ARCHIVE THIS - RPC Authority

This was an improvement over your previous draft. 5 Points of Failure

Too many connector words. There's a difference between technical and formal writing. Entire paragraphs can be summarized in a few sentences.
Lack of originality. I get what you're trying to do with this draft, but it's hindered by the fact that it's based on the Jurassic Park Dinos and not your idea for a Dinosaur. Making this a more original type and Dinosaur class would be much more interesting.
The dialog is both formatted weirdly and shoddily put together. I don't like it, nor how absurd its "nice kitty, kitty" energy is. It's bizarre and doesn't fit the tone of the website.
Lack of origin. I think you could fix a lot of the aimlessness of your draft by just giving your anomaly a set origin.

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