The formatting is very attractive. Good work on that.
I think you should revise the wording in regards to the actual description of the anomalous ability. Its a bit hard to really understand whats going on.
I also think this would benefit massively from some more characterization through the media of interview logs.
Thank you. Should I have to rewrite this article, I'll keep this in mind!
There are things not specified in the article, that not a bad thing being part of the Lore Team however I feel responsible to tell you a few things revolving around your RPC. Primarily that it is located at Site-009 (RPCs primary human containment facility, and a jail)
I like the premise, a reality bender that's traumatised by their abilities, but there's no real narrative throughline and it doesn't seem to go anywhere. There's a lot of wording/grammar issues, and it just feels like a really rough first draft
Surprisingly well written humanoid reality bender, it doesn't fall under self insertion at all which I quite like.
Well-written article for the most part (see below) and well formatted. I think the character of RPC-119 could be explored way better though. Update: Looking back, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. Everything seems realistic and I love the doctor not realizing how much worse "Don't worry; we have plenty of disposable test subjects!" sounds. Still leaves me wanting a little more in the end, though.
Though it wasn't advised to make contact previously, RPC-119 and Dr. Jonah seemed really connected at that point. RPC-119 requested a few more books to read since it was close to finishing the one it had read. Request was sent.
There are a couple weird slip-ups like this through out the article. Nothing terrible, but it feels a little sloppy at times. +4
I've been coming back to this article a lot more recently, and I want to try my hand at revising tf out of it.
Thanks for the critique!
Was “meh” until the test logs which are pretty good and really tie the emotional grounding of the story together with the anomaly. Giving a humanoid anomaly a therapist is a great pick.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
Im still really proud of this dude, even 2 years later.
But ever since I've posted this, I've literally seen the number 119 everywhere. I really hope this isn't just me going absolutely mental and other writers here have a similar issue, but OMIGOSH is it annoying! Like jesus christ.
but I'm really glad to see this man still here! pretty darn cool if you ask me.
No that's completely normal. I see familiar numbers everywhere I go and it's FUCKIGN distracting
Like seriously! I just can't get away from this RPC! Like holy crap, it makes me feel like im in a simulation everytime I see it like sheesh!
Yeah the story is alright. And so is the formatting, it's a well structured article for it's age. I just have two major issues with this article in general: the clinical tone could use some improving, and the dialogue feels…unnatural.
I can't give your clinical tone a hardpass, it really distracts me from the story you wanna tell. But honestly? It's not the most severe problem I have, because this issue could be fixed easily with a proper direction. Your dialogue, I've never seen any doctor or psychology professional speak like that. I get that the Authority can be cold and inhumane at times, but…come on, no one just casually drops ''oh yeah we have human guinea pigs lol don't worry''. That is to say, all it could use is some rework, because understanding the anomaly comes first, the person behind the anomaly later.
3 stars for the time being. I hope you come back around and give this a well deserve revisit.
(account deleted)