This kind of reminds me of the running idea many schizophrenics have about sinister machines used to influence their thoughts, but it doesn't do much with that idea. Downvote for now.
RPC-008 / Discussion
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Synthesizing and injecting neurotransmitters in the air sounds more like a mad scientist’s line.
Im watching this page
with the downvote bots taken out along with the correctors this article is at +2 realistically
I actually want to invest in anti-bot software or a moderator who is assigned only to to not control.
Anyway this sort of article is one that needs just that bit more revision as there are some quite off putting areas that really need work. -1 for now
Edit: Jesus Christ the “look who rated this page” is like The battle of Kursk!
You make mention of a "ASF squadron 'Pallbearer'" in your article. Given how it's functionally identical to a MST, I would recommend referring to it as one. If you're unaware of how MSTs are named, read the "Mobile Strike Forces" section of the Security & Clearance Levels page, found in the drop-down list under Operational Info.
Not a fan of this one. "Mind control gun" is way too clichéd of an idea, and it would be a big undertaking to actually handle that concept in a new and interesting way. This article has tried, but I don't think it has managed to do that.
No signature defined.
Not a bad article, but not particularly outstanding either, I found this to be lukewarm.
(account deleted)So in lieu of recent discussion with curation team, I am going to do a line-by-line examination of this piece to point out any issues in the clinical tone and/or the anomaly itself.
Containment Protocols:
RPC-008 is to be held within Site-004s
Be sure to include a possessive in 'Site-004s.' (Site-004's)
Be warned that test subjects affected by RPC-008 may take on hostile and violent actions.
Iffy on clinical tone, should be rewritten to: "Personnel are to remain alert of hostile behavior of subjects affected by RPC-008."
The threat of an uncontained device similar to RPC-008 is marked as HIGH by Authority.
Elaborate on this specifically, is this informing personnel that they should prioritizing items similar to RPC-008? Or anomalous breaches propagated by RPC-008? Or ensuring the security existing copies of RPC-008 in containment?
Should any Authority personnel exhibit anomalous insanity or behavior, ASF should be deployed to research the potential uncontained device.
Replace 'anomalous insanity or behavior' -> 'suspicious behavior.' Also, the ASF should not be deployed to research the device, they're to ensure that it remains in custody.
Description:
RPC-008 is an electronically operated device composed of a ████ model electroencephalograph
Why are the model details censored? There's no point in doing so unless it somehow propagates a cognitohazardous effect.
RPC-008 is powered by a 12 volt car battery (35 amp-hour) or optionally, an external power source may be plugged in.
Latter half of the sentence should be trimmed down: '… (35 amp-hour) or an external power source.'
A copper-██████ alloy antenna included with RPC-008 must be assembled in order for the device to work.
No point in censoring the metallic elements of the item.
PoI #582 confessed to achieving a range of 60 km by illicitly attaching the device to a radio tower.
This should likely be discussed in an addendum where the Authority attempts to test the limits of RPC-008 in terms of its operational range. Or you may generalize the claim to the maximum operational range so that it fits with the overall tone of the description.
Thus far, two-hundred-and-thirty-seven (237) people have been affected by RPC-008 outside of Authority supervision. An additional twelve (12) have been tested on with Authority approval.
Don't use both Arabic and word-based numericals, these are only used in pharmacology to determine dose count. I recommend that you utilize Arabic (I.E. '237') in order to avoid accumulating fluff in this paragraph.
Addendum:
several insane asylums across the state of Oklahoma
When was this study conducted? If it's contemporary time, then insane asylums are no longer in use and it would be more appropriate if it was referred to as 'behavioral health centers.'
ASF squadron 'Pallbearer' was deployed to assist Dr. Jefferson with the containment of the asylum patients when Pallbearer noted unusual interference with their communications equipment.
ASF is strictly domestic, security-based bodies. An MST would likely be the more appropriate candidates for this operation since it is out-of-site. (although this could just be due to the article's age before canon adjustments were made)
Summation: So, this is a competently written piece with a few bumps and bruises in terms of censoring information and clinical tone. But the issue here is, while the writing and tone are fairly in-tact, the idea falls flat to just being a mind manipulation machine. My recommendation to you is to conceptualize effects that would otherwise not be seen or caused by such a machine.
To provide you an example. Can RPC-008 affect the ontological nature of the subjects? Does this change their perception as to who they are and what their purpose on this Earth is? Or could it cause outright abnormalities beginning with the mind before transitioning to the physical form of the subject? There is much to work off of this current idea in order to truly distinguish it.
For now, I highly recommend you continue developing a rewrite of this piece in order that it maintains both a higher quality and more interesting direction. Take the time to conceptualize and write in draft form before you believe it is ready to be updated.
The homebrew/hacked together description gave me hope but you completely lost me by the fourth paragraph it felt like we were naval gazing in terms of self-description that felt unnecessary and dragged until the inertia stops the flow altogether.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
/forum/t-6191895/rpc-008#post-
