Kettle's Purple-palmed Wallaby
(account deleted) 09 Sep 2024 14:12
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dusk-s-cool-creations
I spent a week on this :)
ARTICLE POSTED
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Summary:
THIS IS NO LONGER NEEDED
(account deleted) 09 Sep 2024 14:12
Now updated.
Containment Protocols
RPC-XXX must be contained in a 37m3 enclosed, soundproof vivarium with a thick glass roof. Australian flora (native to RPC-XXX's natural habitat) must be planted and watered daily utilizing built-in sprinklers. The bundle must only have 17 members, all offspring relocated to Area-██ for environmental study. Enrichment may be provided if their stress levels reach 75% capacity, but removed once eased.
TO
Note: Specify the quantity of water distributed to flora.
The pond inside the containment must be checked by the maintenance team daily. If contaminated, contact the AWTD (Authority Water Treatment Department) for inspection.
TO
The maintenance team must check the pond inside the containment daily. If it is contaminated, contact the AWTD (Authority Water Treatment Department) for inspection.
Note: Specify the percentage of contaminants in pond water and what would be classified as a contaminant.
By no regard should personnel make physical interaction with the entities (especially the alpha) without direct permission from the research director. Causing RPC-XXX stress is strictly discouraged and may result in reassignment.
TO
Personnel should only physically interact with the entities (especially the alpha) with direct permission from the research director. Causing RPC-XXX stress is strictly discouraged and may result in employment termination.
Area-██ must be blocked and obstructed from the public eye. The RPC-XXX entities kept in this area must never be transported off-site under any circumstance. The region is strictly used to allow safer study regarding how the entities interact within their natural habitat; all irrelevant testing to this must be conducted with entities in containment.
TO
Area-██ will be blocked off and obstructed from the public eye until further notice. Additionally, all RPC-XXX entities in this accommodation permit must never be transported off-site. The region is strictly used to allow safer study regarding how the entities interact within their natural habitat. All irrelevant testing must be conducted with entities within the containment zone.
Description
RPC-XXX entities are small, golden brown marsupials roughly 1 meter tall (standing upright) and 1.2 meters in length. RPC-XXX entities are omnivores, but will avoid eating meat if plants are an option. RPC-XXX's palms are coated in a purple sludge that contains an unknown chemical make-up. They are capable of smearing this substance when desired to; contact with it will result in second degree burns.
TO
RPC-XXX entities are small, golden-brown marsupials roughly 1 meter tall (standing upright) and 1.2 meters long. RPC-XXX entities are omnivores but avoid eating meat if plants are available. RPC-XXX's palms are coated in a purple gelatinous substance that contains an unknown chemical compound. Physical contact with the substance will result in a searing effect, causing up to second-degree burns on human flesh.
The entities live in herds consisting of around 5 to 20 members; these are known as 'bundles.' Unlike other marsupials, females will not use their pouches to hold their offspring but the males will instead. The leader of a bundle, or the alpha male, may have 1 or 2 females (additional to its main partner) as concubines. Bundles utilize their palms to burn sand while creating burrows. The entire herd resides in a singular burrow instead of multiple.
TO
On average, RPC-XXX herds or bundles comprise 5 to 20 members. Unlike other marsupials, females do not use their pouches to hold their offspring. The leader of a bundle, or the alpha male, may have anywhere from 1 or 2 female mates excluding its leading partner. The whole bundles reside in a burrow created using their palms to burn away rocks and sand.
RPC-XXX's pouches contain a miniature pocket dimension that only the specific entity may access.The entities may utilize their pouches to carry any item and take it out if desired. Additionally, RPC-XXX entities are known to pick up orbs of steel or iron from their pocket dimension to launch at organic threats. The pouches are incapable of storing animals no matter the size; RPC-XXX entities will display distress if the subject attempts to enter their pouches.
TO
RPC-XXX's pouches contain a miniature pocket dimension only the explicit carrier can access. Additionally, RPC-XXX entities are known to launch orbs of steel or iron from their pocket dimension when threatened. The pouches can store anything except foreign animal biomass, which seems to cause RPC-XXX entities a great deal of pain.
RPC-XXX entities are apathetic to human presence and will typically ignore the subject unless directly approached. Once approached, the entities are often curious about the subject and will not act violently. This is not the case for other species, as they will openly terminate or injure creatures they view as a threat. When under pressure, bundles are prone to launching orbs at random directions until the cause ceases.
