This is well written. The properties of the RPC are well thought out. My largest complaint is the number of test logs. The inclusion of more test logs that showcase the properties of the RPC would improve the article. Three stars.
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(account deleted)Good one, the horror settled in when reading what happens upon contact with living tissue and microorganisms. Well written, short and sweet. Maybe add some more testing logs with something other than tomato soup, I am sure the Authority would want to see what happens when spilling on living tissue at least once.
Good but are the authority themselves allowed to use it to eat?
For a while, I only knew of this article for its beginning: the dreaded "conventional nondescript unspecified food can" anomaly, as Almarduk once hilariously put it. Now that I've read it in full, I've come to find that it's disappointingly competent.
It has a curious anomaly. Pouring cyan sludge into my soup to "extend" it is the right combination of off-putting and effective to make an Alpha-class interesting, and, though it's not a toy (which is I hear is the RIGHTEOUS AND PROPER WAY TO WRITE A!CO by current standards), it nails that sketchy off-brand vibe. I like when A!Co tries to make a good product but is too alien to appeal to their fleshy target demographic.
The last two paragraphs of description attempt to make the object noteworthy on a broader scale, to mixed results. Sure, it sounds freaky and interesting when you read it, but the balance of the article wouldn't be disrupted if this half of the anomaly were taken out. The rest of the article is about soup. While the secondary properties' implicit significance is massive (it definitely convinces me this should be kept away from the public), it's a dead lead in this story, and the way it got dropped made it less effective overall than it could've been.
I feared the test logs would be the moment this article strayed from the light and into mediocrity, but they aren't too painful. It's basically the 3 little pigs with exploding soup, and while it was dull, I at least didn't feel inclined to skip. The introduction is misleading though; it says they're "to discern various properties of this RPC", but they're actually all about the T measurement. The "°T" thing, which I haven't mentioned until now, is by far the least interesting part of the anomaly. "Forget the tumorous growths and mutant bacteria, let's solve a fictional unit of measurement!" Focusing on it is charmingly misguided, though I don't think the poor CSDs found it that charming. While I'm not wholly convinced these experiments required human sacrifices, the CSDs don't appear enough and could get some sun, so hey, why not?
I don't have much to say about the last addendum, but it's there and closes well enough.
The tone is fair, and probably good for the standards of this article's ancient age. It has highs (I really like the phrase "targeted memory treatment") and lows at about the same rate, while the resting quality is only average. Let's laugh at a few of the lows, just for old times' sake.
Cans of RPC-181 contain a cyan fluid with a consistency similar to tomato soup, which has no perceptible smell or taste.
Ooh, a dangling modifier! Is this one of those scentless, flavorless tomato soups I've heard so much about?
"Amazing! Soup Extender!" will always be printed in an easily visible manner, providing an easy method of identification.
Well, it's good to know that it's easy. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure "providing an easy method of identification" is the purpose of most printed labels.
These growths will not be connected to the organism's central circulatory system or equivalent and will become necrotic if not removed. The growths are only connected to the surface layer of tissue; however, and surgical procedures are often required for removal.
The second sentence's clauses are joined awkwardly in a way that I can't make a funny quip about. I hope you're happy.
As of 03/14/████, there are ██████ instances in containment. Shipments to places of business and donations to charity organizations are the most common method of introduction to the public.
It sounds like, just to deal with the surplus, the Authority is selling them to civilians. I mean, that's why these two sentences are put next to each other like this, right? (Jokes aside, it took me until the second scan of the paragraph to figure this out, because the lack of a subject doing the "shipments" threw me off.)
I found this was pretty good for a straightforward Alpha, but slightly undercooked. This might've passed many years ago, but nowadays we the people demand more. I'm only giving this a 4/5 because I'm in a good mood, but I personally wouldn't want to rate this under deletion either way.
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