When this is attempted, RPC-XXX will begin to expand its properties until Site-099 is re-established.
This line reads ambiguously. It doesn't make it clear if it means when not rebuilding it at all is attempted, or relocating Site-099. I think you should specify if this means attempting either one of the solutions or simply attempting to do something about it.
However, this is only theoretical, and thus black classification has been denied.
I'd word this as hypothetical, since the way the article is written implies this hasn't been tried yet.
not un-similar to RPC-XXX.
I'd replace this for "similar to RPC-XXX" or "not unlike RPC-XXX."
A meteorite covering the same (exact) area as Site-099 struck Site-099.
The area under Site-099 was transformed into Swiss cheese.
suffocating all personnel on lower areas
was allergic to mosquito bites
fixed these
RPC-XXX is the designation for a previously uncatalogued, probability-warping effect surrounding the lunar base Site-099. The origin of this anomaly can be traced back to approximately 1958, when Site-099 was first established. Since its establishment, Site-099 has been subject to numerous destruction events caused by RPC-XXX's effects.
Looks good.
RPC-XXX is able to manipulate probability, and seemingly nothing else. It has only been observed to do this involving catastrophic events happening to Site-099, for unknown reasons. Theories have been proposed as to moving Site-099 to a different location, or simply not rebuilding it at all.
Well said, fairly succinct while keeping the clinical tone intact.
When this is attempted, RPC-XXX will begin to expand its properties until Site-099 is re-established.
Something that shows this would be nice.
It is theorized that if Site-099 were to be fully destroyed without a rebuilding effort, that RPC-XXX would encompass the entire moon, and a catastrophic event would occur. However, this is only theoretical, and thus black classification has been denied.
This sounds interesting.
Due to the nature of RPC-XXX, and its origin, it has been theorized that RPC-XXX was created, perhaps on accident, by RPC-866 in an attempt of retaliation against the Authority for containing it momentarily at Site-099, when Site-099 was first constructed. The momentary containment of RPC-866 was conducted via the use of an extremely unstable non-anomalous improbability manipulating device, not un-similar to RPC-XXX. As such, it is theorized that when RPC-866 was contained via the device, RPC-866 converted the device into RPC-XXX and used it to retaliate.
I would suggest giving this device some kind of name.
Investigation into the origins of RPC-XXX after the discovery of its anomalous nature has been extensive, including investigations into numerous groups of interest that could be related to this phenomenon. The only groups that showed knowledge of RPC-XXX were the Nivaldi, who have a previous unexplained relationship with RPC-866, and the UNAAC, who happen to have discovered this phenomenon at the same time as the Authority. Due to the UNAAC having a diplomatic position on Site-099 for political reasons, research into RPC-XXX has been labeled an international effort by the UNAAC. This is not to be treated as an information breach, due to the UNAAC being negatively affected by RPC-XXX alongside the Authority.
Looks good.
As such, they have ceased any and all research into the Authority in favor of researching RPC-XXX, which is beneficial to the Authority, and shall be continued.
I think this line says too much about the position of the UNAAC regarding the Authority and should either be removed or changed.
Specifically this clause:
they have ceased any and all research into the Authority
RPC-XXX Incident Log
I would suggest having this on a different page.
Edit: Overall, I enjoy the concept and look forward to seeing this on the wiki.
fixed most of the issues you mentioned, however the device is gonna be left unnamed in case some lad comes along and decides to make something like it in the future
however the device is gonna be left unnamed in case some lad comes along and decides to make something like it in the future
Fair enough.
As such, they have seemingly ceased most efforts into furthering their research involving the moon, due to RPC-XXX.
Better.
Alright, after you get a few more pieces of criticism, as per our requirements, I think this will be ready for the wiki.
This is weird and nonsensical, and I dig. One recurring issue though, is that you seem to gravitate towards overly wordy sentences. A lot of the first paragraph of the description could be said more concisely.
In addition, I don't know if an incident log is the best direction to head in in terms of further developing the article. I'd suggest perhaps an interview with the head of a taskforce that dealt with it, a la 096.
Otherwise, interesting idea, hope it gets fleshed into something cool.
you know this is rpc-099 now
this draft is old
