http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/cosplay-photo-shoot
Hello hello! Took a break from one project to work on this one. I'm p happy with it overall, but I know for a fact I messed up on the clinical tone.
Lemme know how to improve it! It's not the most complex of articles but that's by design this time around!
I like the concept. It would make sense for KK to have some tool that allows them to promote their products, especially one that doesn't require the resource-intensive process of creating a product. It does have some faults. For one, there are a lot of run-on sentences, as well as repetition of words like "however" (See LBL).
I also find the -C instances to be counterintuitive for KK. They're not like A!Co in their business practices; they wouldn't have something that plasters their illegal human trafficking scheme on social media. Plus, outside of pictures of Harley, it doesn't really tie into the rest of the article all that well. I think the -C events should be dropped.
Another element I think should be taken advantage of is the subjects trying to do impossible poses. Having the subjects sustain injuries from the commands they're given adds a degree of grounded body horror.
This could be what replaces the photos being seen by Harley's family. In the field of sex work and creation of pornographic materials, it is a very common occurrence for the subjects in those works to sustain injuries from being directed to engage in certain positions, so this would be a strong opportunity to draw some parallels to this exploitation.
I think there definitely should be a discovery log, because I'm left scratching how the Authority acquired such an object from KK. Maybe you could do something about it being a raid on a photoshoot or something to that effect.
One last minor thing is that your footnotes are inconsistent with their placement. Namely, one's at the end of sentences, some are before the period, others after.
Any other points of correction I outlined in the LBL. I do like it, just needs some kinks ironed out.
RPC-XXX's battery charge must be checked on a daily basis, as doing so does not have any adverse effects this can be done by any Authority staff of level 2 or higher.
Run-on sentence. Add a period after effects.
"Member" should be added after Authority staff.
RPC-XXX is not to have its lens pointed in the direction of a sapient being except during testing.
You could rephrase this to: "Directing RPC-XXX's lens in the direction of any sapient being outside of testing is prohibited."
"My OC, Don't Steal"
Funny, but I feel a more appropriate name should've been chosen. Plus, the protocol isn't elaborated on, so the reader would have no idea what this means.
Any abuse of their suggestibility will result in fitting punishment up to and including termination.
"Fitting Punishment" should be changed to "disciplinary action" for a better clinical tone.
RPC-XXX is a full-frame mirrorless photography camera capable of placing a given subject, referred to as RPC-XXX-A, into a complacent state upon having the camera's lens pointed at them.
Run-on sentence. Could be rephrased as: "RPC-XXX is a full-frame mirrorless photography camera. Any subject that has RPC-XXX's lens directed at them will enter a complicit state. Subjects that enter this state are designated as RPC-XXX-A.
Should also mention it's never specified what happens if multiple subjects are captured in a picture, or if someone turns the camera to take a photo of themself.
Drop "an outfit of that make or design." and just end the sentence at "wear"
The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to an uncomfortable degree, though they will only complain about the outfit's tightness while still trying to put it on.
Could be rephrased as: "The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to a degree in which RPC-XXX-A can't wear it."
The part about RPC-XXX-A complaining about the tightness should be dropped. If the subjects retain their personalities, then it's possible some wouldn't argue.
Should the pose requested be physically impossible for the individual to perform, however, they will attempt to perform the pose as accurately as possible without resorting to self-injury.
Can be rephrased as: "Should the pose requested be physically impossible for the individual to perform, they will attempt to perform the pose as accurately as possible."
it will have the normal function of a typical camera.
Can be rephrased as "…it will function equivalently to any non-anomalous camera."
RPC-XXX-A's brain will become much less active, allowing them to be much more suggestible than before.
This sentence should be dropped. It repeats information already stated in the previous sentence.
Any order given, while keeping them within shot of RPC-XXX's camera lens, will be carried out to exact specifics within possibility
Commas aren't needed.
An impossible task will seemingly be ignored, with no response from RPC-XXX-A.
