unless the anomaly somehow keeps the victim alive sometimes so they can bore into the brain. But that isn't implied by the article itself.
4/5 grammar. I think your word choice improved with crit.

by 5150wned5150wned, 25 Jul 2021 15:22
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:41
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-419

Gruesome, gross, and great. Very disturbing, mysterious, and explicit, which is what containment fiction is (sometimes) all about (in my opinion).

5 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:41
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:40
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-114

Not a bad article, but not a good article either. A short article can be good but in this case, the article sorta meanders around before falling flat, a lot like the anomaly it describes. Concepts such as the Authority literally starving it aren't explored enough, nor is the anomaly's abilities really explained. Would rate it lower, but I did enjoy it in the end.

3 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:40
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:34
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-456

Simple, succinct, and to the point. Manages to make a solid article in a handful of paragraphs. Couldn't ask for more, besides more substance, which would make this an easy 5.

On second thought, no. Adding more goes against the flow of the article, and the argument that 456 lacks a point, or that you can't see the point, falls flat on the fact that an article doesn't need a "point". The coherency stapler that makes a McDonald's monster has no real message or theme, but it's still a fun read. This article has a theme, carries it efficiently, and is a fun read. Adding more would slow it down.

4 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:34

Beyond being just a fun read, this article is interesting and informative enough to make it practically a necessary read for anyone who wants to involve Prolab in any capacity, as it makes the Prolab itself a character, which I think is hard to do.

Besides that, you misspell "commission" each time it appears, so I'd check that out too.

5 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:32
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:29
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-416

This RPC somehow balances length with interest, and paces itself perfectly, with nuggets of worldbuilding throughout to keep the reader reading. I have no complaints, but the log descriping Vladimir's first appearance goes a bit too far beyond silly and into a little cringy. Other than that, great work.

5 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:29
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:26
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-666

So beyond the fact that "Beast of No Nation" sounds like a legendary metal album, I can't say much that hasn't already been said, but I think I will anyway.

5 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:26
BetterMyButterBetterMyButter 24 Jul 2021 23:19
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-922

Normally, this would warrant a 5, but I feel like there's a few things holding this back that could, if improved, even just a little bit, would make it so much better overall.

And that's about it.

4 by BetterMyButterBetterMyButter, 24 Jul 2021 23:19

At the moment I am trying to create a ru branch of rpc. But due to the fact that there are only two of us, the work is slow. If there are Russian-speaking people here who are ready to help, please write to me

Hello everyone. by victor6676victor6676, 24 Jul 2021 16:16
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