holy smokes that hazard list is so long it disrupts the entire format… i think, in this situation, you should reduce the list to things that describe ONLY the warehouse, and not everything in it.
also before i get into the nitty griddy, this is REALLY long. like way too long. to be honest i kind of just skimmed over the logs at the end… like i just want 2 say that its not easy to read something that dense and that long, esp if its not something im not particularly interested in. you really could cut like over half of this article.
like, i open the collapsibles… and i see how tiny the scrolling bar gets… and then i just think "im not reading all that!!!" and then i dont. but i did. for your edification
The uniform consists of a helmeted gasmask resembling those worn by Mongolian tribesmen c. the 13th Century A.D.
this sounds like the mongolians had gasmasks in the 13th century ad., which, erm, they didnt!!! i would rewrite this part- i think youre trying to say its a military uniform + gasmask that looks like it was made by the mongolians?
A spear constructed from unidentified materials purportedly belonging to the deity Veles.
i would reword that… "A spear of unknown make and origin. Symbols engraved on the weapon seem to depict Veles of Slavic Paganism."
which appears to play a minor role in the religious practices of the RPC-Morbilion-C tribes.
Do you mean -D?
both sexes possess diminished verbal faculties in return for enhanced visual-spatial abilities allowing them to navigate the premises of RPC-Morbilion.
I don't get why there's an "in return for". Getting better visual spatial whatever doesn't mean you have reduced verbal faculties. It sounds like they have a less verbal language or some sort of limited aphonia if you want to be clinical. I would go with the idea that their language is less verbal or something, or maybe that they rely less on the spoken word or whatever, because I feel like the Authority would be more inclined to believe their language is just weird rather than they devolved or something.
