RPC-135 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-135.

Skywit 24 Jul 2018 19:35

"They are to be psychologically evaluated following the tests as are required to attend to a psychiatrist for mandatory checkups."
Change 'as' to 'and'

"CRT TV in place between the clavicles."
'place' isn't needed.

"How this is possible regardless of obstructions is unclear."
Obstructions can block it, so it would regard obstacles. I would just remove 'regardless of obstructions' to make it sound better/more logical.

"RPC-135s screen"
*RPC-135's

"Indirect surveillance observation"
Surveilence and observation are synonyms, so they are redundant. I would remove one of the two.

"However, the harnesses were unable to exert sufficient force to prevent subjects from climbing into RPC-135's screen."
Remove this sentence. It begins with a conjunction and makes no sense. Wouldn't the researcers have wanted the subjects to enter 135 to see whats in there. This makes it sound like they tried to stop them from entering. Without this sentence the paragraph would make more sense.

I still like it :)

SticksNTricks 24 Jul 2018 19:38

Well that's the thing. They were trying to stop hem from entering because they can't afford to lose too many class-Ds.

but yeah I fixed the other stuff. Thanks!

CaptCronXXVII 24 Jul 2018 22:17

But what if I'm a memelord who likes to waste his time anyway?

I'm stuck thinking if there's a little more to this, like a concept that could be expanded on, but I like its simplicity. I wonder if you imagined this as a portal to someplace else or if it's just a TV that eats you.

+1

SticksNTricks 24 Jul 2018 22:29

That was exactly the kind of thought process I wanted the readers to ask themselves.
IS it a portal to some better place with a better life? Or is it just a beast signaling false promises?

ProgramVoiceboi 24 May 2020 18:00

The age old question: Is this gateway, or beast.

(account deleted) 09 Mar 2019 01:29

Add Emotional Hazard to the list.

Are those imperial units i see? I would suggest you to replace those alongside fixing some tone issues on the description, which has many weird sounding sentences in.

For example, the TV isn't even between the clavicles, it would be on top of the neck.

In the interview you refer to D-3315 as CSD-3315 but not within the parts they are saying.

Last edited on 09 Mar 2019 01:59 by (account deleted) Show more

pogchamp 22 May 2019 20:38

The animation sequence is nice and all, and so is the structure of the article. But the most important test is missing.. wether or not you can play Melee on it! :omegalul:

SticksNTricks 22 May 2019 22:40

You might be in the game. :thonk:

JimmyBoyHaha 23 May 2019 01:28

twitch emote internet slang poggers funny not annoying and repetitive very funny

---

blabbo

pogchamp 25 May 2019 03:57

:dabs:

DoubleDenial 05 Apr 2022 03:49

This article has striking imagery, and the idea of an entity promising a better universe of questionable authenticity is a great take on the "thing that makes you infatuated with it" concept. That's all I can really say for it, though.

The tone is consistent but not what a clinical article should sound like (e.g. "It was then did the Authority come upon RPC-135"), and the usage of the "we try to do an exploration log but our equipment doesn't work and the people never come back" trope really broke my immersion. It's always such a slog to read through.

The conprots are mostly inessential, the discovery section doesn't end up adding anything, and the test logs are a straight retread of the description. If we took all of those sections out of the article, we would have nothing but the four description paragraphs left. It's an interesting premise that isn't built upon whatsoever. It has potential, but I'm hoping for a future rewrite. 3/5

Observing the output indirectly shows the screen of RPC-135 displaying static on all tested visual media.

How did they get footage of the screen running then? :/

Last edited on 03 Jul 2022 17:06 by DoubleDenial Show more