TO
RPC-XXX entities are apathetic to humans if at a distance. Once approached, they become more inquisitive. This is not the case for other species, as they will openly terminate or injure creatures they view as threatening the bundle. RPC-XXX will take defensive positions when under pressure and launch orbs in random directions until the threat has ceased.
If exposed to a predator, RPC-XXX entities will use coordination to arrange plans amongst themselves to deduce the best method of terminating the subject. When exposed to an animal invasive to their habitat, the bundle will panic and throw orbs before any coordination could be made.
TO
Note: You already stated this information in the section above. Consider removing it.
Addendum A1
During a site-wide containment breach at Site-004, CSD-7612 was locked inside RPC-XXX's vivarium by another subject who quickly left. For two hours, the subject ran away from all entities who got too close. By this point, he caught the bundle's attention and they began to swarm him. The subject initially thought the bundle was going to kill him, but instead one of the females took a bunch of berries from her pouch and handed them to CSD-7612 in attempts to soothe him. This ended up working.
TO
During a site-wide containment breach at Site-004, another detainee locked CSD-7612 inside RPC-XXX's vivarium. For two hours, CSD-7612 tirelessly avoided all RPC-XXX interactions. Eventually, he caught the bundle's attention, and they swarmed him. While initially thought to be dead, CSD-7612 was later found relaxing and eating berries provided to him by the females of the bundle.
The subject no longer viewed the entities as a threat. The bundle lost interest in him after he calmed down: but still kept an eye just in case if he started panicking again.
TO
Note: You can remove this part. Repats information already stated
Once Authority personnel secured the site; Agent Lawrence noticed CSD-7612's presence inside the vivarium. He quickly entered the chamber and forcefully pinned the subject to the ground. One of the males noticed this and threw a steel orb directly at Agent Lawrence's head, knocking him unconscious. CSD-7612 got up from underneath him and grabbed the agent's gun. Now running outside and terminating 6 personnel before getting shot. As a result, more security operatives were assigned to the vivarium.
TO
Once Authority personnel secured the site, Agent Lawrence noticed CSD-7612's presence inside the vivarium. He quickly entered the chamber in an attempt to subdue the CSD. However, Agent Lawrence's actions would unknowingly offend the alpha RPC-XXX, who'd knock him unconscious. CSD-7612 would confiscate Agent Lawrence's gun before killing 6 personnel, ultimately resulting in a shootout and causing his termination. As a result, more security operatives were assigned to the vivarium.
Incident 09-71B
On 8/23/████, a cyclone struck Site-004's exterior auxiliary generators. 45% of the upper half of the facility lost power, including RPC-XXX's vivarium. The Authority Security Force attempted to keep the bundle inside their containment for the time, but eventually the bundle managed to breach before the damage was repaired. Whenever an operative attempted to tranquilize an entity, the rest retaliated by terminating the unit utilizing their steel orbs.
TO
On 8/23████, a cyclone struck Site-004's exterior auxiliary generators. 45% of the upper half of the facility lost power, including RPC-XXX's vivarium. The Authority Security Force formed a perimeter to keep the bundle inside its containment chamber. Eventually, the bundle breached containment before the damage was repaired. Whenever an operative attempted to tranquilize an entity, the bundle collectively retaliated, terminating the unit.
The bundle roamed around their sector for around 3 hours; retaliating against personnel who attempted to tranquilize them. Outside the facility, the cyclone grew in strength; thunderbolts struck the ground above the surface which sent the bundle into panic. Substantial damage to the sector occurred, numerous personnel were knocked unconscious. The sector was blockaded by ASF operatives until the cyclone concluded. Calming, therapeutic audio was sent into the location to pacify the bundle, resulting in success. The bundle ceased further hostility and resumed regular behavior. After the generator's repair, the RPC-XXX entities was lured back into their containment using an assortment of vegetables.
TO
The bundle roamed around Site-004 for three hours, retaliating against personnel who attempted to tranquilize them. Unable to perform repairs due to the increasing storm, substantial damage to the site and personnel occurred. It was theorized that the noise from the storm had been a catalyst for RPC-XXX's increased hostility. Calming and therapeutic audio was played over loudspeakers to alleviate worries. The bundle ceased further hostility and resumed regular behavior. After the generator's repair, the RPC-XXXX entities were lured back into their containment using various vegetables.
Note: You should specify what the noises are, such as tropical ambient sounds from their native habitat or music that they like.
