Psychic 3
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/looking-glass-labyrinth
Introduces the VidiCap and Site-101.
Psychic 3
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Summary:
finally bruh
Line-by-line Crit
The file you are about to access describes events, procedures or items relevant within Site-101.
TO
The file you are about to access describes events, procedures, or items relevant within Site-101.
All inmates are designated according to the type of their psychic abilities, and cell location.
TO
All inmates are designated according to the type of their psychic abilities and cell location.
Colliqually known as the “Song of Grounding” or "Resistance Chanting”
TO
Colliquially known as the “Song of Grounding” or "Resistance Chanting”
Duchamp Psalm remains as a traditional practice in west European anti-psychic spheres.
TO
Duchamp Psalm remains as a traditional practice in West European anti-psychic spheres.
RPC-266-LAW’s logical remodelling of Site-101
TO
RPC-266-LAW’s logical remodeling of Site-101
The Purity might need reminding on its current purpose.
TO
The Purity might need a reminder of its current purpose.
Believe the Purity to be exceedingly obtuse
TO
Believe the Purity to be exceedingly obtuse.
Purities are not lobotomized
Purities are still human beings
Purities can feel the entire sensory spectrum, despite not expressing such
TO
Purities are not lobotomized.
Purities are still human beings.
Purities can feel the entire sensory spectrum, despite not expressing such.
The Paideia is a perfect radio that sends not confessions, but dialects qualia.
TO
The Paideia is a perfect radio that sends not confessions, but dialectical qualia.
We are comparingly alone.
TO
We are comparatively alone.
Judiciary units are to record and report drastic changes, as well as drafting proposals for RPC-266.
TO
Judiciary units are to record and report drastic changes and updated draft proposals for RPC-266.
abandoned its previous form of physical documentation written by Site Directior Jean-Baptiste De Pontes.
TO
abandoned its previous form of physical documentation written by Site Director Jean-Baptiste De Pontes.
It will hold only the most despicable of psitain, only the aggressors for whom
TO
It will hold only the most despicable of psitains, only the aggressors for whom
Human Resources have prepared various scripts to explain the victims’ absence.
TO
Human Resources has prepared various scripts to explain the victims’ absence.
it is predicted that the subject can re develop qualia at a healthy,
TO
it is predicted that the subject can redevelop qualia at a healthy,
A video tape recorded by Aliénor Moreau depicting
TO
A videotape recorded by Aliénor Moreau depicting
An audio cassete recorded by Jean-Baptiste De Pontes,
TO
An audio cassette recorded by Jean-Baptiste De Pontes,
There’s not enough prisons.
TO
There aren’t enough prisons.
Paideia Pacakages, unlike direct dialectics, are not transmissions of qualia.
TO
Paideia Packages, unlike direct dialectics, are not transmissions of qualia.
The Warden personally selected PSE-1/012 as premiere subject.
TO
The Warden personally selected PSE-1/012 as premier subject.
The Inmate is resigned comatose in the north eastern corner. His eyes flutter.
TO
The Inmate is resigned comatose in the northeastern corner. His eyes flutter.
SOCIAL VULNERABILITY, commonly known as POVERTY or XENOPHOBIA or OPPRESSION or INNEQUALITY
TO
SOCIAL VULNERABILITY, commonly known as POVERTY or XENOPHOBIA or OPPRESSION or INEQUALITY.
The vision a blur. My qualia, unrefined. Moreau, the lawabider.
TO
The vision a blur. My qualia, unrefined. Moreau, the law-abider.
I place the lenses over my eyes, transmitting qualia to the main unit; which rattles in response. The prison must bend to deliver me awareness, that is its nature.
The images upon the red mirrors shifts and changes, metamorphosizes, no doubt to show me what I must see.
TO
I place the lenses over my eyes, transmitting qualia to the main unit; which rattles in response. The prison must bend to deliver me awareness; that is its nature.
The images within the red mirrors shift and change, metamorphosing, no doubt, to show me what I must see.
"RPC-266-LAW’s logical remodelling" Is it mentioned anywhere on the website what LAW means? If not, make a footnote on it. (After reading a bit further, seems it means Lesser Anomalous Work? Maybe make a footnote on it?)
You need to explain what the purities are. Are they a part of the site? They an instance connected to the Anomaly? You need to explain this somewhere. (After reading further, I get what Purities are but MAN this needs to be explained earlier, given no context it just confuses when reading the escape attempt)
"The main concern is the first title, which has rendered the Site’s officers to anoetic entities." YES, THIS NEEDS TO BE PUT IN THE DESCRIPTION SOMEWHERE. The fact that it turns the site's officers into instances needs to be explained early on, parts in the Containment protocols, maybe about how to interact, or not to, and the decription on how this is handled with, for example, rotating guard shifts or new recruits
For the Incident log in exhibit A.1, you have END VISUAL TRANSCRIPT at both the start and end
"I didn’t… I not mean it"
"I not mean it" doesn't make grammatical sense
"He begins knocking on the planes" You mean "Panes"?
There's some work that needs to be done for this piece, as well written as it is…seriously i had a hard time finding things to critique, I feel like there needs to still be a bit more consideration given to what the anomaly does not to just the location, but the people inside. There also needs to be a bit of an earlier explanation for the purities, otherwise this was a fuckin BENDER to read on, rabbit hole after rabbit hole of intriguing ideas.
Ambitious as ever, and you do it justice on all fronts… at the detriment of it being digestible and, in turn, at a cost of clarity. The two major culprits here are: how you chose to deliver this information, and your tendency to use overly clinical terms (cubital cleft, right dorsal arm, etc). I fear the former will force you to restructure and rearrange a lot of how this is conveyed. Additionally, prose is a minor issue, which I've addressed below to some degree.
