Contest RPC Speedrun Any%
The draft is here. http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dead-page
Contest RPC Speedrun Any%
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Aesthetically I think it would be better if you moved the image to the top of the page.
ConProcs
Bouvet Island is to be closed off to the public, with all air traffic paths in the South Atlantic programmed to avoid the island's airspace, and all nautical traffic denied entrance to the island.
I feel like “programmed” is the wrong word. Maybe “directed”? Also, “entrance” DEFINITELY isn’t the right word for a boat.
Description
RPC-446 consists of several strange geological formations surrounding and forming parts of Bouvet Island.
Delete “Strange”
You kind of talk about Bouvet Island like it’s a place the reader is already familiar with; at the very least I’d add its approximate location.
All instances of RPC-446 show an incredible resemblance to man-made vehicles, mostly nautical and aeronautical vessels.
Use “strong” rather than “incredible”
Analysis of RPC-446 has been especially difficult, as the formations fluctuate between approx. -70°C to approx. -130°C.
What analysis exactly? It doesn’t affect the area around the formations, and you say later that the gravity thing has more of an effect on getting samples
Retrieving pieces of RPC-446 has also proven difficult as pieces of the formation are packed into each other with intense gravitational force.
Samples instead of pieces. Also how are they “packed into” each other? And the formations are in pieces, not solid structures?
Authority researchers realized the true cause when a piece that was removed by divers began sinking at five times the rate expected for an object of it's size.
Then there isn’t some weird gravity thing going on. They’re just dense. Also “speed’ not “rate”
This is, however, just believed to be pareidolia
Delete “just”
So far, no human remains have ever been found on or around any instance of RPC-446;
Delete “So far” too informal
however, RPC-446-F, one of the smallest formations, and the closest to the center of Bouvet Island has been described by Authority divers as resembling a hand beckoning upwards.
So if it's closest to the center then it would actually be on the island and they wouldn’t need divers. And if it looks like a hand it doesn’t look like a boat or a plane
Addendum
Point Nemo is one of the primary locations satellites are made to fall when returning through the atmosphere due to the lack of maritime traffic.
“Due to its geographic isolation and minimal maritime traffic, Point Nemo serves as a primary target area for controlled satellite deorbiting operations.” would sound a bit more clinical although I’m not certain this sentence is necessary.
A research expedition is expected to be carried out by Project Lead "Dr. Alcidez" does not match any existing user name "Dr. Dlamini" does not match any existing user name "Dr. Rediecker" does not match any existing user name Dr. Jamison.
What is the point of this?
Final Thoughts
Overall, not much here. It’s obviously rushed, and I have no idea what the point of any of it is. It’s just some weird stuff with no apparent rhyme of reason. And the part at the end with the usernames makes no sense at all. That’s about all I have to say because otherwise there’s not really anything to comment on.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
Blame me being privy to some of your ideation in a Discord voice call, maybe, but I saw straight through this draft's twist from the outset.
All instances of RPC-446 show a strong resemblance to man-made vehicles
Probably when this sentence appeared, to be exact. I'm curious to see how one could actually finesse the required misdirection for this premise, but as it stands, the conclusion is obvious and there was never any other expectation set up to subvert. The writing is mostly neutral in this aspect, neither helping nor hurting, save for one tell:
Some Authority researchers have identified what they believe to be HINs or Aircraft Registration Codes on some of the formations. This is simply believed to be pareidolia however, as no aircraft or nautical vessel on record matches any of the reported codes.
The lying child effect: overcompensating in the other direction. Any number of theories could account for these erroneous codes; there's no particular reason to suggest people are just crazy for seeing them. (This wouldn't make it subtle, by the way, but at least it wouldn't signal so blatantly.)
There are good qualities to this draft; the photo and written imagery are effective and the hazards are incorporated well to support them; but even though this was short in concept, it can't shake the rushed feeling. I find the absence of detail particularly crippling; barring the small, appreciated exception of the cave hand, there aren't enough "missing pieces" to leave me wondering or hint at anything beyond the most basic anomaly to justify the amnesia plot.
The choice to represent personnel as deleted Wikidot accounts is strange, though it adds a likable "WTF" factor that is regrettably absent otherwise. What I dislike is how much goofier it is to suggest that nobody got suspicious after the first or second "unperson" assigned to the expedition. It detracts from the intended effect.
I did kind of like this, but it's so corny and rote that I couldn't genuinely recommend it. It's a bare bones premise executed unconvincingly and held up by half-decent imagery. The twist is obvious in part because the writing makes no attempt to entertain other possibilities (Teleported in from another dimension? A builder anomaly trying to imitate human designs?). The memory hole anomaly idea is so old, it may actually be easier to go in the opposite direction and subvert it instead, but I could still probably enjoy this if only it were more substantial. The draft reminds me of those MinCon entries that were way outside the scope of the contest and used it as an excuse for awkward shortness.
(I read the other review after finishing this, and it seems I came away with the opposite impression as the first critic. Have fun!)
The area above RPC-446-A.
RPC-446-A is never mentioned again, so I presume this is an artifact of an earlier revision.
pieces of the formation are gravitate toward each other
Typo.
However a small formation
Add a comma after "however".
Due to it's dissimilarity to the other formations, it is currently being debated as to whether this should be considered an instance of RPC-446
Wrong form of "its". Also, this footnote is a complete sentence, so give it a period.
In 2016, Satellite analysis
"Satellite" shouldn't be capitalized.
/forum/t-17118680/contest-rpc-speedrun-any#post-