http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ttty
A small spin on the "Thing That Kills You" concept for this Halloween.
Due to the highly unserious nature of this article/idea, I decided to make it onto a -J
I hope you find it funny!
ConProc
MST Juliett-08 ("For Whom the Treat Tolls") detachments are to be deployed in the metropolitan areas of all Halloween-celebrating countries each 31st of October. Units are required to deploy wearing costumes sourced from popular contemporary media. Detachments will be provided five (5) tactical candy containment units in the image of pumpkins to appease RPC-XXX-J. One (1) of the containment units has been rigged with explosives and a full ration of Amazing! Co. "Black Sea Salt Liquorice" in the event of direct confrontation with the anomaly.
CORRECTIONS
MST Juliett-08 ("For Whom the Treat Tolls") detachments will be deployed in all Halloween-celebrating countries' metropolitan areas each 31st of October. Units are required to deploy wearing costumes sourced from popular contemporary media. Detachments will be provided with five (5) tactical candy containment units in the image of pumpkins to appease RPC-XXX-J. One (1) of the containment units has been rigged with explosives and an entire ration of Amazing! Co. "Black Sea Salt Liquorice" in the event of a confrontation with the anomaly arises.
All units are strictly prohibited from partaking in trick-or-treating during deployment. Failure to follow regulations will result in immediate termination and dishonourable discharge for reckless endangerment of the platoon.
CORRECTIONS
All units are strictly prohibited from partaking in trick-or-treating during deployment. Failure to follow regulations will result in immediate termination and dishonorable discharge for reckless endangerment of the platoon.
Description
Following manifestation, RPC-XXX-J will visit each home in the surrounding residential area. Failure by home owners to provide RPC-XXX-J with sugary sweets or alternative savoury treats (or lack thereof) will result in RPC-XXX-J retaliating against the offending individual(s)1 through "tricks." While no terminations have ever been recorded as a result of such surreptitious ploys, they have been described as "grandiose" in nature by present personnel. Examples to help identify RPC-XXX-J victims are as follows:
CORRECTIONS
Following manifestation, RPC-XXX-J will visit each home in the surrounding residential area. Failure by homeowners to provide RPC-XXX-J with sugary sweets or alternative savory treats (or lack thereof) will result in RPC-XXX-J retaliating against the offending individual(s)2 through "tricks." While no terminations have ever been recorded due to such surreptitious ploys, they have been described as "grandiose" by present personnel. Examples to help identify RPC-XXX-J victims are as follows:
Victim was found unconscious, suffering from various minor bruising across his torso deduced to be caused by a quick-fire onslaught of eggs. Subject suffered minor bruising on his left cheek as a result of a high-speed collision with a pumpkin-spice pumpkin pie, the remains of which were found scattered over the area.
CORRECTIONS
The victim was found unconscious, suffering from various minor bruising across his torso, which was deduced to be caused by a quick-fire onslaught of eggs. The subject sustained minor bruising on his left cheek as a result of a high-speed collision with a pumpkin-spice pumpkin pie, the remains of which were found scattered over the area.
Victim was found "crucified" to an 6ft skeleton Halloween prop through the use of toilet paper. The phrase "THIEF OF DUST AND SWEETS" was written on his chest with rainbow-colored sparkling permanent marker
CORRECTIONS
The victim was found "crucified" to a 6ft skeleton Halloween prop through the use of toilet paper. The phrase "THIEF OF DUST AND SWEETS" was written on his chest with rainbow-colored sparkling permanent marker.
MST Juliett-08 were able to identify an ongoing trick and repeal RPC-XXX-J through the use of high-salinity liquorice explosives. Mr. Doyle was found in a state of shock inside his bedroom, surrounded by hanging piñata "corpses" of sheep dangling from the roof slowly bleeding melted candy. Despite amnestization, Mr. Doyle appears to suffer from permanent sheep-related PTSD.