Redundant information that was already specified earlier in the article.
Should there be 20 photos taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance the 21st photo taken will have the flash on whether or not it was active prior or not.
Can be rephrased to: "When at least 20 photos are taken of an RPC-XXX-A instance, the 21st photo will have the flash active."
You could also reduce the number of photos needed to be taken before -A transition into -B. Maybe something like 5 or 7.
The flash of this particular photo will exceed that of 200,000 Lumens, temporarily blinding all subjects present though not leaving any lasting ocular damage with no exception to proximity.
Run-on sentence. Add a period after subjects.
Everything following subjects can be rephrased as: "No lasting ocular damage has been observed following RPC-XXX's flash."
Also, now starting to wonder: how does RPC-XXX know it's on its 21st picture? Does it just flashbang people every 21 pictures? Lowkey can see an evil fucked-up utility use case for this.
During this time, the RPC-XXX-A instance's form will temporarily morph to become physically similar to known Kabushiki Kawaii products,
Replace comma period with a period.
however all changes to the instance have been entirely cosmetic, with no changes to the RPC-XXX-B instance's internal structure.
Can be rephrased to something like: "All changes to RPC-XXX-B's physical appearance are superficial, with no bearing on its internal anatomy."
I've stated before I think all the -C instances should be removed, but if you're persistent with keeping them in, I recommend placing the paragraphs about them before the table featuring the different -Bs.
In between the Description and Incident log, I think it would be a good place to put a discovery log.
At approximately 2035, within the Anomalous Objects storage wing, Guillermo Rojas, the maintenance team shift lead at the time, and Harley Henderson, a newly hired member of the maintenance team, had been performing regular checks on the units surrounding and including RPC-XXX.
Run-on sentence. I think you could have the positions of Rojas and Henderson be footnotes.
He then proceeded to take another nineteen photos,
Inconsistency: The flash occurs on every 21st photo, but here it occurs on the 20th.
Also, the number is spelled out instead of being written "19". Though maybe it's because it's an incident report? Discard if true.
Finding this comical
This can be dropped for brevity.
Mares: You understand how much trouble you're in, yes?
Can be rephrased as:
Mares: You understand the severity of this situation, Mister Rojas?
Changes made, and discovery added!!! Thank you so much!
The image looks really weird and like a 3D model. I'd recommend looking through wikimedia commons for a pic, such as:
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Leica_M10-P_%22White%22_.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic_Lumix_DC-S5II_with_Lumix_S_50mm_1.8_2023-02-06.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fujifilm_GFX100_26_oct_2019a.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Canon_EOS_R5%2BRF_100-500mm_f4.5-7.1L_IS_USM(17).jpg
or whatever else you find fitting.
does not have any adverse effects
I'd change "does not have" to "lacks"
RPC-XXX is not to have its lens pointed in the direction of a sapient being except during testing.
1. This has been deferred to the Anomalous Object Maintenance Team's management Disregard. As of 7/22/2026 all battery level checks are to be performed by research staff assigned to RPC-XXX.
"research" should be capitalized
how so? is it kept inside a box? a locker? with a piece of cloth covering it? does it not have a lense cap? does "pointed at" only count line of sight?
Protocol XXX-3 "My OC, Don't Steal" should be enacted.
I'd move the paragraph this is in to be the last of the conprots, the shock value of reading that protocol's name is a pretty good hook
While the individual's personality does not change, RPC-XXX-A instances will not refuse to put on an outfit provided to them even if they would not typically prefer to wear an outfit of that make or design
I'd change to: While RPC-XXX-A instances retain their personality, they will not refuse to put on any outfits provided to them, even if their make or design would go against their usual preferences
The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to an uncomfortable degree, though they will only complain about the outfit's tightness while still trying to put it on.
