Silver remembrance
They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse.
Silver remembrance
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Safety Procedures
"[…] the entity have consistently contributed […]" to "[…] the entity has consistently contributed […]"
I think that this flows better with the entity being singular
Synopsis
You describe the apparition as MI0288-01 and later refer to it as MI0288-1, before referring back to -01 in the Acquisition
Attachments
These are awesome, and I am not finding anything that's sticking out to me! I really enjoy how 01 introduces Yushatyr, the characterisation of both MI0288-01 and Yushatyr in the second attachment, and the third attachment is really fun to read :)
It's really cool to see as things get bigger/more complicated, or start to involve the surroundings rather than just direct interactions! The attachments on this article are really well done!
Summary thoughts
I really enjoyed this article! I think from start to finish it's solid—the Acquisition of MI0288 is really sensible. There really isn't anything that breaks the tone of this article! I love it.
I like what I'm reading. My only complaint is that the sections devoted to Yushantyr, while great, take up much of the character-driven segments. I would like to see more of how Sophia views herself: Is she the person she was modeled after, or merely a replica? How does she feel being confined within a locket or within mirrors? Has she ever used her abilities in the line of duty? I'm not saying you should cut down on the Yushantyr sections, but you could afford to elaborate on the star of the article.
In recognition of her long-standing service, MI0288-01 is granted the full privileges of an agency personnel.
Suggestion: I know "personnel" can be used in a singular context, however, its use here threw me off for a second. I would recommend replacing it with another word such as "operative" or "agent" just to avoid confusion.
Participants report either feeling a sense of serenity and/or unease when they're in this field.
Consider:
Participants report feeling either a sense of serenity or ease while in MI0228's area of effect.
MI0288-01 is capable of physically interacting with other entities within reflective surfaces. Participants can hear her voice and feel her touch through the reflection, though direct interaction with her remains impossible. If MI0288-01 attempts to inflict harm, participants experience the associated pain in their physical bodies, but no visible wounds or injuries appear.
Question: Do the visible wounds not appear on their actual bodies, or do they not appear on their reflections in the mirror?
MI0288 was an important heirloom of the Boleyn family for centuries, up until the earrings were mistakenly sold off to the Rothschild family in 1799. Baron Ferdinand Rothschild sent the locket and nearly 300 other antique artefacts to the British Museum and Monarch Security stations in 1898. Ever since then, the artefact has been stationed in Norwich Station.
This section brings up quite a few questions. Do the modern Rothschilds still know of Monarch Security? How much of the anomalous world do they know about? Did they send it to the museum and then they sent it to MS, or did the Rothshilds deliberately send them to both MI13 and the museum?
I make a big point of this because this is a pretty big revelation to make in an article that's not a mainlister or Authority-centric tale. I'd edit this section to say that the Rothschilds sent the article to the museum, who then sent the artefact to MI13.
Since 1922, MI0288 was originally stationed as a sentry at Norwich Station and routinely deployed for field missions throughout Norfolk County.
Consider:
MI0288 was first assigned as a sentry at Norwich Station in 1922 and routinely deployed for field missions throughout Norfolk County.
As of October 2022, however, MI0288-01 formally requested a reassignment of her occupation in order to assume a mentorship role for one of RCS’s young thaumaturges. MI0288 is presently under the supervision of Codicesian “Yushatyr” and continues to accompany her during active field operations.
The first section implies that Sophia is mentoring Yushantyr, but the next section says the artefact is being supervised by her. I know that Sophia is an aretefact without a physical body, but shouldn't it be the other way around?
Attachment-02 ends with exerpts from a journal written mostly in Russian. While Google Translate exists, I feel it'd be appropriate to add a translation in the article.
/forum/t-17254653/silver-remembrance#post-