It relies on a TON of overly expository footnotes, which break the flow. Much of this information is newly introduced, and that caused me to reread the same paragraphs where this info was presented. I'm thinking that instead, you can include them in the containment protocols as a crosslinked supplemental document (i.e. For more information, refer to Site-101 Special Procedures). Ask yourself how much of this cool yet extraneous information needs to be in the same document, and what you can reword to circumvent this issue. Lastly, I think the site could use an image of its facade at the beginning of the article.
I will say I was entertained for much of this, and your dialogue has gotten more natural than before. The ending in particular was done exceedingly well, and I commend you for it. It's only what I've described above that's problematic (I had to take several breaks once I got to the Exhibits), and I can't say I've addressed it all myself, so I'd advise another set of eyes on this before publishing.
Maybe it's just me, but I think mirror is a better synonym for looking glass, and Mirror Labyrinth has a nicer ring to it.
You may want to change the disco div background-color property to var(—background-4) to accommodate the white theme, since it is unreadable in it.
Footnote 1 (Limited)
You could say "Examples include a limited capacity to:" or include its inhibition connected with the mechanical world proper.
Personnel assigned to Site-101 must be briefed on the contents and manifestations of RPC-266-LAW provisions, as well as their variance.
Eikon: Enforcement of thought-forms into physical reality
and then then even Sophia and Eikon start giving form to thought.
with novel developments accordingly
as opposed to general developments?
RPC-266-QUILL will can not be mirrored in the reflective surfaces covering the Warden’s Office. It will does not respond to any attempted interaction
making it reminiscent of a civil law system.
Using correct legal terminology and etiquette has been proven to increase the rate of successfully success-rate of amending RPC-266-LAW
Antimemetics
1996 Site-101 underwent a jailbreak by intimate PSE-1/012.
You mean inmate?
Below Attached is footage recorded shortly before PSE-1/012 attempted escape
Since it's contained in sidetabs and not below.
Yes. All the great lawmakers did.
Ouch! Let go of my hand!
You can use a better interjection than ouch here. I personally find it hard to believe.
as knower scholar of his character
breathes superficially
What does that even look like for the video log to pick up?
The group recruits a female Purity and prepares a Paideia class VidiCap for emergency dialectics to on G31.
Secretary Aliénor Moreau enters, asking what caused and asks about the commotion.
Personnel begin accumulating gather within the Monitoring Quarters to perform dialectics with the Purities.
The accumulated guards have begun to emit ocular luminance, and gone quiet
Try:
Gathered guards go silent and begin emitting ocular luminance.
Elongated, and theatrical trials, records describing crime in detail, guards whose sole purpose is to know and confront the prisoner
I have a vision: a failed Directorate Prison; remade into an impenetrable dungeon.
I don't see the point of the semicolon here, as the first sentence is irrelevant to the solution. Remove the semicolon.
Site-101 personnel may access this compilation
You mean this article? If you meant edits, you should say edit history instead. If you meant exhibits, say compilation of exhibits.
We simply can not survive by letting them go.
My assumption, anyway.
I’d like to ask those of you who are close with to the victims' families to be stay present for them.
INCIDENT LOG: PSE-1/012 MISDEMEANOR #7
The transcript begins with [END VISUAL TRANSCRIPT]. Also, shouldn't it be AUDIOVISUAL since the dialogue is auditory?
ASF Officer G159 is taking nourishment delivering a meal to cell 12
tsk tsk you and purple prose are inseparable!
producing an anoetic entity termed the Shaved Purity.
If multiple people can be called the Shaved Purity, then it implies they are a single entity. "You are the Shaved Purity, and also you are the Shaved, too!"
The second phase will synthesize psychism in the prepared participant using the Hemi-Sync technique.
Is this saying a technique known before the discovery of 675 or after? Cause if it's the latter, this 1989 excerpt contradicts their discovery 11 years after, quote:
RPC-675 was brought to the attention of the Authority on June 15th, 2000
Eitherway, I think you want to explicitly date the MK document in 675 to avoid confusion.
It is hypothesized that by using the perception modulating properties of videric substances
Items of personal significance / Items of familiar significance
I'm assuming they also need to be associated with the new memories implanted, no? If so, you wanna put that distinction in the hypothesis or methods section.
Items can be requested from by the participant.
Ludovico treatment
From what I understood from associating pain with internal anguish, it's employing guilt/shame for their disorders? I also advise the mechanism be directly below the type of treatment; it flows better that way.
Warden, what is this?
His eyes are open slightly in to a slit.
Perhaps both work fine…?
Low, nonsensical vocalizations are murmured consistently
An audio recording on VHS cassette created by Jean-Baptiste De Pontes
Never heard of a VHS for sole auditory recording.
I must deconstruct it, touch it, strip it of all allure, reveal it for the banality it is.
I think "touch it" then "deconstruct it" follows the progression of thoughts better.
I remember watching you and your girls playing Perched Cat Chat Perche in the burbonyard bourbon yard.
busying yourself with that little crocheted pocket mirror, and dusting off the mud.
The enclosure measures a symmetrical four cubic meters.
Four cubic meters?? To put this into prespective, the closest approximation of a dimension exponentiated by 3 is 1.6 meters. That's constantly-hunched-over small. Eight cubic meters (23) is more realistic.
Where? When? What? Who? - expected inquiries. Unconfirmed,
Unanswered?
Who’s Whose genius idea is this?
The Inmate has slept and awoken twelve times.
You have created inadequate statutes.
The boy stumbles in, reeking of smoke and cheap Ppastis and smoke.
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