under the flourescent lights
typo, "fluorescent"
doctor and more like a man who had repeated this action hundreds of times over.
Not uncommon for a doctor. Any person, really. Generally just a conflict of two things that don't stand in opposition.
He looked uncomfortable being inside the sterile lab.
"He looked" is the observation of an outside party, and cannot be immediately linked to being inside the lab.
It starts ideas of
"It starts with ideas of"
and then its speaking
it's
She a carrier for something?
While this is a speech pattern someone may adopt, it doesn't flow very well. "A carrier"
flower buds lodge inside
flower buds lodged inside
its’s a demon
"it's"
But she's just kid, right
"But she's just a kid, right"
eyes. "then maybe I didn’t.
eyes. "Then maybe I didn’t.
though his handwriting soaked with fatigue.
though his handwriting was soaked with fatigue.
Chamer 002
Chamber 002. This typo occurs twice.
Gillan even remember priest
Gillan even remember a priest
incase the
"in case the"
numerous dead cultist and
"numerous dead cultists and"
from the creatures body.
"from the creature's body."
presumed dead cultist.
presumed dead cultists.
It dulls the mind, stretchs every
"It dulls the mind, stretches every"
town who's only
"town whose only"
notable occurence was
notable occurrence was
nonsensical at the time. At the time, Gillan
Looks fugly.
Daniel was a short rotund man
"Daniel was a short, rotund man"
for containment specialist within
for containment specialists within
I know your enthusiastic
I know you're enthusiastic
Authority had become
has
two ASF patroled by,
patrolled
Its not what
"It's not what"
where there assignment
where their assignment
Site-024, Administration Offices
Site-034, Administration Offices
I think it is a functional introduction to the story. What I would like more however, is a greater red line between the segments. Transition from the morgue to the chamber shown a progress of the overarching narrative by revealing acquisition. I wish this trend continued through containment and administration, but they instead fall on exclusively characterization and people talking "about" the anomaly instead of "with it", if you understand what I mean. To put it more clearly, it tells me this anomaly is the main drive of the story, instead of showing me.
Additionally, there is a lot of characters. I don't know how many you plan on continuing with, but it might be worth cutting down on the names and focusing on a couple. As it is, and I'm mostly talking about the first segment, there's a lot of people who blend together, and the reader doesn't get an impression of who is important and who isn't.
Feel free to ask for clarificatuon.