MISSING RPC - Whistling in the Dark
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MISSING RPC - Whistling in the Dark
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» MISSING RPC - Whistling in the Dark
Summary:
LAST MINUTE DRAFT THREAD, ARTICLE IS MOST DEFINITELY EXTREMELY ROUGH
Containment Protocols:
Hiking trails previously located within RPC-XXX's radius have been removed and rearranged
Hiking trails previously passing through RPC-XXX's radius have been removed and rerouted* (I think this makes more sense)
personnel posing as park rangers and dressed in the corresponding attire
I think the "dressed" part is a bit redundant. You're not going to pose as a park ranger dressed like a mall cop
to Authority Site-087
Adding "Authority" to it feels a little unnecessary
Description:
areas of the park, and while occurring year-round is known to exclusively appear during the evening.
areas of the park and, while occurring year-round, is known to exclusively appear during the evening.*
Addendum I:
from Chicago, Illinois on vacation
from Chicago, Illinois, on vacation*
Members of Mobile Strike Team Oscar-5 ("Web Nerds")6 were promptly appointed to derail the thread with politically-charged and neurotic posts
10/10
Addendum II:
Massive prompts on making this bit one of the funniest and creepiest thing I've read in a long time!
Final Thoughts:
This was incredibly funny at and then it gave me the absolute chills. Very nice mystery you set up, and a great Omega Iota article. Nothing much else to say in regards to crit, nice work my dude.
Apologies if this seems rushed, I’m on mobile
Intervals between instances of RPC-XXX do not appear to show a pattern, and have been recorded to last between two seconds to four and a half minutes.
Might want to refer to them as “manifestations” rather than instances, it came off as a bit unclear on first read through.
First addendum has some odd moments of non clinical tone (“caught wind of”) etc.
Some of the detail about the history of the Flatwoods forum feel unnecessary, but that’s more of a nitpick I guess
ORCapita had some oddly flowery moments while he was describing the scenery towards the end, like that bit about the stars gawking at him like he was in a freak show. Took me out of it a bit.
I’m a little skeptical that if this guy could find it so easily the authority was completely unaware of the bunker. I’m assuming the implication is that it was somehow hidden, but could maybe be made slightly more clear that they did something that could have conceivably found it and it was weird they didn’t
Overall, I liked it. I really liked the banter between the forum posters, it felt realistic without coming off as overdone. Very creepy sense of stumbling on something you weren’t meant to. Well done.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
Until RPC-XXX can be reliably contained and/or neutralized, the region in which the anomaly is known to appear has been blocked from public access.
"is known to appear" sounds weird, try "the region outlined in Fig. 1.2 has been…" or "the region of anomalous influence," etc.
have been placed within the outskirts of
along instead of within
and while occurring year-round, is known to exclusively appear during the evening.
This sounds odd because "year-round" and "during the evening" are not mutually exclusive. Try:
"The anomaly has been reported year-round exclusively in the north-western areas of the park during the evening."
forum
I don't have much to say but i think its really good and i managed to read thru it all. i said it was too long before which was wrong and i think its a good read… characteriazation
The ending is insane. I was a little put off at first but it really comes around. Love this article
/forum/t-16339438/missing-rpc-whistling-in-the-dark#post-