The image used in this RPC is free of any license or copyright.
RPX-140
fix pleas
Exerito Glyphs are to be used to surviving citizens.
what
RPC-140-2 regain sentience
This is incorrect grammar
Should I cally you by first name or
spelling
how did any of them still have meat in them?
sounds weird
While there are many grammar problems, I like the idea. No vote for now, but once the grammar is fixed I will give it a +1.
After reading your article, I've compiled a list of suggestions. Implement any that you like:
- I would change "RPC-140 has sometimes reappeared in the same location used before." to "RPC-140 has reappeared in locations where it has been known to have previously manifested."
- At points where you say "…affected plants are hereby called…" or "Corpses after this stage are hereby called…" I think could be changed. Replacing the phrase" hereby called" with other phrases such as "hereby designated" or "referred to as" would improve the article, I think.
- "…as it directs RPC-140-1 which direction to take, and detects anything around RPC-140-1." I would change to, "…helping guide RPC-140-1 and assisting it in discerning what is located in its immediate environment." Or something else similar.
- "…in some unknown way, this accelerates RPC-140-1's growth." I'd change to say, "…accelerating the growth of RPC-140-1 instances by currently unknown means."
- "RPC-140-1 are hostile to any living being near it." I'd change to read, "All instances of RPC-140-1 are extremely hostile towards any animals in their vicinity."
- I'd rewrite "When in an encounter with a living being, RPC-140-2 will react with growls and screeches, and RPC-140-1 will proceed to attack." to read something like the following: "Upon detecting any nearby animals, RPC-140-2 will react with congested vocalizations that will alert its RPC-140-1 instance to the organism, causing it to attack."
- "Alright, well. Soth, you…" I'd changed to "Alright, Soth. Well, considering you…"
- I would change "putrefact" to "putrid" or some other synonym. Not only is putrefact an archaic word that wouldn't be used by the average person in the late 90's, but it is a verb that means "to make putrid, or to putrefy," meaning the way it is used in your article is not correct.
- I'd rewrite "Well Soth, I would like if you went over to the ending of this situation." to read somewhat like the following: "Well Soth, I would like it if you were to go over how this whole situation ended." But I find even that doesn't sound natural. Perhaps you should rewrite the sentence entirely; I would recommend reading any dialogue you write outloud to see if it sounds natural coming from a human's mouth.
- I'd change "When I heard the planes you people had, I could only grab the wall near me." to, "When I heard the planes, I started hugging the wall closest to me."
- I'd change "…what I know is yet another Hell." to, "…what I knew was going to be yet another Hell."
- The phrase "The Jungle" is capitalized for seemingly no good reason. I'd just change it to "that jungle," and maybe remove the quotation marks. Either way, I don't know if simply referring to the RPC as a jungle is specific enough. Perhaps make it more obvious that Dr. Jozef is referring to the anomaly in question.
- I'd change "…if another war happens again in here." to, "…if another war happened here."
- I'd change "That's quite a lot of info. Soth, thanks for being this brave, but I think the interview has run out of time." to "Thank you for the information, Soth, your bravery is commendable. However, I believe we are out of time."
- "It was good to let all that experience out of my head, doctor. Is the badge on the exit?" I'd change to, "It felt to get that all off my chest, doctor. Where do I get my badge?"
- "When they took me here, they said I did a good job out there. That I needed a badge maybe." I'd rewrite to read something similar to the following: "When your people brought me in, they said I did a pretty good job out there. That I needed a badge, maybe."
- "They were joking, I'm pretty sure. They aren't wrong, though. But that is all, thanks again." I would change to read something similar to the following: "They were joking, I'm pretty sure, but they aren't wrong. Once again, I would like to thank you for your time. Exit is on your left." (or right, if you prefer)
- I don't think the closing statement, in its current form, is very fitting for the Authority. Would the U.S. Army recruit a civilian to their upper echelon, much less without training, just for doing something one commanding officer found impressive?
- I'd change "…██████, Cambodia. In which RPC-140 had taken place in…" to, "…██████, Cambodia, in which RPC-140 had manifested in…"
- I'd change "The plants were horrible, they ripped through streets like a swarm." to something like, "Those plants were horrible, they ripped through the streets like they were made of paper."
- I'd change "It is completely reasonable to be scared of that plant. You are courageous though, your video shows you getting into a window from a building, and then filming this swarm." to something like, "Your fear was justified, rest assured. You were very courageous to have gotten so close to that swarm just to capture it on film."
- "It was so fucking evil!" almost comes off as comical. I would suggest replacing it with something else that conveys a similar message to the reader.
- "It's not human enough…" I'd change to, "It wasn't human enough…"
- I'd change "Right, I'll move to the last part and I will be done." to, "Before we have you go, I'd like to ask you just one more question." And on the topic of what comes next, I find the doctor asking Veasna for her reaction would do nothing but cause the interviewee in question discomfort, while providing no useful information. But that's just my opinion.
- I would change the word putrid in the phrase "putrid blood" to something else, considering putrid was already used earlier on in the interview. It would add more variety to your word choice.
- "They were botanists from what they were wearing, nothing that said why they were there, just a back logo saying "I-40"" I'd change to say, "They were botanists from what I could tell from what they wore, but I wasn't sure. They had some sort of number on their backs, "I-40," I think."
- I'd change "…from toes to head." to, "…from head to toe."
- "…I woke up and I saw how a chunk of the building was ripped off." I'd change to something like, "…I woke up and I saw a chunk of the building was just…gone."
- "Just exit the interview now. Thanks for taking your time." I'd change to, "In any case, this interview is now over. Thank you for your time."
- I'd change "Veasna ████ had received Ex. G-3 and subsequently released." to "Veasna ████ received Class (choose A, B, or C) EGs and was subsequently released."
- I would change "…which RPC-140-1 appear…" to, "…which RPC-140-1 appeared…"
I fixed some things, I hope you find them fitting. But anyways thanks for taking your time critiquing this article.
Was this posted on the SCP before?
Not calling it out for that, considering I'm sure you're the same author. But I swore I'd seen this on the SCP. And I liked in on the SCP, so I like it on here.
(V) (;,,;) (V)
The MST mentioned in this article has been replaced to reduce MST bloat.
noting here that I changed the mention of ASF from being a part of protection to being a part of containment to reflect changes in lore