I feel like this crit would be unfair to you as the writer due to me not using my full attention and energy for it, but for a last minute entry last minute crit applies as well
The idea is pretty interesting, but it has a few problems. The dialogue in both logs is a bit wooden and unnatural with the first one having the descriptions of lines instead of what the people actually say? In addition to that it feels weird that an off-duty (or at least traveling from what i’ve understood) staff member would be recording everything around him.
From what I’ve understood, the anomaly is a group of stores that sells anomalies alongside their regular food - what is sort of weird to me is how no one noticed the sudden burst of anomalies, be they known or unknown, in these areas. Unless I missed that the stores have some sort of effect of people forgetting where they got these things?
The legal battle is also interesting, but I absolutely wouldn’t have it hapen with an anomalously influenced and later amnesticized supreme court - it makes the first part feel like a handwave of the supreme court needing to know about the authoirty and the latter making sure they get off scott free despite amnestics being fairly dangerous and unreliable, especially if applied for the length of a legal battle.
Finally, the interviewers with Theodore are fairly lax with revealing their codes and names which seems irresponsible, but I guess that ties in already with the comment about the dialogue being iffy. Try reading them aloud and seeing for yourself how it sounds.
If you manage to update and upload the article in time of the contest, good. If not, I’d love to see the update and revisit the article for a better and more concentrated criticism
All the best!
Oak_Seeker, 28 Sep 2024 02:34