Sorry for saying this late, but thanks for the crit!
Incident Log Rework
The rest followed suit threw the orbs at every possible barrier to protest against the audial disruption. The bundle never left their containment, but attacked any personnel who entered their containment zone.
TO
The rest followed suit and threw the orbs at every possible barrier to protest against the audial disruption. The bundle never left its containment but attacked any personnel entering it.
The entities eased down once the sounds, but the damages were too severe. The bundle was tranquilized and brought off-site until their containment was repaired.
TO
The entities eased down once the sounds were heard, but the damages inflicted were severe. The bundle was tranquilized and brought off-site until its containment chamber was repaired.
At first, the entities were frightened, but the subject began purring around them which soothed them. The two species got along until the subject got hungry. It was terminated by steel orbs soon after.
TO
At first, the entities were frightened, but the subject began purring around them, which soothed them. The two species got along until the subject got hungry. Soon after, it was terminated by steel orbs.
One of the entities got too close to the subject and was terminated in a single kick. The other members of the bundle threw steel orbs at the subject: however it swiftly avoided all of them and terminated 4 more entities before getting hit.
TO
The other bundle members threw steel orbs at the subject; however, it swiftly avoided them and terminated four more entities before getting hit.
Props for making me research antimatter. I'm not a physicist, but I tried my best.
Throwing 5,300 kilograms of antimatter presents some problems. First of all, it will annihilate 5,300 kilograms of matter, which is quite a lot, but that's the least of our concerns. The real issue is that all this matter will be converted to energy. How much energy? Since E = mc2, and our mass is 5300kg * 2 (accounting for both the particles and antiparticles), this collision will produce 9.53 * 1020J of energy. For reference, that's about 15,127,000 times the output of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima… which isn't nearly enough to destroy the planet (it's several orders of magnitude less than the Chicxulub impact event) but still very bad.
If you're still intent on chucking antimatter, it gets worse. Your hands are made of matter. Purple-Palmed Wallabies have an advantage here because their palms are coated in an anomalous substance that prevents this sort of thing. (Which is odd, as an antimatter explosion in your hands sounds lovely.) However, the hands aren't the only thing you have to worry about hitting your orb before it reaches its destination; the air is also matter. Regardless of how little antimatter you throw, it'll burn up before it hits your target.
Also…
Dr. Instoc's Theory: RPC-XXX's purple-palms assist the entities by forming glue-like strands around the orbs (allowing for the entity to pick them up). This strand will disperse while an entity is throwing the orbs.
I could be wrong, but try gluing your hand to a 5300kg weight and let me know if that makes it any easier to lift.
Those are my logistical gripes with this anomaly, but admittedly, these are superficial and can be corrected with a bit of ingenuity. What matters more is the structure, and I believe these scientific errors sit atop an incomplete one. The anomalous characteristics are ill-conceived; the pocket dimension and item storage capabilities never come into play. It doesn't use the details it invents, and most of them are arbitrary. I am left to believe that the species' social structure is merely a byproduct of the author's fantasy to be a kangaroo alpha male with concubines (we've all been there).
None of the events have any bearing on the next or are meaningful on their own. There's no complete vision. The description talks up how peaceful the species is, while the rest of the article is them attacking things. The animal interaction logs are probably the best part, but they're incredibly short-lived and there's only so much to get out of them anyway.
I am at a loss for things to say about the discovery and incident logs because they're written like contractual obligations. The most relevant piece of information in the discovery section is that the species was discovered in 2012; the rest is mush and weak dialogue. (When you write dialogue, please have a character, not just the absence of clinical tone.) The thing that causes chemical burns caused a chemical burn? Who'd have thought? The incident log is similar, though it really makes me wonder why a species of organism that can casually destroy its cell whenever it feels slighted is classified as Alpha-Red.
As I've alluded to previously, the draft needs to invent a takeaway and work at it. Am I supposed to like them? Fear them? I could go on, but the sky's the limit, you know. You need to come up with a theme, and then you can write as many characters or events as you want, and I'll probably be invested in them! Right now, it's just an idea for something that "would be cool" and crawls along the rest of the way—which is a shame, because I'm down for anomalous kangaroos, honestly.
An enclosure, container, or structure adapted or prepared for keeping animals under seminatural conditions for observation, study or pets; an aquarium or terrarium.
It's rather silly to use a footnote for a dictionary definition. Either use a word that you expect the readers to understand or (my personal favorite) allow the curious to grow their vocabulary naturally and the lazy to skip over it and catch on as they go.
