Draft feedback: http://www.rpc-wiki.net/forum/t-6798650/nitris-shizz
This was the first entry I read prior to joining the site. The horror on this piece is well delivered by the narrative on it, and it's of comfortable length. Five stars without a second thought.
Not a bad article, however the title I feel was somewhat misleading and I was left wanting the banshees. Well written and with imaginative narrative nonetheless, I am surprised as to why this isn't above a 4.5
This is really ambitious for how early on it was written, but its age is still obvious.
Most pertinently, it spends way too much time telling me that it's scary instead of making itself scary. The effects explained are headed in the right direction, but they weren't really enough to make me feel even a little uncomfortable. Instead, we get notes from Dr. Lloyd every step of the way, telling us how scary it is and exactly what we're supposed to think.
There's also a lot of repetition. For instance, the author seems very concerned that I won't understand the deep concept of "the trips take a random length that changes each time", so a good chunk of the article is spent establishing that. Additionally, the tone is consistently a little bit off.
Any instances of RPC-073-1 should be avoided at all costs as direct physical contact results in an extremely fast onset of Bubonic Plague symptoms and death within 5 - 15 seconds, regardless of vaccinations.
This is in the ConProts, yet after the first ten words, this turns into description.
There are no reports of RPC-073-1 instances causing any physical harm to subjects aboard a moving train passing through RPC-073
Don't tell me what doesn't happen! Also, if they aren't aggressive, why does this article have the Aggression Hazard?
The ending is honestly legitimately unnerving. Until Dr. Lloyd comes in at the very end to EXPLAIN WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK… DAMMIT!!!
Don't get me wrong, though. "The Banshee Tunnels" have a succinct premise with disturbing imagery, a lot of unanswered questions, and a chilling conclusion. It's part of the way to being something truly iconic and worth treasuring. The effort shines through regardless of the flaws, and I adamantly believe this should be honored with a rewrite. 4/5