couple accidentally adopts a dryad
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couple accidentally adopts a dryad
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» couple accidentally adopts a dryad
Summary:
a newspaper format
It's good to see this idea put to practice within the RPC universe. It's a really cool concept, and vehicle to expanding lore in little increments here and there with GOIs and AOIs and everything in between. That said, only the first two article are entertaining to read. While the latter two fit in-universe, they're not presented in the way this format would enhance them. Expand on them a bit more; Editorials and commentary on geopolitical concerns within the anomalous world would be the fresh feel sought reading this format, rather than keeping it in blurbs. I also think as though the prose and style of writing is indistinguishable from one another, as though it weren't written by a team journalists, editors, volunteers (anonymous tip?), etc.
This GOI is really interesting to me and I am excited to see what this format will deliver on.
Its a short, accomodating read. I don't have much to say about it; the content is intriguing, but it doesn't tell me much about how WWWJ operates, relates to the veil etc, which I think would be the most interesting part. Especially with allowing exta-authoriterial perspectives on anomalies that teeter the veil. But this is good consolidation into the lore.
A local Serbian couple
Local to what? As far as we know, the Naked Post is an international edition.
prayed quietly for a miracle.
According to the neighbors?
Over the following week, the couple said they began hearing whispers emanating from the sapling, though they initially dismissed these as tricks of the mind.
Over the following week, the couple began hearing whispers from the sapling, which they initially dismissed as “tricks of the mind”
Further anomalies followed. The sapling began to grow at a rate that was biologically unprecedented.
The Velikićs noticed further oddities, such as the sapling’s unprecedented growth.
Concerned and describing themselves as superstitious, the Velikićs contacted a venerated mystic from a local monastery to inspect the plant for possible spiritual or demonic influence.
Concerned, they contacted a venerated mystic from a local monastery to inspect the plant for possible spiritual or demonic influence. A quote from the mystic here would fit add set up his contact for later.
Authorities later monitored the situation as the sapling continued its rapid growth. Over time, the whispers became more distinct, forming tangible words, and the tree, now christened as 'Anja', began appearing more "human".
The sapling was soon monitored by the Authorities. Its whispers were documented to mature into distinct, tangible words, along with a body described as “anthropomorphic”
The Velikićs grew attached, loving the tree as if it were their own child.
The Velikićs grew attached, and frequently read stories and gave gifts to Anja.
The very image of a dryad from ancient mythologies.
I don’t believe a run of the mill serbian couple would ponder on the ancient mythologies much. Would make more sense if the dryad resembles slavic Vilas.
In a statement published on its official newsletter
The array has a fucking newsletter its a union of AI I don’t think they would generally skip the encryption step of message transmission. Unless this is towards humans which I don’t see why they’d do given they’re AIs working towards a singular purpose. Maybe if they’re requesting help but they say later that they’ll deal with it so what’s the delalio here clanker?
Upon closer analysis, the Array determined that a significant portion of these applicants were not realized artificial intelligences
How they determined this and why now would be fun.
by USOC under the threat of violent execution.
the USOC and what’s the Authority’s take?
The strike on Nucorp Industries continues on
This one feels like a bit of a nothingpost. "It's still happening but GEAR maybe".
I’d recommend putting the author at the end of their segment. Anja picture should have proper citation. Some variation in the text would be nice. Like:
A local Serbian couple, Mr and Mrs.
Could have topics for the segments.
NEWS/WORLD/INDUSTRY…:
Generally speaking, I'd like to see a bit more of how the WWWJ works. How they get their information, how they navigate the veil (especially their relation to it), and a bit of persecution would be nice. I feel its pretty important for the introductory article.
Maybe a document leak for the dryad, a visual rep for the Array newsletter, a call for help from the Nucorp workers.
A local Serbian couple,
Do we need to specify they're Serbian if they're local? Usually if they're local, their nationality isn't specified, but if the journalist is talking about something in a foreign country, he specifies what country they're in. So it could either be:
A local couple,
Or:
A Serbian couple/A couple in Serbia
Several months ago,
Might want to specify how many months.
Over the following week, the couple said they began hearing whispers emanating from the sapling, though they initially dismissed these as tricks of the mind.
I feel like if both of them were hearing whispers, they wouldn't simply dismiss it. People don't usually share auditory hallucinations, nor do they shrug them off. Try:
Over the following week, the couple claimed to have heard whispers emanating from the sapling, although they initially assumed the sound was caused by the wind blowing through the leaves.
Concerned and describing themselves as superstitious, the Velikićs contacted a venerated* mystic from a local nearby monastery…
*If the mystic is venerated, that implies he's well-known among Serbian Orthodox Christians. If that's the case, feel free to name him. (Also I looked into where Site-286 is located and the site index actually got it wrong; it's located in Kosovo, which is Albania technically independent from Serbia, so HA!)
and the tree, now christened as 'Anja', began appearing more "human".
Try:
and the tree began to grow into a shape several onlookers described as "human-like." [Maybe describe certain features of it in between here. Maybe it could have a face, or even a distinct head, neck, and arms?] The Velikićs, having grown attached to the tree, named it 'Anja' and treated it like a daughter.
In December, the couple was surprised to see that the Anja had vanished overnight. Fearing its loss, they searched their home and found, upon their couch, a small figure huddled beneath a wool blanket. She was brown-haired and pale-skinned, it was described as resembling something out of a Renaissance painting. The very image of a dryad from ancient mythologies. The Velikićs did not hesitate. The figure, they stated, was their Anja.
I think this whole paragraph should be reworded to sound less clunky and more like something a journalist would write. Maybe instead of the journalist saying Anja looked like something out of a renaissance painting, he could offer proof and say "DNA testing confirmed the girl was more genetically similar to a post oak than a human" or something like that.
I liked this read. It's short and sweet. The supplemental stories, too, are very amusing. My only gripes are grammatical/wording corrections to make it sound less storybook-y and more like something a journalist would write. Other than that, this has gotten me interested in the WWWJ and I'm eager to see where it goes. Good luck!
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