To make this a little more clear you could change it to mean that they will not wear (or be reluctant to wear) outfits that cause them physical harm or discomfort
Once the instance of RPC-XXX-A has put on its provided outfit, they will often claim that they are
Since you use "they", it'd be better to say "Once a instance" here. Also, why "often"? What are the other possibilities here? Do they need to try on several outfits before saying so? If not, remove "often" - and I'd also shorten it to "they [often] will claim to be"
and will wait for direction
and wait for instructions* (double will in the same sentence + "instructions" makes more sense here)
however, they will
unnecessary "however"
it will have the normal function of a typical camera
I'd shorten to "it will function as a", try not to overuse "will" and terms of vagueness such as "often" or "may" in articles unless explicitly necessary
However, should a picture be taken of an instance of RPC-XXX-A, they will enter into a state of much stronger suggestion than before. RPC-XXX-A's brain will become much less active, allowing them to be much more suggestible than before.
I'd change this to something more precise like an acute state of delirium (doesn't mean crazy, look it up) and sedated, altered consciousness. Also, you can cut out " they will enter into a state of much stronger suggestion than before. RPC-XXX-A's " and just join the two sentences together since they both regard the same thing, otherwise you'd be repeating the "suggestible" bit twice
while keeping them within shot of RPC-XXX's camera lens
while keeping in the camera's frame*
Should there be 20 photos taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance, the 21st photo taken will have the flash on whether or not it was active prior or not.
The 21st picture taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance, whatever it was previously active or not, will have its camera flash on*
products, however all changes to the instance have been entirely cosmetic, with no changes to the RPC-XXX-B instance's internal structure.
I'd change the comma for a period and remove the however. Also, you should probably denote what is a -B before talking about it. Maybe specify whatever or not those cosmetic changes eventually revert or not.
20 minutes pass following
remove "pass"
I gotta this, this is a REALLY creepy and uncomfortable anomaly, and that's really good!!!! It's exactly what I'd expect KK to pull off. Maybe leaning into a more clinical tone of its effects could further enhance the creepy factor.
At the time of the raid, an instance of RPC-XXX-B was discovered dressed as an instance of RPC-614 and was terminated on-sight.
the image of an MST squad stumbling into a catgirl in a maid outfit and blowing their shit smoove off is really funny ngl. Also, is this person supposed to be the content creator who, I assume, was kidnapped against their will for these photos?
Control, yes Mister Rojas?
Change comma to period, and a comma after "yes"
Interviewer: Mares Mares
Mares Mares? Typo, or very odd name?
It was pretty good! Honestly, I don't have much to complain about. I do have some suggestions.
I already explained that a bit more clinical tone could help to the creep factor, and maybe expanding on just how much the subject is suggestible after repeated shooting. Otherwise, and I know this may not perhaps be the type of stuff you like to write, which is fine, but I feel you could've gone further with the Incident Report to really drive in how dangerous this thing is. I agree with Adejny in his comments to drawing parallels sexual exploitation with it.
Also, maybe have a section on the conprots about searching for any more instances of RPC-XXX in case they exist? Or something to indicate this was something made by KK or commissioned to someone by them.
Some responses as I work through these! Thank you so much for your input here it's super helpful!
how so? is it kept inside a box? a locker? with a piece of cloth covering it? does it not have a lense cap? does "pointed at" only count line of sight?
I'll add in some specifics to what it's kept in. It does not have a lens cap, I had mentioned it in a footnote I've since deleted. I'll think something up here!
Also, is this person supposed to be the content creator who, I assume, was kidnapped against their will for these photos?
This would have been a model of some kind. Either another cosplayer or a small-time fashion model. Also, the models and such are actually not kidnapped just coerced/paid into doing a photoshoot only for it to be anomalous shit they won't remember. I meant to put that in the discovery but had to leave work before I could. Clicked Save instead of Save Draft ^^;
I'm glad you like it! This is a bit of a deviation from my usual tone so I'm quite nervous. I'll be fully going through Adejny's crit tomorrow at work as it is currently quite late for me.1
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