Hotel-11 Dossier Page
With two connected articles, I’ve finished up the Hotel-11 dossier.
Hotel-11 Dossier Page
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The crit is applied- stuff like operations i'll have to add later in favor of finishing stuff for the GD contest!
Role:
Replace everything with “Anti-Trafficking”, “Asset Protection/Retrieval” could be considered as well
Considering the expense of carting hundreds of able-bodies men
able-bodied
founded by the General Headquarters2 to combat and contain the rise of human trafficking and prostitution across Japan among anomalous circles
Replace GHQ with Senkichi Hanashi
other agencies competing for control over containment in Japan (namely UNAAC and a variety of American groups)
Authority’s own Japanese Branch should be considered amongst the interest groups
"元町 インシデント" ( Motomachi Incident)
“元町事変”
While initially limited to strictly anomalous trafficking activity in ASIACOM,
Limiting to just "Japan” is better, since the inclusion of Seoul and PCAAO better demonstrates Hotel-11’s progression into ASIACOM
Armaments(which is whatever), Taskforce Composition, and most importantly Containment Assignments are all missing from the MST Dossier
On GD-ASIA’s dossier, it was stated he has an ill-defined policy regarding several Groups of Interest, KK included. And when it goes into his more blatantly ultranationalistic actions, it’s honestly hard to imagine such a leader caring for a humanitarian cause.
What I instead suggest is to set the Seoul Conference 4 to 6 years back, that way you are dealing with a different holder of the title.
Grammatically speaking, its all good (I think, I dont speak japanese). Take my critique with a grain of salt, as it is very extensive (maybe nitpicky at some points) and heavily involves RPC-614.
I may be stretching this really far, but there is one criticism I can think of, which is that this dossier detriments RPC-614 in a way.
(RPC-614) Addendum 3: MST Hotel-11 "Karasu/カラス".
After the Motomachi incident had utterly devastated the already weakened PTSU, it was deemed a “lost cause” by the Japanese government due to the belief that its operation should be entrusted to the capabilities of existing police forces and the Authority itself, and ultimately disbanded.
Hotel-11 MST Dossier:
However, due to the "元町事変" ( Motomachi Incident) of January 2nd, 2001, the Paranormal Trafficking Surveillance Unit was almost entirely eliminated. The Japanese government was unable (or unwilling) to replace the devastating losses due to rising political pressures; the agency was dissolved several days afterward.
There's a small discrepancy here. In the RPC file, the article explicitly states the japanese government deemed PTSU a lost cause because they thought such an operation shouldn't be their problem. But in the dossier, the cause of dissolution is different: PTSU is disbanded because of rising political pressures (as if they DIDNT think it was a lost cause). And the keyword here is found right here:
The Japanese government was unable (or unwilling) to replace the devastating losses
As if to imply they tried to but couldn't, which contradicts to the story told in the article (they didn't want further involvement). How would I fix this?
- 1) Remove the word unable
- 2) Reword either the article or the dossier so the cause of dissolution matches.
Right now, the dossier makes the information found at the end of the article very uncomplimentary. Some GoI articles have this exact problem, RPC-068 is one of them.1 Two problems arise: 1) New readers are suddenly bombarded with information that is irrelevant to the ending of RPC-614. 2) Veteran readers already know this information beforehand, what do they gain from re-reading it?.
Here's a suggestion! On RPC-614, you should detail what the MST was up to after its creation
(RPC-614) Addendum 3: MST Hotel-11 "Karasu/カラス":
With this agreement, a new MST was formed and employed in several Kabushiki raids. Hotel-11 inherited a majority of the personnel, buildings, and assets of the defunct PTSU.
If you end the [div] right here, all of the information that was detailed after this point you can now safely move into the MST dossier! So what can you do? Now you can set up something else within this collapsible! Suppose that you do decide to continue with RPC-614's story. The dossier allows you to expand the story of RPC-614 into a satisfactory conclusion!
Once established, Hotel-11 conducted an investigation on the aftermath of the Motomachi incident. The first step was…
Consider that MST Hotel-11 has much better resources than their previous iteration, so what can they do? They can, for instance, go after the PTSU Case Reports previously mentioned in the article.2 This could also help to directly establish the character of Hotel-11 by showing them working the way they do! (Dont just tell me this MST dangles in the line between whats allowed/what isnt allowed, SHOW ME how they do so!)
If you don't want to continue with RPC-614, another thing you could do in the (soon to be) official MST Hotel-11 Dossier is to detail what they are up to. As I said in my previous critique, MST Tango-12 Eye From The Sky does this by detailing some of the operations carried out by Tango-12. This clarifies whatever doubts readers had about what the MST dealt with, and it establishes their character by showcasing the methods they use!
Overall, there's plenty to be done to actually solidify this MST into mainlist. It's got an interesting concept already, it just needs a little more!
Footnotes
1. The description details the RCPA extensively, but the actual description of RPC-068 is literally ''a non-anomalous young woman''. SHES A MAYOR CHARACTER IN THE STORY, AND THIS IS AS MUCH OF A DESCRIPTION SHE GETS
2. And if you do write about the MST working after these case reports, readers will be satisfied knowing that the information they read in the previous Addenda is paying off!!!
/forum/t-16372760/hotel-11-dossier-page#post-