The bundle must only have 17 members; all offspring relocated to Area-██ for environmental study.
A comma would be easier to parse than a semicolon here. Alternatively, extend the latter clause into a full sentence.
all testing off-topic to this must be conducted to entities in containment.
"All testing off-topic to this" is an awkward construct ("All irrelevant testing"?), and it should be "conducted with" (the entities are used in conducting), not "conducted to" (the entities are being guided or instructed).
30.4 centimeters wide
This is a uselessly precise measurement for a species that probably has some natural variance anyway.
Their ears are bat-like; incapable of echolocation.
Semicolon should be a comma. In what sense are they bat-like? To my untrained eye, bat ears and kangaroo ears look pretty similar. Sentence structure would suggest that the next clause would help, but it only explains how they differ.
All attempts to wash off this purple sludge were unsuccessful and all direct contact with it results in a minor burn.
"And" should follow a comma, as these are two independent clauses. The first clause is in a confusing past tense. It probably shouldn't even make reference to "attempts", as they're an irrelevant distraction from the property being described: "This purple sludge cannot be washed off." I'd also shorten "all direct contact" to simply "direct contact".
They live in herds consisting of around 5 to 20 members, these are known as 'Bundles.'
Comma splice, and "bundles" shouldn't be capitalized. I also advise against starting a paragraph with a pronoun.
All RPC-XXX entities in a bundle were observed to be cooperative with not only other members, but with other animals as well.
Change "were observed to be" to "are"; it's hedging. What exactly does it mean to "be cooperative with other animals"?
Female entities are known to carry more values in their pouches such as food
This footnote should end in a period, as it's a full sentence. I believe "values" is supposed to be "valuables" and there should be a comma before "such", but I still find this sentence rather clunky. "More" should probably be "other". I dunno.
The leader of bundles, or the alpha male
Should probably be "the leader of a bundle", unless the alpha male leads multiple bundles.
The other males in the group are not mistreated by the alpha and have one female of their own.
The first half of this sentence is unnecessary; there has been no precedent for the alpha to "mistreat" the rest of the group, and that's a subjective term that doesn't belong in this document anyway. The second half improperly indicates that the other males share a single female, when it's probably supposed to be something along the lines of "have monogamous mates of their own."
They are apathetic to human presence and will typically ignore unless directly approached.
This is another paragraph that starts with a pronoun. "Will typically ignore" what?
Once approached, the entities are often curious of the subject and will not act violently. If threatened, RPC-XXX entities will often bite the tip of the subject's finger before continuing what they were doing previously. However they will throw antimatter orbs at the subject if instigation continues.
The start of this excerpt mirrors the end of the previous sentence, which is clunky and suggests the sentences could be merged. This entire excerpt is weak, though, with roundabout wording, repetitive hedging ("often"), poor tone ("before continuing what they were doing"), a mechanical if-then structure that doesn't work well for describing sentient beings, and information that is mostly repeated from earlier portions of the description. The possibility of biting is the only really new information.
Current observations deduce they live for around 12 to 16 years (25 to 30 years in captivity)
This is dropped with the casualness of a unit conversion, but raises questions. Is 25-30 years the maximum possible life expectancy, but 12-16 the lifespan when considering factors such as natural predation? Without this information, it suggests that they have arbitrarily longer lifespans in captivity.
Also, how does the Authority know this if the species was only discovered about 12 years ago?
alive entities will ignore the deceased.
Should be "live entities". This also raises some questions that I wouldn't have were this sentence not included. What is the alternative to "ignoring the deceased"? What exactly does that entail? Should I have expected that they would somehow not "ignore the deceased"?
Subject Bundle Interaction
You can do ||~ Subject ||~ Bundle Interaction || to display these table entries as headers.
At first, the entities were frightened. But the subject began purring around them which eased the fright.
The period should be a comma if there is going to be a conjunction. "Eased the fright" is awkward and repetitive.
Upon entry, the entities entered a state of panic and began throwing orbs of anti-matter at the subject.
"Upon entry" is a dangling modifier, though forgivable. "Anti-matter" shouldn't have a hyphen if it wants to be in line with the rest of the article.
The other members of the bundle threw antimatter orbs at the subject, however it swifly avoided all of them and terminated 4 more entities before getting hit.
Comma splice.
