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Thank you! I'll take a look at those hazards and probably put them in and re-add amnestics.

I'm glad you like it! Figured this place could use a smile :P

Re: Little Book of Love by JustAlwaysJustAlways, 03 Aug 2020 22:59

For hazards, I think Tychokinetic would be fitting and POSSIBLY Sapient

{universe equivalent of amnestics}

We call em amnestics here too.

This warms my cold dead black heart. I just can't find any reason to hate this at all. There's really nothing wrong about this it's just very cute. 5/5

RPC-XXX detained in Munich, 1908.

Add that this is a sketch

Motion tracking Infrared

Change to infrared

You need to add a few line breaks, such as in between the "All personnel that regularly enter within…" and the "In the event of a containment breach, a CSD…" sentences

invariably results in horrific and frightening visual hallucinations

This statement is subjective. Try to avoid that and go for more objective statements. Rewrite this to say something like "Hallucinations that have been described as being "terrifying" by victims"

RECOVERED DOCUMENT RPC-XXX.1

You need some formatting for this and the second document. Use quote blocks or a [[/div]] to achieve this

but every day that goes by him body more frail

Try rewriting it like this: but every day that goes by, his body becomes more frail

Every time approach his room

Every time I approach his room

her misery kn a moment

in a moment

Honestly this one just feels a little generic. Body hijackers is a concept that I have seen a lot of and this one doesn't feel too special as compared to the others. I will note however that the documents toward the end were a little interesting, but not enough to save the article. Also no log describing the hallucinations just feels disappointing. Remember chekovs gun and all. 2/5 for some neat little documents toward the end but points deducted for nothing interesting done with the idea and a lack of what could be some interesting hallucinations.

Re: Parasitic soul by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 03 Aug 2020 21:08

Monetary compensation has been allowed by the Administration Division

This doesn't really make sense in lore. Why would the authority give monetary compensation for finding some documents about an anomaly that admittedly isn't very important. Even if it was important I doubt they would get money for it

The reason for this is warning is

Remove the first "is"

The senior survivor of the fire

I think of an old man who survived the fire. Perhaps you meant to say "A senior researcher who survived the fire"

When the light is on was when it burns people

This is one of those sentences that sound odd when you pronounce them. Perhaps you could change it to say "Whenever the light turned on, it would burn people"

So this is a neat little idea. I like how it is intentionally left vague enough to the point where you can guess what goes wrong, but I dislike how obvious it is towards the end. What I think would be a neat little twist would be if what the catastrophe that it hints at gets twisted towards the end. Keeps a similar idea of the event, but it isn't what you expect. 3/5 in its current state mainly for a well written interview and neat little mystery but points deducted for a predictable ending

Re: The Firebox by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 03 Aug 2020 20:21
8ismo8ismo 03 Aug 2020 20:19
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-248

Nice idea and an enjoyable read. Although, it could have used more interviews with either the RPC (Who also could have had a deeper character) or the GoIs talking about each other. Nihil also could have had more of a presence and connection than just both parties having a connection with water.
Also it has gay marriage, so it's a +4 all in all.

by 8ismo8ismo, 03 Aug 2020 20:19
Rpc 327 by Agent Juan AAgent Juan A, 03 Aug 2020 19:28
CroalCroal 03 Aug 2020 18:56
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Authority Events Hub

you 1 star this but do not 1 star failsafe? plothole MUCH?!

by CroalCroal, 03 Aug 2020 18:56

Hey all, I'm new here. I'm not too good at writing horror and stuff and I prefer writing less heavy or mind bending or philosophical articles and more face-value, sometimes wholesome articles.

Anywho, I used to write for SCP and this was one of my articles I was working on. It's still very geared toward SCP but I want to know how I can improve and change it to make it fit in with RPC here.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/little-book-of-love

The ending is still up in the air, since I don't really know for sure how I want it to end, but the rest of it is pretty much done. Lemme know what you think!

Little Book of Love by JustAlwaysJustAlways, 03 Aug 2020 18:01
VizloxVizlox 03 Aug 2020 17:27
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-448

more proof that nihil makes no sense…….

by VizloxVizlox, 03 Aug 2020 17:27
CroalCroal 03 Aug 2020 16:39
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-448

All known races in the island actively evade passage near RPC-448 for unknown reasons, refusing to elaborate further.

Dwarven travelers commonly know of it, and many have visited it with the purpose of sightseeing.

Huh?

by CroalCroal, 03 Aug 2020 16:39
VizloxVizlox 03 Aug 2020 14:46
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Epic Edna

This is more or less a shitposting conversation that was taken from Discord, and just stamped with a J-Article tag.

