Done & Dusted - Memories of Times Past
I DID IT BACK, CLUTCHED IT
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/memoir
I'd like to know if the story being told is easy to follow and if the article does or does not feel incomplete/unsatisfying
Done & Dusted - Memories of Times Past
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» Done & Dusted - Memories of Times Past
First and foremost, congratulations on your promotion, I’m told it’ll be quite the celebration when it happens, but I’ll likely not be able to attend without messing things up. You know how it is in this business. That aside, I’m sorry to say this letter is not one bearing good news. Unless otherwise affected by continuity errors, you’re more than well aware of the catastrophe that was the 2024 Exhibit of Spanish Art & History in Madrid. I’m told by my future contemporaries that things were handled as best as our resources will allow us to, but that one anomaly, Item 852, is causing quite much grievance for all parties involved.
TO
First and foremost, congratulations on your promotion. I'm told it'll be quite the celebration. Unfortunately, I'll likely pass to avoid messing up merrymaking. You know how it is in this business. That aside, I'm sorry that this letter is not good news. Unless otherwise affected by continuity errors, you're more than well aware of the catastrophe that was the 2024 Exhibit of Spanish Art & History in Madrid. My future contemporaries tell me things will be handled as best as our resources permit. Still, one anomaly, Item 852, illudes us. It's causing quite a grievance for all parties involved.
Notes: I mainly broke up sentences and rephrased parts to emphasize narrative emotion.
Item 852 is none other than Bardales' "Memorias del Tiempo Perdido". As the catalyst of this entire fiasco, this statue proved quite difficult to transport to Warehouse 133 and even more so to contain once on site. I'm told its presence alone was enough to cause various other items to go haywire, and that's not even mentioning the side-effects it had on personnel. There was a brief attempt to send it here, as the quantity of items in the Warehouse during Franco's rule is quite small, but just trying to get it near the spiral staircase for temporal displacement put the structural integrity of the Warehouse in jeopardy. I'd rather not test what occurs if it comes into contact with it.
TO
Item 852 is none other than Bardales' "Memorias del Tiempo Perdido." As the catalyst of this entire fiasco, it's certainly proved itself difficult to transport. This statue is being hauled to Warehouse 133 to be processed and contained on-site. I'm told its presence alone was enough to cause various other items to go haywire. That's not even mentioning the side effects it had on personnel. There was a brief attempt to send it here, as the number of items at Franco's Warehouse is relatively minuscule. The issue is that just getting it near the spiral staircase for temporal displacement jeopardizes the Warehouse's structural integrity. I'd rather not test what occurs if it comes into contact with it.
With the amount of temporal anomalies causing trouble here and the aftermath of the art exhibit in your end, our resources and personnel (past and present) are being spread thin. If you think Site-068 can handle it, forward a transfer request to the current undersecretary and we'll cover all expenses. If UNAAC officials ask, say it's a liaison under Article 5, Clause 7b of the 1997 Bretagne Agreement - I'm told it works wonders when it comes to anomalies changing hands.
TO
The amount of temporal anomalies is causing us a lot of trouble here. The aftermath of the art exhibit on your end has forced our resources and personnel (past and present) to be spread thin. If Site-068 can handle this, forward a transfer request to the current undersecretary. We'll cover all expenses. If UNAAC officials ask, say it's a liaison under Article 5, Clause 7b of the 1997 Bretagne Agreement - I'm told it works wonders for anomalies changing hands.
PC-711 is a marble statue made by Fabricio Olavarria de Bardales, deceased Spanish sculptor and Accademia della Vera Arte alumni. The statue depicts two people embracing; a female sculpted in Carrara, and a male in Nero Marquina. The female head and male hands of the sculpture have both been removed by blunt force. An elegy can be found etched onto the back of both figures.
TO
Description:** RPC-711 is a marble statue by Fabricio Olavarria de Bardales, a deceased Spanish sculptor and Accademia della Vera Arte alumni. The statue depicts two people embracing; a female sculpted in Carrara and a male in Nero Marquina. The sculpture's female head and male hands have both been removed by blunt force. An elegy can be found etched onto the back of both figures.
RPC-711 is inert unless in the presence of anomalies or anomalously-altered spaces. When in the presence of an active anomaly, RPC-711 will create an area of altered reality around the anomaly such that its effects are nullified. This area will continue to exist until the offending anomaly is removed from the vicinity, destroyed or otherwise deactivated. Exposure to multiple active anomalies or passively-active anomalies will lead to the creation of aberrations.
TO
RPC-711 is inert unless in the presence of anomalies or anomalously altered spaces. When in the presence of an active anomaly, RPC-711 will create an area of altered reality around it to nullify all anomalous effects. This zone of normality will persist until the offending anomaly is removed from the vicinity, destroyed, or deactivated. Exposure to multiple active anomalies or passively active anomalies will lead to the creation of aberrations.
RPC-711 was the main art piece displayed at the Guggenheim Museum Bilbao's "2024 Exhibit of Spanish Art & History" hosted the 13th of July in Biscay, Spain. It was advertised as the long-awaited return of famous sculptor Fabricio "Grajilla" Olavarria de Bardales following a decade-long retirement. 748 people, including well-known critics and artists, attended the exhibition that afternoon, with the event being televised by local news channels.
TO
RPC-711 was the main art piece displayed at the Guggenheim Museum Bilbao's "2024 Exhibit of Spanish Art & History" hosted on the 13th of July in Biscay, Spain. The piece was advertised as the long-awaited return of famous sculptor Fabricio "Grajilla" Olavarria de Bardales, who'd come out of a decades-long retirement. 748 people, including well-known critics and artists, attended the exhibition that afternoon, which was televised by local news channels.
