Thanks to the good people who provided critique and feedback. This is an idea I've had stirring for quite some time. I was planning on making it a regular RPC article but felt that it fit the 'Black Circle' theme well enough to be part of this contest.
Win or lose, I had a good time writing it. Enjoy.
The Primordial Womb & The Stillborn God / Discussion
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Gives me a strange journey vibe but it diverges away from it well enough. I would love an exploration log with details on the stuff found inside the pocket dimension though.
(account deleted)Your rating module is buggered my man.
OK so let's give a shitty review (Because I feel like I'm obligated to). I thought this was OK. It wasn't offensively bad writing, and the idea wasn't garbage tier itself. But zaglo text and the @ spam at the bottom was just really bad. I didn't even feel like reading the -2 part, so I didn't rate it.
(V) (;,,;) (V)
Pretty good but the zaglo text detracts from the quality. +1
So what I'm getting is:
This being(after looking at the second document) is actually similar to Nssu-Ghahnb, the Lovecraft creature that can bring about monsters to our world and is basically a giant heart. Except, this is on a grander scale and can communicate with us, along with being what is basically a black hole that will consume everything into its Warhammer 40K-esque Warp that the Authority at first used as a garbage disposal. But with the side effects being that the anomalies thrown in there mostly end up being born from the living realm inside of the black hole. It is also infuriated and growing faster due to feeling neglected and rejected, and thus, is trying to consume us all.
That's pretty cool. I like it! Yes, the Zalgo text could be removed, but in all honesty it's a nitpick… one that can be removed, but not something that ultimately destroys immersion or the idea in itself.
4 stars. I enjoyed it. Not a bad first 001 for the site.
The Zalgo text felt like it was just there to be edgy and nothing more. The rest of the article….eh… its… OK? It's not amazing or top-notch, which is what I'd expect from a 001 article. It's alright.
I'll give around 3 stars.
This is interesting.
4 starring it till something other than Zalgo text is used. It just comes off as a cheap way to build atmosphere, but that's just me. Solid idea, it's just lacking in execution.
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
/forum/t-6832472/the-primordial-womb-the-stillborn-god#post-