Nice seeing this on the Database page
RPC-115 / Discussion
Forum
» Hidden / Per page discussions
» RPC-115
This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-115.
Nice work you've done here! It felt really refreshing as a concept. Should serve as an example to be followed.
The CPs do a great job of exposing the extreme need for containment and how urgently it must come about. It shows the reader how dangerous the anomaly is and prepares them for what is to come.
The first paragraph of the description gives a great sense of disorientation caused by the anomaly's slippery nature.
The second showcases with competence the properties of the briefcase.
The third scares and worries more the reader by exposing how ubiquitous the anomaly seems to be and how powerful it is.
His power is also nicely showcased in the interview. In the end, when the anomaly says the he wants to "balance the world out" it was interesting, because it felt like he was just saying something that he said to everyone who questioned him on his intentions, as a way to please them with some answer and hide his true one.
The message to regional directors gives interesting characterisation of the Authority, by showing that it aims to acquire the powerful briefcase. It also hammers down on the urgency of the situation.
(+1)
Thanks for the support, means a lot.
I really wanted to grab the readers attention and really get across the situation.
I like it, it uses the vagueness to it's benefit. We've got a shape shifting psycho Mary Poppins. There isn't much to not like with that.
(account deleted)Rise and shine, Mister Freeman, rise and … shine. Not that I wish … to imply that you have been sleeping on … the job. No one is more deserving of a rest, and all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until … well … let's just say your hour has come again. The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference … in the world. So, wake up, Mister Freeman. Wake up and … smell the ashes.
I want to like this article, it's kind of interesting and it's an idea i'd be a fan of, but it's just so empty of content and wonky that I can't right now.
The crux of my problems is that he's just not purple-worthy, and his actual effects aren't at all worth the urgency the article is putting through. He's funding terrorists that already exist, by providing them fairly mundane physical objects like weaponry. He's got capacity for causing harm by empowering pre-existing threats, but he himself isn't one and not particularly more dangerous than other objects beyond that he's uncontained.
The focus on his briefcase is weird too, because it seems like the authority thinks (without telling us why) that it's the secret to his true powers or something and is completely independent of the character.
The format is kind of weird too, the containment protocols shouldn't have a longer paragraph about what should be done with his briefcase in the case he's contained (because that's not really what the containment protocols for an uncontained entity should be in the first place) and the containment protocols shouldn't be "if he appears, go catch him" in that level of detail.
The first paragraph of the description is fine but is still really rough with some of the wording, and all the briefcase stuff should be in it's own paragraph rather than being mixed between the two. "7.62x39mm AK-47 assault rifle" really shouldn't be an example because it's really clunky wording and not really relevant at all, it should mention one smaller item in a vague way and then expand out to talk about larger objects in a similar level of detail.
The "A few more questions were asked but no more info could be gathered, therefore Ibrahim [REDACTED] was returned to his cell." at the end of the interview was weird too, we should be shown these questions without answers and there should be a more conclusive end than that he… ran out the clock and got to go back to (an authority?) cell.
The final security clearance thing, though, is maybe the biggest shame of the entire article since it has so much potential to give a real nice stinger to the article. Before clicking it I was thinking "oh whoa, is the authority going to be getting supplied by him too? that'd be really cool as a twist, and be appropriate with his MO, as well as making sense as to why they want his brief case in particular" but… no, it's just the first paragraph at the top of the page again, with the caveat that they're also allowed to kill him if taking him alive is too much trouble. It's just… sort of disappointing.
I think this idea is fascinating and it's halfway to being a decent article, but I can't vote this highly in good conscious based on that
I'm honestly not all that impressed with the way it was written, due to the fact that it blatantly states it starts conflicts instead of stating it is capable of convincing others and then it being stated that it has the intentions of causing conflicts. That a 2 star from me.
Dreams. Each man longs to pursue his dream. Each man is tortured by this dream, but the dream gives meaning to his life. Even if the dream ruins his life, man cannot allow himself to leave it behind. In this world, is man ever able to possess anything more solid, than a dream?
~Kentaro Miura
Another read I enjoyed, makes me happy to see the spanish translations are accurate.
Yet another article in which nothing really happens. Sure, it tells us what it did, but it does not elaborate on the consequences of it. Something as simple as a table of contents indicating relations between RPC-115 and violent insurgencies around the world would work smoothly with it, but the article decides to end with a short and irrelevant collapsible.
I will be reminiscing of Togetic's words from 2 years ago, it's halfway to a decent article. A damn good one, provided some love and ingenuity is put into it.
2 stars, for being halfway decent.
/forum/t-6265520/rpc-115#post-