Serving as an annual opportunity for anomalous artists to share their works with the greater public, several dozen low-level anomalous artworks were previously approved by the MPDR for safe display. RPC-711 was not included in this list. It is unknown whether or not Bardales was aware of the exponential increase of his sculpture's area of effect in such a crowded space and with more than three dozen passive anomalies.
TO
The MPDR previously approved several dozen low-level anomalous artworks for safe display. However, as an annual opportunity for anomalous artists to share their works with the greater public, RPC-711 was not included. It is unknown whether Bardales was aware of the exponential increase of his sculpture's area of effect in such a crowded space and with more than three dozen passive anomalies.
The incident following RPC-711's unveiling resulted in, accounting for Authority and MPDR personnel, 589 casualties, 132 injuries, and 36 missing persons. It is believed the area of effect could have expanded beyond the museum if not for the combined efforts of MPDR and Authority assets in evacuation after anomalous activity in the area was confirmed.
TO
The incident following RPC-711's unveiling resulted in, accounting for Authority and MPDR personnel, 589 casualties, 132 injuries, and 36 missing persons. The area of effect could have theoretically expanded beyond the museum. Without the combined evacuation efforts of MPDR and Authority assets, anomalous activity in the area would have been catastrophic.
The event, recorded by various media sources, was covered as a large-scale biochemical attack from an unknown terrorist cell. Casualties not explainable by the cover-up were discretely disposed of, then added into the "missing" body count. The museum was closed-off from the public until the MPDR was able to successfully transport and contain the anomaly in their facility. Fabricio himself was found with his head missing, resting against RPC-711.
TO
The event, recorded by various media sources, was covered as a large-scale biochemical attack from an unknown terrorist cell. Casualties not explainable by the cover-up were discretely disposed of and then added to the "missing" body count. The museum was closed off from the public until the MPDR successfully transported and contained the anomaly in their facility. Fabricio himself was found with his head missing, resting against RPC-711.
In terms of proofreading and formatting I have nothing to say: the flow of the article is smooth and I never felt like it was choppy, so good job Tarb :)
On to the main issue I have: the story itself.
Take it with a grain of salt, I am a very straightforward person so at first glance there may be details I don't notice, but even after re-reading it another few times I only caught the general gist of it, which seems to be heartbreak, time travel and dimensional displacement (?), but I feel like there's more to this that either I don't understand or is straight up missing. The incident log especially I feel was a bit "cheap": it explains how the anomaly was terminated, but in terms of storytelling I see nothing whatsoever.
This article has an overall vibe I particularly love, and can lend itself to some interesting speculations, but the story needs to be slightly clearer. You got this Tarb!
P.S.: Good job on the Italian, very realistic colloquialism :choo:
Marco Marchi B. Mark
nitpicks
I’m told it’ll be quite the celebration when it happens, but I’ll likely won’t be able to attend without messing things up.
i suggest changing to "I'll likely not be able" or "I likely won't be able". as of now, it reads like "I will likely won't be able".
I'd rather not test what occurs if it comes into contact with it <— add period
It is unknown whatever whether or not Bardales was aware of the exponential increase on of his sculpture's area of effect in such a crowded space and with more than three dozen passively passive anomalies.
The incident following RPC-711's unveiling resulted in 589 casualties, 142 injuries, and 107 missing persons. this adds up to 838, and you previously stated 748 people were attending. the most likely explanation in my head is that you're including authority and ministry assets. either way, please provide some clarification.
It is believed the area of effect could've could have expanded beyond the museum
try not to use contractions in the clinical segments of the article. "RPC-711's unveiling" in the previous sentence is fine, though.
Despite several attempts by the Ministry to bring Academy officials to an a UNAAC hearing
A.J: Pronto <— add period
Thanks for you your cooperation, [A.J].
Over the three hours it took for EMC-A3 to finished finish electrical repairs,
as all gold rods have turn turned opaque,
Aberrations have neutralized several LOs as well as damaging damaged the surrounding infrastructure.
12 Research personnel suffering from minor to mayor major amputation via aberrations
thoughts
there's a lot of things i like about this. the letter at the beginning is an interesting start, and while i don't think i quite fully understood it, it got me wondering why and how these temporal shenanigans were happening. the poem is very evocative, and i sincerely applaud you for writing one that rhymes in both spanish and english. the stuff about the artist is neat, there's a simple but engaging story as well as enjoyable worldbuilding with the academy and the mpdr. the phonecall is super entertaining. the incident is a cool and gripping sequence.
this article is made up of a bunch of things i really enjoy, but the main problem for me is that it doesn't feel like they all coalesce. maybe there's some underlying theme i'm not seeing (the most i'm getting is a theme of death tied between the artist's dying wife and the destruction of the statue), but i just don't see how the temporal stuff, the story of the artist, and the ending incident all fit together. i was engaged the whole way through, but felt blueballed once the article ended.
i remember seeing this piece back in 2022 in the scf discord. all in all, i love to see authors pick up old drafts, and i want to like this yet it's held back by just feeling not quite there. it's possible that there is a throughline here, but you should try making it a little clearer.
blabbo
I agree with what Mark and Jimmy have said, there's something missing and I feel like that something is knowing what the anomaly is. I feel his grief passively but do no witness it and I think seeing something to that effect would help. There's a bit within the interview log that I felt was better shown not told.
HERE'S AN IDEA FROM ME: maybe show his studio being raided and point to the idea that maybe his wife was an anomalous artists whose artwork gave her radiation or something. Maybe imply that the statue was an attempt to recreate a wedding photo and there were multiple attempts for him to recreate this in statue form and imprint the feelings unto others or something. Hopefully what I said makes sense.
Gave Tarb feedback on final note. Check DMs
/forum/t-16951368/done-dusted-memories-of-times-past#post-