The Abominable Snow Man
I'm asking for a critique on this RPC. I intend to submit it to the Winter Contest. Here's a link to the draft.
The Abominable Snow Man
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Summary:
I want some criticism for my Winter Contest entry.
(account deleted)or is confirmed to be destroyed
I suggest you remove or justify this part since it implies the Authority could simply destroy this thing by blasting it, and then it would relocate to somewhere else costing more resources trying to locate it and blast it again, it wouldn't make much sense in my opinion.
Those police
Policemen or agents, it reads wonky like it is now.
You have a working idea and a solid article here, though I think that if this anomaly is being under surveillance, an addendum about an "Observation Log" would add some more flesh to this article, describing some of the behavior of the anomaly and maybe covering once incident involved with it, aside from that it's a decent proposal. Good luck with the contest.
I fixed the issues you mentioned, but I think an observation log and an incident report would not really reveal anything we already know.
Should RPC-XXX breach containment, submarines must maintain a visual on it. Should the need arise, the submarines are armed with 500mm high-explosive torpedoes so to combat RPC-XXX. If RPC-XXX disappears from its current location or is destroyed, it must be rediscovered as soon as possible and placed under surveillance again.
- Suggestion:
In the event of a containment breach, submarines are to pursue and maintain visual on RPC-XXX, and are permitted to use their 500mm high-explosive torpedoes against RPC-XXX. If RPC-XXX disappears from its current location or is confirmed to be destroyed, RPC-XXX must be located and retrieved as soon as possible and be placed under surveillance.
Due to this, it seems to thrive in freezing temperatures
- Add a little specification of it's overall temperature preferences (i.e freezing temperatures at around -20°C to -100°C), as this allows the Authority to know exactly which part of the world would RPC-XXX be usually at.
RPC-XXX may cause an End-Of-The-World Scenario within the next ███ years. Reclassification to Gamma-Black is currently pending.
- End-Of-The-World Scenario should just be end-of-the-world scenario, as that does not require capitalization.
Conclusion: This article has somewhat exceeded my expectation. It's execution, presentation, and overall concept was just fantastic. However, I did encounter some odd sentencing and minor errors that should be fixable.
However, what scratches my head the most is it's current object classification. While I have read over the part where it has since grew, I don't necessarily think it should be considered a Purple classed anomaly, but rather an Orange classed anomaly. More importantly, the part where it says:
So far, ████ deaths, including ███ human casualties have been attributed to RPC-XXX
Shouldn't be taken into account as a reason for it being Purple. To better understand the threat classification, one has to take into consideration of its capability to do so. Like your article, I don't see its capability of threatening an entire populace, unless it has the capability of slipping through the Authority's eyes and lands at small occupied area. In my opinion, I do think the anomaly should be classed as Orange unless you have a better argument of it being Purple.
~ Dr. Pierson
"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"
Thank you very much. I have amended my article in accordance with your critique, except for the final criticism. Purple RPCs are "capable of exterminating life en masse and/or entire populations." I stand by the purple classification for this RPC because it did manage to wipe out a whole town in Russia, and then began terrorizing Svalbard afterwards.
"At least twenty (20) animals of varying species are to be on the island on a weekly basis so to satisfy RPC-XXX and prevent it from leaving the island."
This is worded strangely, maybe switch it up to " At least twenty (20) animals of varying species are to inhabit the island in order to satisfy RPC-XXX. The animal populations must be monitored and replenished weekly. "
"confirmed to be destroyed, it must be located as soon as possible and placed under surveillance." If it's confirmed to be destroyed then they would either have a body or it could be completely gone, later in the article it clears this up with another manifestation/reformation, but without a little more clarification here it is confusing.
Freezing temperatures below -0.6 degrees Celsius,
Remove "freezing"
How big is it exactly? The article states that it's massive, but that leaves me wondering just how big it really is. Try to expand the description a bit more.
"RPC-XXX moves very slowly and therefore is able to change its shape"
I don't think that these two correlate, I would put them in two separate entrances.
"RPC-XXX may cause an end-of-the-world scenario within the next ███ years. Reclassification to Gamma-Black is currently pending."
I would change this up, maybe to something like "If this growth continues then we may have to start researching alternative options."
These are all suggestions, take them or leave them.
Overall, I like it! I especially liked the logs, very good start to the contest. Nice work.
/forum/t-9065234/the-abominable-snow-man#post-