My critique
"RPC-X is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell with the addition of soundproof walls."
Could probably be shortened to "is to be contained in a soundproof humanoid containment cell"
"headphones to conserve with"
*converse with
"by all on that Site's floor."
Poor wording, "by each member of staff situated on the same floor as RPC-X" would be my choice of words
"stab-proof armour"
Maybe change "armour" to "vest" (the wording is technically correct, just a personal choice).
"AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT TALK OR AGREE WITH IT. -Head Researcher."
Put it in italic and a box
"(The true age of X is believed to be around 60yrs, despite RPC-X saying otherwise)"
Make this a footnote
"RPC-X’s main property appears to be its voice, when heard there is a strong probability of the listener becoming more susceptible and agreeable to requests made by X."
"…to be its voice which, when heard, triggers a subconscious, manipulative effect on susceptible listeners, causing them to become more…" tbh could probably find a better word than subconscious, manipulative
"…commands is as of writing"
missing a coma between is and as
"The severity of potential agreeableness is as follows:
married with no trauma: <10%, married with previous trauma: 10-20%, married with recent trauma: 20-30%, single with no trauma: <20%, single with previous trauma: 20-40% Single with recent trauma: 40-60% (Variables are highly dependant in individual potential so treat this as a guideline, not the word of god- Researcher Karrie)"
Put it in a table and move the researcher note as a footnote or another box, also might be helpful if we had a total amount of people tested (i.e 100, 200, 500, 1000 ect.ect.) to put it in perspective because it's a bit difficult to quantify the actual data given.
"RPC-X's tertiary property appears to be the functionality of "absorbing" the pain/pleasure inflicted onto a target and processing that into some form of regenerative nutrients. How this process occurs cannot be observed due to the unwillingness of Head Researcher Aki to supply RPC-X any more X-1 instances than necessary to sustain itself. (There is a hypothesis that RPC-X's powers may become stronger with excess "feedings". I don't want to find out if this is right or not. - Head Researcher)"
I find it a bit odd that the authority has no idea how X feeds, surely they must have fed her at least once to know that she can do it. Don't have to be ultra specifics but at least a tentative guess on how the process works. also researcher note footnote or box blablabla
"RPC-X-1 instances are completely subservient target of RPC-X's converted by X lacerating or otherwise wounding a chosen target with its abnormal hand."
extremely poor wording, I don't understand what is trying to be said here.
"Many researchers seem to agree that this is primarily due to an induced dopamine addiction, the previous receptor changes and some activation tied theoretically to RPC-X's pheromones."
"The scientific concensus reguarding RPC-X-1's sadomasochism claims it to be primarily due…" "…and some theorized activation from RPC-X's pheromones"
"…that the RPC has…"
"…that RPC-X has…"
"…but was apprehended alongside it and both were taken to Site-X."
"…however both were apprehended and taken to Site-X."
"…were discovered with an RPC-X-1 instance with severe injuries chained to the bed."
"…were discovered alongside a live RPC-X-1 instance showing severe injuries and chained to the bed."
"The X-1 instance died on route to hospital and all the bodies were cleared of anomalous properties and returned to their respective families."
lead on sentence, replace the "and" in-between "hospital" and "all" to a full stop
"(Leads to the question of if RPC-X sees us all as potential prey)"
Who says this?
"RPC-X during this entire interview was noted as making…"
"Throughout the interview, it was noted that RPC-X was making…"
Regarding the first interview, I didn't see anything too disparaging; however, I feel it would be much more intense if RPC-X named Fujika's child by name or the prefecture he attended (censored, of course) to nail more the idea of her mind-reading ability and up the intensity. Right now, it just seems as if she's describing vague characteristics and just got lucky.
Regarding the second interview, it feels WAY too casual, I have a hard time believing the Authority would by this lax with a clearly dangerous individual who they suspect to be anomalous. Also, the concept of the authority giving the interviewer BACK to RPC-X ON TOP of another CSD for "compliance" is downright CUCKOO BANANAS. The authority would probably rather do exploratory surgery to figure out how RPC-X affects an individual, than just say "ok, here's your sex slave lol pls be nice"
Regarding the Breakthrough: Just cut it, we learn basically nothing new about RPC-X and halfway through, my eyes started glazing over. Maybe that's just me, but that's a whole lot of nothing.
I find the last interview and the head researcher's letter to be comically exaggerated. I swear, hearing him talk, she's an avenger-level threat that will bring the complete downfall of the Authority. At worst, she's a mildly dangerous manipulator. I understand the idea that oooh the GD-OCEA might be a X-1 instance and oooh so spooky, but I find it really hard to take it seriously as a legitimate threat.
Final thought:
Honestly, kind of an underwhelming RPC. The idea is just really generic and almost stereotypical of a KK article, i.e. "le gooner bait". There's nothing that makes me go, "Wow, that is unique/interesting". Just an average succubus type who does crazy, gory stuff. I love gore, and I'm no prude, but this is just a lot of nothing. Also, it's so long for no real reason. I feel this could be cut in half and wouldn't lose much value. This could be salvaged, but only through a major rework/rewrite. I hate to sound like a dick, but that is my opinion.
I hope you enjoyed reading my critic as much as I enjoyed writing it.
