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The xxxx bit was intentional.

Everything else has been fixed.

I already left my review on the draft, so I will just add anything else that must be mentioned.

In the incident report, you wrote "RPC-580, RPC-58" instead of "RPC-580, RPC-580-1"

Incident Report: 580.02, there is a column filled with nothing but xxxx.

In the "EVENTS TRANSPIRED" section, you write the numbers in (brackets). Normally, you would also write the said number as a word.

Example: one (1) of the Malthusians makes physical contact with RPC-580, causing RPC-580-1 to manifest and re-engage the Malthusians.

KaiserXIKaiserXI 01 Mar 2021 15:07
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-099

Moon worms in SPAAAAACE!

by KaiserXIKaiserXI, 01 Mar 2021 15:07

I am really surpised how such a simple thing could evoke so much fear in me as a reader.

Sure. The effect CAN be contained by just playing with the toy, but what if you forget it or the item becomes lost? What if RPC-013 one day just thinks: "You know what would REALLY invoke stress in the users? Their sun suddently transforming into a red giant!"

Good Article. by The Son of ManThe Son of Man, 01 Mar 2021 13:04
Crit by ExcerExcer, 01 Mar 2021 09:15

Hello! I just joined the site and I’d like to get some feedback on my idea before I write it up in the sandbox.

It’s an earpiece that works as a universal translator. The longer a person wears it, the more it translates. It starts off translating all human languages. Then it decodes made-up languages, such as Klingon, Quenya, and a simple conlang that researchers make up specifically to test it. After that, the wearer can hear the meaning behind the cries of animals, followed by the ability to read the thoughts and intentions of the people around them as it translates body language on a level no human could manage.

Finally, the wearer will begin to hear screams of agony whenever they move. The molecules of the carpet will beg them not to step on it. The molecules of the doorknob will beg them not to grab it. They will hear that whenever any human or animal touches anything (and, to a lesser extent, breathes or simply stands there), they are causing incredible pain to the world around them.

Researcher Brett Thompson is the one who wears the earpiece during the test. At first, he tries to cause as little pain as possible, staying still for hours. But as the human needs to drink, eat, use the restroom, and sleep grow in urgency, he eventually decides to take off the translator. He recommends a high restriction level.

AlmardukAlmarduk 01 Mar 2021 02:53
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-416

One of the most admirable expressions of your writing style. Truly something to behold — great job. +5

by AlmardukAlmarduk, 01 Mar 2021 02:53
TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69 01 Mar 2021 02:47
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-416

Crit Thread:

The first image was made by Jokzm, the picture from "Bones and Dust" was edited from a free image by Johnny Green Face. All other images were taken from CCSearch or Wikimedia Commons.

Nothing is certain except death and taxes, although one more than the other

by TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69, 01 Mar 2021 02:47

First RPC I've made!

Here's the crits.

I hope y'all enjoy, please post feedback here.

Re: Excer-7
Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster 01 Mar 2021 00:07
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Excer-7

you are under the permanent custody of the RPC Authority.

Personally I am not a fan of an interviewer just giving away the authorities name like this. I'd rather the authority just say something along the lines of "that is your designation while you are in custody"

you've missed roughly 124 years of the world.

This sentence feels a little weird to read. I'd correct it as such "you've missed roughly 124 years of history."

raises his voice.

Remove the period as it breaks up the sentence flow and action.

Church of Malthus.

Remove the period here to create consistency as the other boxes do not have periods at the end

was advised to evacuate

were advised to evacuate

summarily ripped apart by

"ripped apart" feels extremely informal. Perhaps dismemberd would be more fitting here.

Security Guard Mike

Typically titles like this have the last name rather than the first. So if his name is Mike Hawk, then he would be Security Guard Hawk rather than Security Guard Mike unless that is his last name which would be very weird.


Add some brackets around this since redactions are typically contained within them.

I thought this was alright. 580-1 was a bit of an interesting character to follow throughout his life in the Authority. The part with the Malthus raid honestly reminded me of those fail compilation videos with it just being different scenes of him getting owned. As for everything else, this is just a standard humanoid article with a few interesting things (such as the malthus raid) happening that keep the readers attention. As such I will settle on giving this a 3.5/5

Re: Excer-7 by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 01 Mar 2021 00:07

Yo, thanks for the crit dude!

The only thing I'll comment on is the reason why the authority put the doctor who fucked up in charge of the project, in my head, it's because no one else wanted to handle it, the doctor was really really skilled, and the failure of the project wasn't really his fault anyways. There was no way he could have predicted that the machine would break in that way, and the Authority knows that. What do you think?

I agree with everything else though, I'll be changing it!

Luka U6-02Luka U6-02 28 Feb 2021 22:36
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-601

This is beyond words in terms of beauty and content. I enjoyed the reading, as well i really enjoyed the involvement and implications it has on the Austral War.

by Luka U6-02Luka U6-02, 28 Feb 2021 22:36
Re: Photocopier
Kloth2Kloth2 28 Feb 2021 21:59
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Photocopier

I'll be trying my best to fix grammar, thank you so much for the help o7

Re: Photocopier by Kloth2Kloth2, 28 Feb 2021 21:59

This was a fun read, but I do have a few issues with it. It's very imaginative and has a ton of potential, but the grammar kinda takes the immersion away.

The main issue I have is with the way it's written. It has a bunch of grammar and wording inconsistencies that just feel off for the authority, and the worst offender in this regard has to be the discovery log.

"RPC-XXX was identified as an anomaly when an incident in Colombia, Medellin. Which caused the destruction of RPC-XXX to an almost complete dismantling. On 23/01/200█, when two workers found that after objects started disappearing from their office and appearing on the drawer of RPC-XXX. Started believing the machine to be possessed, and in the attempts of "destroying the curse", they stayed up after their shift and began pummeling the object. This activated the effects of RPC-XXX-1. Damage created developed a giant crater in the ground, eliminating both the employees and most of the surrounding area, regenerating RPC-XXX in the process."

There's a ton of errors here. I'd write it as:

"RPC-XXX was discovered after an incident in Colombia, Medellin, where RPC-XXX's effects activated after two workers became convinced in their belief that RPC-XXX was "haunted" and attempted to destroy it. This activated the effects of RPC-XXX-1, who immediately began to dismantle the matter surrounding it, killing both workers and creating a large crater in the surrounding area. RPC personel and local law enforcement cooperated to cover up the incident, citing a gas leak as the cause for the crater and the deaths."

There's also minor format issues like how you refer to RPC-XXX-1 as -2 in the collapsible, as well as a disreprancy(you mention that the dismantling process usually doesn't hurt people, but it does in the discovery log).

Still, the narrative of the ghost wacky family adventures is really good. Keep at it man!

Re: Photocopier by Worm that WalksWorm that Walks, 28 Feb 2021 21:46

Alright, I've changed the restrictions and added an extensive testing log. I hope that fixes the main issues you have with the article!

This is a rather trope-y idea — it's like the definition of the Mind-Regression Hazard.

Not to say it couldn't work, more that you need to think on it a little more; what could make it more unique or enjoyable to read?

The idea is that, the Anomaly in question, is a collection of [Random number] gas cylinders containing an anomalous gas substance that, when comes into contact with any sentient life forms, will cause an irreversible deterioration in intelligence. However, there's a 5% chances that instead of making the subject go retarded, it will alter their memories. (Further edit later)

I'm writing on a phone so there might be some grammatical errors. I'll be very grateful if you can notify me about them!

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