RPC-556 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-556.

Lightning in a Bottle - Your dear friend, Frankie!

TheGreatTarbolin69 27 Oct 2023 17:45

Many thanks to Mr Makor, JimmyBoyHaha, Jokezm and 8ismo for their crit! Man, it's been a LONG TIME since I last wrote anything, and the idea came to me while showering, no less!

Thanks as well to Almarduk and Spambot for their idea-crit and for telling me I was accidentally plagiarizing another piece when I first made the anomaly a rotary phone!

Crit Thread: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16413809/rpc-556-lighting-in-a-bottle#post-6228707

Image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Inactive_Army_film_reel.jpg

Remember never to trust suspiciously wealthy Middle Eastern men you meet on the streets, and NEVER take jewelry from them!

MF_TOMB 29 Oct 2023 20:41

thas good

s n o w y 10 Nov 2023 15:04

is good

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Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.

High Gamma 10 Nov 2023 17:01

4 stars. It's an alright article. No further comments available

8ismo 25 Nov 2023 12:48

I'd pretty much be echoing my praises in the crit thread, but oh well.

The article does torment in a very unique way that is not often seen in this genre. Frankie is forever captured in the 15 minutes of film, but he is not tortured or even put in any sort of negative disposition. He is unaware of the horror he is found in which then allows the reader to relate with the researchers understanding how he is denied of a real life and death.

The biggest peeve I have is that the cause of the situation is absurdly blatant and visible with Frankie saying that the necklace is tied to a demon in a similar disposition to his. It feels like you're watching the movie, and someone pauses it for a couple of seconds to explain the scene and not letting you realize it on your own. We already know he was approached by LO collector and was given something weird - we can draw the conclusion on our own.

The characters feel believable and real, particularly Franky, it has a good arc and I was left satisfied that I took some of my time to read the article. Excellent work.

Raggabrash 27 Nov 2023 01:54

4/5. Overall, decent article, though I do have a couple of nitpicks:

+ show block

think Saudi Arabia, with the clothes to match.

Saudi Arabia wasn't a country until 1932, so assuming this guy is actually from the 1920s he would probably just say "Arabia." But like I said, that's a nitpick.

The corpse was buried at an undisclosed Authority location in case of possible anomalous tampering even after thorough examination.

This sentence just felt a bit awkward to me, it could probably be worded better.

Overall though, pretty good read.

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Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!