RPC-089 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-089.

McJazzy 27 Jun 2018 15:54

I like it, but I have to point a few things out:

Why is the word for what the hands do to the victim censored? From what is read it is obvious that it chokes them to death. Just say that, or remove the evidence of it being choking.

Also, why is the hand owner the prime suspect in the investigation if he killed himself a year ago? It would be better to say something like "The Authority was alerted when it was found that evidence (maybe put fingerprints?) in the investigation lead to it being John Doe, who committed suicide a year ago." Probably not the best way to say it but it's just an example.

This last one is a little nitpicky, but it might be good to get rid of the part in the suicide note that mentions actually making a deal with the devil. Just leaving it with the guy in the suit is much more interesting imo.

(account deleted) 28 Jun 2018 00:23

You make some valid points.

I suppose going into detail in regards to how the hands 'attack' would flesh it out a bit more.
In regards to our suicidal musician being the prime suspect, the fingerprints was how I'd imagine he became the suspect to begin with despite his 'death' being documented a year prior.

This was meant to be enigmatic, so the whole 'faustian deal' is suppose to be subtle. I'll consider retracting the 'deal' portion from the note. Thanks for the feedback, amigo.

Metric to Imperial system

Leviticus_VQ 01 Jul 2018 16:12

Just a small but important note: measurement inconsistency.

a 5m x 5m x 5m observational chamber at Research Site 24. The chamber is to be constructed of 2 inch thick

The authority uses the metric system, like the foundation, so try to keep all measurements in metric units.

Another small inconsistency

Leviticus_VQ 01 Jul 2018 16:15

To date, RPC-089 has successfully breached containment █ times when in the presence of RPC-089-B, resulting in the two casualties.

The black box implies there were a small number of breaches while "the two" implies there were only two and both resulted in casualties. I suggest either saying "resulted in casualties during two of the breaches" or not disclosing the amount of casualties at all.

Re: Another small inconsistency

(account deleted) 01 Jul 2018 21:09

I appreciate the feedback, especially the metric system thing - meant to keep it all metric.
As for the amount of casualties, that was another overlooked detail. The number of breaches was meant to be in the double digits, implying the RPC has breached containment 10 or more times and resulted in an undisclosed number of causalities. Adjustments have been made.

(account deleted) 03 Jul 2018 05:25

footnotes 4 and 5 really should just be included in the document itself, other then that I liked it.

+1

5150wned 04 Oct 2021 10:38

3/5 overall

4/5 premise
2/5 delivery. Redactions hurt the article.
3/5 grammar

Almarduk 15 Jan 2022 19:02

The test log by the middle is a repetition of the description, it provides nothing to the article.

What's there is good, I just don't think there's enough at all for what the concept provides.