The subject and the entities entered a mutualistic relationship which lasted until the subject's removal. The bundle showed distress upon removal.
Repetitive sentence endings.
After reviewing the results, we can conclude that the bundles will only terminate large carnivores upon sight and not every other animal.
Don't spend sentences just telling me what I could already see.
We will also note to about experimentation with other native Australian wildlife to avoid the Kangaroo incident again.
"Note to about experimentation" is obviously an error, though this sentence is still pretty awkward if you remove the "to". "Kangaroo" shouldn't be capitalized.
RPC-XXX was discovered by well-known Wildlife Researcher, Dr. Winston Kettle in 2/9/2012 in Northwestern Australia.
"Wildlife Researcher" shouldn't be capitalized. When you're referring to a date, it should be "on", not "in".
Initial documentation featured a light sketch, a brief description of the entity, and a 2-minute long video of Dr. Kettle interacting with an entity.
This sentence is grammatically acceptable, but I find it a lame and weak way to communicate this information by referring to Dr. Kettle's actions so passively.
At first, he speculated that RPC-XXX was a new species of wallaby which contributed to his future research regarding them.
"Which contributed to his future research regarding them" should be separated by a comma, but I also find it a nonindicative and mostly meaningless statement in the context of the article.
A mobile specialized team was sent to the presumed location of the entities to investigate the alleged marsupials.
The entities are referred to twice in this sentence, as "the entities" and "the alleged marsupials". Turn the second one into a pronoun. (I'd also recommend moving "the alleged marsupials" to the first mention, as it's a more colorful and unique descriptor.)
As I wandered across the great outback. I heard a distinct sound, one that I have never heard the likes of.
The first period should be a comma.
When we approached, I noticed something peculiar, these creatures had distinct ears and some purple sludge coating their hands.
The second comma should be a period or a colon. The addition of "some" seems a bit awkward and casual for Dr. Kettle's character.
Originally, I thought this was a new species hence why I called it "Kettle's Purple-palmed Wallaby."
"Hence" should follow a comma. This is also a pretty silly thing for him to call them.
After witnessing its seemingly infinite capacity of its pouch, we discovered it was something else all together!
"Its seemingly infinite capacity of its pouch" should be "the seemingly infinite capacity of its pouch". "Altogether" is one word.
My buddy, Thompson, approached one and inspected one of their palms.
"Their" would be better as "its", since the subject is now "one" of the entities. I also wonder if Dr. Kettle would introduce "Thompson" as "my buddy" or just call him "Thompson", but that depends on the context of the interview; more on that later.
I am not sure what happened but afterwards he has a mighty big burn on his forehead.
"But" should follow a comma, and "afterwards he has" is a tense mismatch; it can be "afterwards he had" or "now he has".
-Dr. Kettle, during an interview with Dr. Connor (prior Authority discovery of RPC-XXX).
Should be "prior to", though this is corny and unrealistic. What would be better is to attach a date to this interview and provide another date for when the Authority moved the species into containment, so we can see this for ourselves. Also, who the hell is Dr. Connor? This interview could really use some context.
Site Command has agreed to block off the designated area so environmental study can be performed.
Should probably just be "the area", not "the designated area". The designation is irrelevant.
Construction was in-progress within the same sector RPC-XXX was contained.
When? Where's the date? I'd imagine this is some time after containment given it's "Incident-019", but I shouldn't have to guess. "In progress" should be two words. "Within the same sector RPC-XXX was contained" is awkward and would be better as "within RPC-XXX's containment sector" or similar, but what would be best would be to actually name the sector they're housed in so it can be used here.
The loud sounds along with constant chatter alarmed the bundle and began stressing out.
"Along with" is long-winded; say "and". "Chatter" feels informal. "And began stressing out" lacks a clear subject, and "stressing out" is also somewhat informal.
The rest of the entities followed suit threw the orbs
Simple error.
The bundle never left their containment however, but instead attacked any personnel who entered their containment zone.
Change "containment however, but instead" to just "containment, but".
The entities eased down once the sounds, but the damages were too severe.
Missing word or phrase after "once the sounds". "The damages were too severe" for what?
These rodents can be dangerous if provoked, dangerous enough to massacre many if I might add.
There should be a comma before "if I might add".
We knew that they could get stressed out, we concluded that in the animal test we did a few months ago.
This comma should be a period or a semicolon.
I say we should install soundproof walls in their vivarium to avoid this situation again or move them into a different sector, doing anything else would be stupid with no doubt in my mind.