That's absurd. This was originally written. Nothing was taken from a chat log.

by VizloxVizlox, 03 Aug 2020 14:46
DrPiersonDrPierson 03 Aug 2020 13:05
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Epic Edna

As much as I dislike J-Articles in some cases, this is just beyond that. This is more or less a shitposting conversation that was taken from Discord, and just stamped with a J-Article tag. It's lazy and uncreative.

It's even worse when its directly linking to an SCP article, which just breaks our principles as a separate, independent community.

Again, uncreative. +1.


"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"

by DrPiersonDrPierson, 03 Aug 2020 13:05
The Firebox by scott_huntsscott_hunts, 03 Aug 2020 09:02

Overall, well done. The grammar is a lot better than most I read. I think you gave the AB version of 898 a decent amount of personality without going too far to make it an actual as opposed to a vengeful spirit.

Advice for changes is below.

"….it's like Detroit."

Say what you will about racial humor, this just isn't that funny. I understand what you were getting at with the line to prevent any real offense from occurring but either way it just takes me out of "the zone". consistent tone is important, and this screws it up a bit.

"Hit it harder"
Unhelpful advice

This is far more natural and keeps the tone better.

"Cause the foul sorcery fueled carriage to be without its guide!"

I'd reword this a bit, I get what you mean but it could stand to flow a little better.

"…you kid diddling bastard!"

An insult this specific is usually only used if there is evidence to support it's use. It comes across as unnatural and forced here. I'd suggest using something different.

"Brooke reaches with her arms, desperately guiding the vehicle from the passenger seat and trying not to gag from the abundance of blood coming from her leg, impaled by a stray glass shard."

You've been in past tense this whole time when describing things, changing it here is a mistake.

" stripped of basic love for fellow man by these… goat humpers!"

Animal fucking has long been used as an insult, and it sort of fits. The issue is that goat humpers is too modern. Earlier you were able to draw the word "Terrorists" in, and it was done a lot more naturally. If you mentioned livestock earlier and had him diminutivly think that they were sodomizing the animals it would come across more naturally. As it stands it takes me out of "zone".

The Crusader's memories are a tricky issue. I'm not sure if changing it to be past tense would be better or not. I'd suggest making a copy and in the copy making it past tense and seeing what flows better.

The next part where the Crusader first attacks the terrorists is probably the weakest part. Some of the sounds like the clicking of the gun are italicized while the stomps are not. The dialogue has different styles in the same section. Also why is retribution italicized? Overall the description here is good, but the formatting is just too inconsistent.

As for the crusader's declaration, I'd tone it down just a hair unless it has some historical context. As it reads now it's just a little much.

The ending is solid, not perfect but not bad either.

This tale is a lot more ready for posting than others I've seen. Overall I'd give it a 3.5/5 right now. If you implemented the changes I discussed and or fixed things in other ways I'd say 4 or maybe 4.5.

Very god job for your first tale!

Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster 03 Aug 2020 03:25
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Epic Edna
Unfunny.png
by Prototype_ToasterPrototype_Toaster, 03 Aug 2020 03:25
Parasitic soul by scott_huntsscott_hunts, 03 Aug 2020 03:15
PhoenixOfHopePhoenixOfHope 02 Aug 2020 23:25
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-376

Aight, usually I don't really want to reply, but there is a question mark there which means that you want an answer.

But let me talk a little first, I don't really mind when you say it's boring, I know people's opinions aren't all the same. for the SPaG section, even though I was really weak in that, but I've been asking for crit for some time and it shouldn't be that bad. Again, that's my opinion. For narratives, I don't know what you mean that it's predictable. There are two stories that are presented with two different backgrounds, at the time of discovery and at the time of the incident, I don't know what you predicted, to be honest.

And to answer your question, no. ESL. Have a nice day.

by PhoenixOfHopePhoenixOfHope, 02 Aug 2020 23:25

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/declaration-of-death
A corrupted version of the declaration of independence that summons forth hordes of undead.

AlmardukAlmarduk 02 Aug 2020 20:43
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-376

If I remember correctly, it took you a long while to get crit on this one. I regret not taking the time to give it myself, because in its current state, this is a very confusing and hard read without much depth.

The anomaly itself isn't bad, but its description is in urgent need of rewording. Differentiating instances by percentages of their body that has been burned feels extremely convoluted for what should ultimately be a superficial detail. Simply distinguish between instances by the depth of their burns (first to fourth degrees).

by AlmardukAlmarduk, 02 Aug 2020 20:43
GibbyFuckingDiesGibbyFuckingDies 02 Aug 2020 20:21
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-376

The anomaly is boring and this is riddled with poor spag and a predictable narrative. Is English your first language, author?

1/5

by GibbyFuckingDiesGibbyFuckingDies, 02 Aug 2020 20:21
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