CORRECTIONS
MST Juliett-08 identified an ongoing trick and repealed RPC-XXX-J through the use of high-salinity licorice explosives. Mr. Doyle was found in a state of shock inside his bedroom, surrounded by hanging piñata "corpses" of sheep dangling from the roof, slowly "bleeding" melted candy. Despite amnestization, Mr. Doyle appears to suffer from permanent sheep-related PTSD.
Recovered Material
At the scene of its last "trick," RPC-XXX-J will leave behind a hand-written note (if possible) attached to its victim's body. The meaning behind this note has yet to be deciphered by Authority cryptography.
CORRECTIONS
At the scene of its "trick," RPC-XXX-J leaves behind a handwritten note (if possible) attached to its victim's body. The meaning behind this calling card has yet to be deciphered by Authority cryptography.
If you gave me this article blind, strippen of all reference to the intended -J class, I'd assume it to be a normal RPC.
While of a hunerous nature, the presentation lacks the characteristics to indicate it as a joke article beyond the name.
Except for a couple of segements (tactical candy, fake smurf…), it is written as a normal RPC. Proper clinical tone, a satisfactory description of anomaly's systems, and a traditional Log of occurances, all executed in traditional RPC fashion.
It is difficult to define the distinction between a joke article and a simply comedic one, no easier in this case. That is why it is simply which attitude and expectation you, the author, wishes for the reader to have before reading that dictate. I can however tell you that there was a disconnect between what I expected from XXX as a -J and what I got.
The usefulness of the rest of this critique depends on how you respond to the aforementioned. If you make the article of a more jokey nature, or decide to not implement that critique, then the rest is unapplicable. I write it as a part of my critique in case you make the article a normal entry to the site, in which case it is subject to other criteria for quality and continuity.
It is stated that XXX manifests in Halloween celebrating countries. Halloween in most places isn't a holiday formally recognized by the nation. I'd think that communities would work better in terms of clarity and how manifestation occurs.
Deployed units are to be costumed. This is never mentioned again beyond the conprocs.
The weakness to explosive liquorice is not utilized, neither as a comedic device aside from its mention, or a plot driver.
The tricks are described as grandiose, however the first one we're introduced to is just an assault with food. A nitpick I only noticed when rereading to catch details.
Personal preference but the formatting is a bit plain? Completely alright for the scope of the article, but maybe put some things in collapsibles?
No current methods have succeeded in containing and/or preventing RPC-XXX-J's yearly manifestations.
Saying "current methods" makes it sound they're currently being used. Try "There has been no successful prevention of RPC-XXX-J manifestations."
the "Halloween" holiday
(the "Halloween" holiday) is clunky and unnecessary. I don't think it would be the biggest crime against clinical tone for personnel to just say Halloween, considering how popular the day is.
but studies have shown it to never repeat a costume.
"It has as of yet never repeated a costume" "It has never been observed repeating costumes"
Studies here is weird.
RPC-XXX-J will take a route passing though all homes in its surrounding residential area
Clunky. "RPC-XXX-J will visit each home in the surrounding residential area."
individual/s
I'm more familiar with individual(s)
Ranging from the home owners themselves to "candy thieves," designated as trick-or-treaters who've depleted a given home's treat supply.
This is really weirdly worded. The footnote is attached to the word "tricks", but regards who gets affected by them, not the trick itself. Using ranging makes it seem like it's going to elaborate on the tricks. Also, introducing the term Candy Thieves here and like this gives a footnote more responsibility than it can bear.
MST Juliett-08 were able to identify an ongoing trick and repeal RPC-XXX-J through the use of high-salinity liquorice explosives. Mr. Doyle
Why is it important for us to know that XXX was repelled before finding Doyle? It doesn't seem like that helped him anyway.
that widely celebrates the "Halloween" holiday.
Goofy ass formalism. I'm not sure if it's a joke but it'd be best phrased as "the holiday of Halloween". Or maybe just "celebrates Halloween" lol.
retaliating against the offending individual(s)2 through "tricks."
Honestly you don't have to say "through tricks". It comes across just fine.
10/10, incredible post.
