My second RPC
I would like to thank Hyze, H F Dummie, and TheSkilledFox for critiquing and proofreading my article. :)
RPC-579 / Discussion
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its a little short and rough around the edges but i like it
The execution could have been much better. I feel that this is not really anomalous enough to be on the main list but I do like the concept of it taking place at the end of the universe. I also feel that the transmission was way to short for someone that knows he's gonna die soon. Overall I suggest this be moved to Acquired media. Seeing it in this state, as an RPC, I have to give it a 2 star.
Dreams. Each man longs to pursue his dream. Each man is tortured by this dream, but the dream gives meaning to his life. Even if the dream ruins his life, man cannot allow himself to leave it behind. In this world, is man ever able to possess anything more solid, than a dream?
~Kentaro Miura
Now that you have pointed it out to me, you are correct, this would be better as an acquired media. And I will be making the necessary changes, and getting the appropriate criticism, before I upload it as such.
I'd have to agree with Thermic. There needs to be more to this article in order to warrant it being on the main-list. Right now all you have is a single transmission with an incredibly bare bones description. While I do think that the transmission is written pretty well, without more detail or description this would work better as an Acquired media. 2 stars for now.
(account deleted)DID YOU JUST SAY CONSERVIATEVE YUO NAZI?!?!!?!!!1110ne IT SHOULD BE LIBERAAAAL
(refering to the fooot note secson!)
swaggest person on rpc
The prose here reminds me of Slint's Spiderland, in the sense that it's stilted and stated in an almost matter-of-fact fashion. Unfortuantely, while that works in the realm of post-rock, it makes for horrible short stories.
This is actually really f*cking good. The shortness is effective, and the log is one of the few things on this site that has genuinely spooked me. It instills a type of horrid dread and eerieness.
Don't be discouraged by this wave of negativity, I think you could very easily hit a perfect sweet spot with these detractors with a few tweaks.
Agreeing with Moenennbys on a lot of things here, except shortness. I feel like the shortness sort of ruins it. Maybe there could be more transmissions, and it would be really solid.
blabbo
The shortness if by far the worst aspect of this. Because anyone could write the spooky end-of-the-universe final transmission article, but for it to stand out and warrant more attention it needs more than just the skeletal description that it is now. I agree that having a series of transmissions that make a sort of story would work much better, but as it is now its just not very good.
A bit too on-the-nose for me, but I enjoyed this.
I think it would be better if the transmission was a video rather than audio. The log would be a description of what is happening in the video transmission. This would allow for much more imagery which I think this article could really use.
Instead of going head first with the details of "It's in the future and everyone is dead aaaa", you should start with the story of the guy being all sad and slowly hint out the details. The reader will still have the same understanding by the end, but it will be much more impactful.
Didn't you already post here saying this was good? I don't see the point in making separate posts just rehashing what you already said.
blabbo
Well the rest of us see you posting the same articles on #discovery everyday and no one says anything :)
Wow you seem angwy about something
I wonder what it is
hmmmm
blabbo
/forum/t-9505159/rpc-579#post-