The comma should be a period. The "with" at the end should probably be a comma.
I believe you focused on the wrong part of the anomaly with this draft. In order to explain, I’ve tried to break down the core characteristics of RPC-XXX:
1. It has very hot palms.
2. It has access to a pocket dimension with quirks.
3. It can be very dangerous.
4. It is contained by the RPC Authority.
5. It is an animal.
The article’s addendums make use primarily of traits 3 and 4, with 2 being an accessory for these. The hot palms bit is basically forgotten, and the animal part severely underutilized.
The problem is that traits 3 and 4 are characteristics that are too general too focus on. Any RPC with an ability for violence can cause damage if out of containment. Why would I care that this one can, too? Some RPC’s breach of containment can make an interesting read if the outbreak and its results are unique and interesting, not just “it caused damage and death”. You do manage to do this with the CSD integrating with the bundle bit, but all other incidents contain, from a story-writing perspective, nothing.
By reading this, you can understand that I want you to utilize the other traits more. So instead of beating on what I believe you did wrong, I’ll point in a couple directions I find interesting, and you can decide if they’re worth going in.
The fact that these anomalies are animals means that there is an environment they are meant to be in. The Authority did drag them out of that environment, but there still exist some in their natural habitat. You can explore how these marsupials live day to day in their natural habitat, and juxtapose it with them in captivity. This might sound boring to some, but remember that they have burning hot palms and a pocket dimension. Their natural behavior obviously has to depend on these traits.
On the topic, how does the pocket dimension work? Is it just a storage, where only what's put in can be taken out? If so, where did all the steel orbs come from? This is especially curious as steel is not a naturally forming material. The instances must have acquired them someway. Maybe they learned to make them? Considering their palms, would it be far fetched to assume they could play the role of welders and metalworkers? If so, how was this knowledge acquired? Is it learned, or evolutionary developed? Even if the pocket dimension doesn't work as a storage system, but instead a producer of the things one can take out, how did the anomaly learn about steel? Why doesn't it just produce its own food? Maybe the pocket dimension is shared across all instances. Maybe it isn't. Does using it come with a cost? Or is it the same as walking or breathing for them? There are questions aplenty you could explore and maybe answer in order to shift the meat of the article to something interesting.
The testing logs are the parts of the article that use trait 2 and 5. However, they are short and undeveloped, and don't actually explore the traits further than repeating the description.
Enrichment may be provided if their stress levels reach 75% capacity
How does one measure the stress capacity? It needs to be if you're adding a precise unit for taking action. I'd suggest replacing the stress capacity thing with normal observation for signs of stress.
Personnel should only physically interact with the entities (especially the alpha) with direct permission from the research director.
Awkward sentence. I'd suggest: "Physical contact with RPC-XXX requires permission from the research director:"
may result in employment termination.
I'd suggest: "may result in termination of employment."
Kettle: I called them: "Kettle's Purple-palmed Wallaby."
Williams: A bit egotistical, huh?
Kettle: Look, the rest of my crew said it was a terrific name so do not attack me on the naming.
This bit of dialogue feels particularly awkward. Williams' instant comment on the name and Kettle's over defensiveness feel off putting.
CSD-7612 would confiscate Agent Jefferson's
"Confiscate" refers to an formal authority removing a prohibited item from someone. It doesn't work here. Try "steal" or "arm himself with".
You added an explanation for the steel balls in the description, except for the fact that steel is made from both iron and carbon. Otherwise they'd be just iron balls.
The incident log makes use of the palms. But it still doesn't fix my biggest problem with the article, that there is no reason for the reader to care about the classic "anomaly escapes, does damage, is re-contained" segment. If your incident log can be described like that, I don't see the point in even having it. It looks like the article is meatier, yes, but in the end all that meat is processed. The point of my first critique was to try to get you to take the article in another direction, instead of just slapping on another incident that follows the pattern and only addresses a small part of my critique.
55% of the population vanished without a singular trace (including the alpha). More operatives were mobilized subsequently.
Agent ████ found an large oval-shaped, burnt hole on the side of Area-██'s eastern wall.
"Hmm… how could this anomaly vanish without a single trace?" Proceeds to go through obviously newly created hole in the wall.
Researchers conclude that the RPC-XXX entities utilized their palms to melt a crevice into the wall and used leftover scraps to craft that number of steel orbs.
Shouldn't new containment protocols be set in place if they can do this now?
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