AWWW, WHAT'S IN THE BOX
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
This used to be SCP-2801, and now it's something more. I think I preserved the spirit of the original while also expanding the story (and the canon) in interesting ways.
Thanks to Cecpec, Tarbolin, and TurtleRock for the crit, and Pierson for the crit and the image suggestion.