Critique page here: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-17149080/hazard-poker-draft-kamikaze-icebergs
And thanks to DrXOUBLE D, antdem0n, Almarduk, and Wow Very Anomalous for helping me through my first article.
RPC-815 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-815.
Creeperberg
Really vibre with the anomaly. Has some questionable choices but overall they're dismissable 4/5
these icebergs are much faster and can freeze their opponents
Description feels way better than it did in crit. Simple concept, convincingly told, with enough detail to paint a really authentic picture. The bits of ambiguity here and there about 815's nature take it from neat to memorable in spite of some syntax/grammar stutters across the Description.
4/5
For a very simple article, it is pretty good.
The visuals of are appropriately eerie and alien, with even the sketches of one of the victims giving a (possibly) subjective interpretation of the sphere being a fish eye. I'm pretty glad that the article doesn't attempt to take credit for historical events, like sinking the Titanic, and instead goes for a much more interesting, private description in the end.
The only note (aside from not unnecessarily using Latin near the end) is that it could be more expanded on. It's a visually and mechanically interesting anomaly I'd like to know more about its history and effects - currently, the ending sketch diary is good, but I want more.
For a future article, I'd recommend you pick some form of log you particularly like (Such as an interview, diary, exploration log) and try using it to further expand your article.
Very good job! Keep writing!
it's simple, and it works. i'm a fan of ocean anomalies. there's some weird choices in the writing, but they're quite small and i can look past them for a solid and atmospheric little piece. my only real issue is that i'm kinda disappointed the sketches at the end are just coldly described with clinical tone; i feel it would've been more effective if the sketches were actually shown and without added descriptions, more up to the reader's interpretation. +4
blabbo
I enjoy this as a convincing, thematic monster article, but there's not a lot beyond that. Some of the effects are confusing and arbitrary, and I'm guessing they were stretched to fit the hazards, which are at least faithfully matched. The sheer number of different abilities—including a 75 meter radius of telepathy—make the scope of the threat seem nebulous and artificial.
When I put myself in the shoes of a victim, though, it would be a formidable sea monster, and the writer did a good job of entertaining that perspective through context and by suggesting an at least semi-organic entity, as well as its habitat. After all, there's some freaky stuff in the ocean depths. Perhaps I would like it more if it had a stronger focus and a more striking ending. However, it's still a fun anomaly to consider.
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