Another WWWJ article because this format is fun to write
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/wwwj-articler
They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse.
Ever since the concept of the Veil itself has been established, the progress of science has undergone a massive shift towards the study that can be made public, and that can never be revealed to anyone.
I think you can elaborate what this shift is like in practice. A statistical pattern in research documentation, or a real life incident like shutting down the department of education in the U.S. Drawing a real life parallel and coming up with insane motives behind its occurrence is the exact kind of news you'd expect from reading these. Make schizo true. You can say the next paragraph answers this, but my point is we want more of this.
I can't say much about this, especially given I haven't read the crosslinked articles, besides it being boring. It could be the crosslinked articles is what elevates this, but it needs to stand on its own as well. If you want people to be gravitated towards these two articles, this needs to be their hook to reading them. If you'd rather it focus on worldbuilding, I wish to know more about Fulwell Awards, the others competing and their exhibits, maybe even a speech from Yushatyr that hints about her past and association with No.0288, given there are still things this velied institute may not need to know.
This is the highlight of the article. It's not my thing but I like it just fine. I still think you can add further background info into occult investigators before the interview. Perhaps describe other occult investigators and how only Hermes perked up for this interview against the odds, or some of Magnus' achievements Kovack looked into before the interview as preface. Hell, this could just be a sponsor to Magnus' services, you could include the business card design this guy would carry around at the end. Also
Do things Hu the book, never step over the law.
Do things by the book?
The collapsible should be a message incoming or something along these lines. A better idea, since I find the message at the bottom of the page implausible for this format, is a notification bell present throughout each page. It shows a red dot at this page which when clicked would show the message below. Similar to a footnote, in fact you probably can achieve this function with just that.
The message itself is great, and a good demonstration of WWWJ's limits on what they can cover.
Take it Heed this as a friendly little warning.
The subjects are interesting and you explore what you can do with the format well, it just needs an inquisitive push from the writers covering these stories. In fact, journalism tends to break boundaries on about every article to get that extra bit of information people are looking for, cause subscribers reading this journal may as well be paying a pretty penny to stay informed on veiled matters. Otherwise they'd probably unsubscribe.
This legislation will especially affect gray zones such as indigenous societies in Asia and Sufi orders in the Middle East.
Perhaps include examples to make it clearer to the reader, maybe highlight one specific Sufi order that deals with the anomalous.
…to either fully immerse themselves unveiled world…
To either fully immerse themselves in the unveiled world.
…may find their publications quietly altered, reclassified, or removed by authorities, potentially fatal results as scientific disinformation is being encouraged.
Add a new sentence. Try:
…may find their publications quietly altered, reclassified, or removed by authorities. This will likely produce fatal results as scientific disinformation is being encouraged.
Ever since the concept of the Veil…
You didn't capitalize the V in veil previously. Settle on one way to write it. I'm personally leaning towards capital V, as it's not just any veil, it's The Veil.
…the progress of science has undergone a massive shift towards the study that can be made public, and that can never be revealed to anyone.
I kind of understand this part of the sentence but I feel it needs to be re-worded. Maybe say scientific progress is divided between public and Veil science? Or it's heavily favoring public, un-Veiled science that's (as previously mentioned) full of disinformation due to the Veil?
The result of this split of science has also led to atrocities against humankind. The protection of monsters that are better left dead, and rumors of human experimentation from the very government that seeks to create a clear border between exoteric and esoteric knowledge.
Why is this two sentences? The second sentence isn't even technically a sentence.
The Cornwall Institute is an ancient educational institution…
The usage of the word "ancient" makes it sound like this university's been operating since ancient times, which I wouldn't put it past an anomalous institution but it kinda demands explanantion. Maybe give the exact year it started like:
The Cornwall Institute is an ancient educational institution that has fostered strange and extraordinary individuals since [YEAR].
This story follows the winner of this year's winner, a girl with the alias of 'Yushatyr',
Try:
The winner of this year's Fulwell Awards is Yushatyr from Russia.
And then get into how she got her name, etc.
Her years with the Russian Federation wouldn't last, as her father's involvement with the ongoing Russo-Ukrainian conflict forced her parents to send their daughter to the United Kingdom in 2018.
Weird wording. Also if her dad was involved with the war why'd it force her to leave? I think it'd make more sense if she was sent away to avoid being threatened by the Russian government or something.
Once she came of age, she would be enlisted…
Tense change. Try:
When she came of age, she was enlisted…
…she was under the wardship of an aristocratic ghost from the 17th century, a spectral being of pure silver, if you would believe it.
Again, weird wording. Also, weird placement. Why mention her guardian after mentioning events that happened when she came of age?
Such an invention earned her the Fulwell Awards from the Cornwall Institute.
She did not earn multiple awards, did she?
An aristocratic ghost - have you ever heard of such a thing? Yet her kind is not rare within the United Kingdom’s special agencies.
Yes, I have, actually. Try:
Ghostly aristocrats are not uncommon in the United Kingdom. In fact, the UK government tends to employ the ghosts of deceased nobles.
Or something along those lines.
The details aren't clear, but what we do know is that she was once a young noblewoman who died of pneumonia in the early 17th century,
I think the details could be clearer. If we knew how she died, we should surely know her name at the very least. Try:
After her untimely death in 17XX, [NAME]'s spirit and likeness have somehow imprinted on a silver mirror. She works for the government and lives with Yushatyr etc. etc.
The dialogue needs a lot of work. I know it's an interview, but the way the interviewee spills out multiple paragraphs while the interviewer only says five words per interaction feels unnatural.
We know you have your personal agents amongst us; we have agents of our own amongst you, too, and if you take any more wrong steps, we will take necessary measures to silence you.
Why would they reveal that they have spies in the Authority?
The first article hooked me real good by presenting an idea I hadn't really thought about: Veil policy. What laws and regulations define the Veil? What are the consequences of upholding the Veil? Are there any interest groups who would be invested in altering the policies made around upholding the Veil? Excellent article. Not much to criticize there.
Second article was pretty interesting. I liked the exploration into the secret sorcerer culture of the RPC universe. However, the odd wording at times weakened the article.
Third article is the weakest due to the weirdness of the dialogue. It also reads more like a book than a news article when the journalist is describing the setting of their interview. I do like the magic detective thing, though, and there are so many avenues you could go with it, should you decide to expand the dialogue.
I like that the fourth article is censored when the first article was complaining about censorship. Also the way the WWWJ addresses the reader directly at the end is cool. Reminds me of a few really great SCPs.
Overall, pretty good stuff you got here. If you improve the second and especially third articles a little, I think you'd be worthy of my +5 stars.
