Crit Fourm for RPC-965
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16953383/d-d-submission-california-ghost-car
Thanks to DuskNeoka, TheGreatTarbolin69, Fleshward, and televisionist for their critique.
RPC-965 / Discussion
Forum
» Hidden / Per page discussions
» RPC-965
This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-965.
(account deleted)Glad to see this one out and fleshed out! Great work! I'll rate this 4/5 stars (because 5 stars would be too much.)
reminds me a lot of series 2 scp, and also for some reason scooby doo. didn't blow me away, but it effectively tells a simple story with a nice summer night atmosphere. +4
blabbo
When I heard about a Ghost Car article, I became quite concerned for two reasons:
1. Originality
2. Fuck you I was gonna write about a mysterious driver in California, btch.
However, I see that is competently written, does not drag itself for too long, and it is indeed an interesting piece overall. I can't say much else about it, other that I loved the poem particularly.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
Neat lil article. I dig the simplicity at play here, it's plenty refreshing. The letter's absolutely a highlight, it parsed in my head as one of those really echo-y 70s songs. The visual of the times moving along as the car doesn't is also very compelling, resonates very well with that second-stage-of-grief tone the letter has.
Ultimately I feel it's lacking a bit of oomph in the finale. We don't really know anything about the soul driving the car (ends up ambiguous whether it's C.C. or the person they're mourning), so 965 ends up lacking a bit of personality it could've had and it takes away from seeing it crumble to rust. Feels kind of just like "well that was that" rather than invoking any specific emotions for me, which it really could've since the anomaly came to exist from a tragedy.
An encounter with RPC-965 will cease if a driver or passenger departs from their vehicle to check on the wreckage.
This is a bit of a strange way to introduce the fact that it first appears all wrecked up. Effectively the first time it's brought up, which gives the impression that one missed a sentence. This should be introduced earlier (I don't see why not in the first sentence).
To protect personnel, all staff at Site-095 had their professional and personal automobiles rigged with high-speed pursuit countermeasures.
… Why not just tell them to stop if they see a wrecked green car? Seems like a hard-to-miss visual that might've saved them probably a few million dollars in expenses.
Despite the deployed Agent’s enthusiasm to destroy the ritual
This is the first time the word "ritual" is mentioned. I get what it means, but this also should've been introduced with the place itself rather than out of the blue.
For what it went out to do and with the cutting of unnecessary details, it warrants a good grade I agree that the chase at the end could have been more climactic in some way, but every detail now feels better connected and consistent to one another. I admit I am a bit confused how the scene at the end was supposed to look like with the car appearing behind the semi but doing break checks, getting the semi off the road yet it rolling into a rock wall AND blocking the road, which then makes the car drive off the other side of the road off a cliff? Another small nitpick is the CSD noticing the rear plates being undamaged as much as before which would mean that there are plates on the initial "bait" appearance but there are none when the car enters an activated state which is somewhat weird.
The climax, along with the obviously AI generated image, is the article's biggest issue but I believe it can be easily fixed without making it more complicated.
No image was AI-generated; if the car photo appears fake, it's likely because it was created in Photoshop.
Update: I have changed the image, which may now look more satisfactory, and should align more closely with the standards of CC.
This is a fairly well written and intriguing article. I quite like this. The premise is fascinating and the execution is wonderful. I do have a number of concerns, however,
First, the term ritual is used to refer to the anomaly's cause, but is used in a way that it would be the second use.
Second, the semi-truck is said to have accelerated to *365MPH*! Most semis that I know of can hardly hit a hundred.
Otherwise, great article. Four stars
/forum/t-16954800/rpc-965#post-