RPC-XXX "The Air Loom"
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RPC-XXX "The Air Loom"
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» RPC-XXX "The Air Loom"
Why doesn’t Blue Book, or MI13 show up in this article? This spans over a century of British politics, colonization, relations with the US, and despite this the only AOI that shows up is the UNAAC. This article would have massive implications for the history of the Authority and the different AOIs that inhabit this world and they seem to have just been on break while this anomaly was ushering in a British reign over a third of the known world.
I like the concept of this anomaly, and having an anomaly that eventually gets phased out because what was Earth shattering in 1879 becomes obsolete a century later is legitimately interesting. I just think that if you are going to commit so massively to such an undertaking, you need to have the world react accordingly. Get Blue Book involved in the trade, maybe they’re the ones who stole the loom.
The article even strongly implies that this particular anomaly was responsible, if indirectly, to the creation of GARD as a whole. That has frankly insane lore implications that you’re either leaving on the table or actively refusing to elaborate on. This is greatly to the article’s detriment, and makes it seem like it takes place in its own universe, rather than the universe of the Authority.
This article seems to want to have an anomaly that affects the entire world, yet shies away from having the world affect it. The current iteration has a key lack of deeper RPC lore, when the scale is grand it almost necessitates it.
Also why is this anomaly gamma-purple? It’s a physical device that if left alone doesn’t do anything. I know this for a fact because within the article itself it was just left outside near the London wall and no one got hurt. It also cannot kill anyone itself meaning it can’t be purple either. I would go for an alpha-orange rating or even alpha-yellow.
Furthermore, why is the entire history and historical track of this article in the description? It would be a lot better formatted if the history were broken up into addendums so that we could follow the loom in segments. The way it’s currently written would make a really good wiki summation, but not a great RPC article entry. This complaint is less to do with the content, which to be clear I do greatly enjoy, and more how it is presented to the reader.
A referendum held among the western Regional Directors concluded with a 9-2 vote, determining that containment of RPC-XXX in its modern form is logistically impossible
The tense switches halfway through this sentence. It should be “determined” to be consistent.
though CIA documents have indicated parts of the internal mechanism were built of vulcanized rubber despite this material not being invented until 1839.
Looping back around to my earlier criticisms, why the CIA? Why not use Blue Book instead here? They are the American/NATO agency meant to deal with the anomalous. Neat detail on the vulcanized rubber, though. Nice touch
six (6)
This formatting of numbers is typically used in pharmaceuticals when you want to be very particular with the number. This seems a bit superfluous to be so particular about the components when it doesn’t add anything to the article.
Four (4)
Same as above.
intermittent bursts of ether vapor
This is the only point that ether vapor is brought up in the article. This threw me for a loop, distracting me from the article. Just seemed unnecessary.
RPC-XXX-IN is known as the "air loom" to the public. It is publicly known
“Public” and “Publicly” being in both these sentences is redundant. Perhaps switch it to a synonym or rework the sentence.
Tilly is remembered in the public as the first documented case of paranoid schizophrenia, and the "air loom" is thought to be a delusion of his.
Unknown to the British public
This section sounds repetitive due to the fact that the word ‘public’ is used in sentences back to back. Use a synonym to avoid this and it’ll flow a lot better.
The United States government waited cautiously until the Blitz occurred
Does this imply that the US knew the Blitz was going to happen? From my historical knowledge, the Blitz was an impulsive decision brought on by bombing Dresden. This just seems like drawing even more historical events into this loom despite the refusal to tie it into deeper lore.
Despite heavy casualties, the mission was successful
Casualties from who? The bombs? Was MI13 involved? This seems like a really quick gloss over of a very important event in this anomaly’s history.
In 1947, the CIA was founded, unquestionably linked to the discovery of RPC-XXX-IN's limiting factor.
What? Either this sentence is unclear or the CIA is directly involved in anomalous operations. Which I’m not certain is actually accurate at this point in time. Please reword to be clearer.
It also deduced
“It” is singular. The CIA is an organization, so plurals are what apply to them. The CIA is a “they”.
This is an incredibly ambitious article that seems scared to fulfill its ambitions. You constantly reference historical events and how this one anomaly shaped history, but also refuse to bring in the people who would be interested in this item and how it’s used. The Authority does absolutely nothing in this article, other than documenting how it was used in the past. Which is strangely passive for an organization willing to plunge the world into WW1. Furthermore, MI13, despite being the leading UK anomalous organization outside of the Authority, just kind of let all this happen without even commenting on it. The article being in the state it is currently in puts the world in such a passive state for its events to unfold as they do it feels unreal.
In the discord, you said that this article needs refinement, and I couldn't agree more. This article could be a massive presence in the universe and tell a really interesting story of how different organizations shift and react to even a single anomaly as it changes hands. How world history is affected, not by the anomalous effect itself, but by how organizations and people react to the anomaly’s existence. Despite that, the current iteration of the article refuses to even entertain the notion in favor of explaining how the loom went on a world tour that no one seemed to care about.
There is a version of this article that I love. That I could point to and say “this is how different agencies can change, react, and bounce off each other in a single story, just because of an obsolete anomaly.” That I could pitch to people, and tell them that if they want to see why the world of the Authority is engaging and immersive, read this article. This is not that version. This is not to say scrap it. It just needs more labor and more thought put into it and it can be something really amazing.
I can tell this because the article isn’t bad. The writing is competent, and you clearly looked into historical events to provide context for the anomaly. It was a genuine treat to look up the air loom and find it was a real, recorded delusion. You just need to give it a little bit of a push and this would be an incredible article. As-is, I really would not like this on the site, it makes the AOIs, and even the Authority itself, seem either negligent or incompetent. Restructure this, think about the different players in the universe, and the implications for the singular canon of the Authority.
Henry Ford confirmed a snitch
/forum/t-17161217/rpc-xxx-the-air-loom#post-