Item: 099
Object Class: Beta
Containment Protocols: RPC-099 is to be kept inside a United States Government Nuclear Regulatory Commission approved safe storage package. At the time of writing this consists of a containment chamber with an outer shell of not less than 0.5 meters of bonded concrete, a rubber inner liner of not less than 12cm, an inner containment vessel of 3 centimeters bituminous steel, and an internal layer of lead foil of not less than 3 millimeters thickness. An observation port of leaded glass, shielded with a closeable outer cover of 5 millimeters steel is to be used for direct observation of RPC-099
Item Description: RPC-099 is a 30.48 centimeter tall oblate spheroidal container, made from glazed, cured and fired ceramic. A 120 millimeter wide opening is at the top of the item, covered by a lid of identical material. Embossed on the side of the jar in English is the word COOKIES!, with a sculpted bee above the first "O". RPC-099 was first recovered In the town of [REDACTED], Iowa, United States after reports of illness and injuries consistent with extreme radiation exposure reached Authority agents working in the county's hazardous materials emergency management department. The four members of the [REDACTED] family within the household where RPC-099 was recovered had gone to a local emergency room showing signs of severe radiation poisoning and burns. Authority personnel dispatched to the house quickly located RPC-099 through it's radiation signature, and found it to be emitting 21,809 roentgens/hr. By comparison, the "Elephant's Foot" of solidified nuclear material beneath the Chernobyl RBMK reactor, was releasing 10,000 roentgens/hr.
RPC-099 was contained and moved to Facility-212 for further study.
Before their deaths, the four members of the [REDACTED] family all corroborated the same story: the jar had been purchased at a local flea-market, located in [REDACTED], from an antiques vendor's booth with the title of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Upon checking rental records at the flea market, no record of a vendor of that name could be located, nor any vendor matching the descriptions given by the family.
Emergency room and hospital personnel were administered Class-A amnesiacs and placed on a Priority observation schedule. The home of [REDACTED] was destroyed in a controlled burn, and local news was told that the deaths of the occupants was due to a house fire caused by a gas leak.
After analysis, RPC-099's mode of initial activation and radiation was discovered: when removed from it's previous location, RPC-099 was discovered to contain fifteen [REDACTED] brand pre-packaged chocolate chip cookies. When a single cookie was removed from the jar, using a nuclear materials handling "Waldo", the radioactive output increased by a factor of [blocked out]. A second cookie was removed in the same fashion, this time causing the radioactive output to [blacked out].
Further Authority analysis of RPC-099 indicates that removal of [blacked out] more cookies will cause SCP-099 to enter a state of active criticality: the object will become so radioactive as to entail a nuclear event.
Placement of cookies back inside the jar have shown no sign of lowering the radioactive output. However, typical radioactive material containment schema contain the emissions within the chamber RCP-099 is currently stored in.
Cookies removed from RPC-099 are highly radioactive, but otherwise show no anomalous properties; this radioactivity has been observed to decay normally, unlike the vessel from which they came.
Studies to determine whether or not in its current state RPC-099 could be used as the core of a thermonuclear generator used to power Site-212 are currently underway, however, any experimentation with RPC-099 must be approved by Authority hierarchy (unanimously).
…
Okay, I have the bits and pieces here (no pun intended). Briefly, it's a dangerously radioactive cookie jar that grows more dangerously radioactive at a geometric rate when cookies are removed from it and doesn't "cool down" when cookies are put back inside.
Wot y'all think?